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I don't ever want to forget

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Old 07-08-2010, 10:28 AM   #1
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Default I don't ever want to forget

I am just so tickled by this new life I have created for myself. I don't ever want to forget what life was like before. I love that the smallest things make me smile, things ordinary people, always-been-thin people, take for granted.

I kidnapped our niece and nephew for a few days. They're our only niece and nephew so I get to spoil them. We bought them season passes to our amusement park because we live so close. They live an hour away so this is a real treat for them. I go often with my kids but we rarely spend more than 4 hours there at a time because we have passes.

Yesterday we arrived at the park at 10:00 and walk, walk, walked and broke for lunch. Then we walk, walk, walked until dinner. We didn't leave the park until 9:30 that evening because THE KIDS, not Aunt Eliana, were exhausted! I was tired, don't get me wrong! But we left because of them! I still can't get over the fact that I fit in every coaster and that the harness did not squish the girls even a little bit!! I can ride beneath the same lap bar as the kids on rides where you have to do that and not fear that they're going to fall out because the bar's not low enough for them.

Standing in line my niece complained mildly that her feet hurt and mine didn't! I remember how it hurt my feet to stand at the sink doing dishes. But standing in line was no problem.

It's just such an incredible feeling to feel this alive and with such ease.

Oh, and the heat didn't bother me!! My inner thermostat has regulated itself! Where I used to never sweat, now I sweat buckets and it's cooling! It was 95 degrees out yesterday and HUMID, and yeah it was miserable heat, but it didn't bother me more than anyone else. It was nothing to complain about. What a miracle.

And today...we're back at it! We didn't get to everything they wanted to ride yesterday, so we're heading out the door now, will break for lunch, and then hit the water park.

One more thing...I ate a sandwich and CHIPS for lunch (yeah, four kids in the house) and for dinner I had pizza and salad. And I lost four pounds over night! Uh...yesterday was a long day.

What things do you hope you never forget?
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Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






My "goal" story: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...goal-post.html

Last edited by Eliana : 02-22-2011 at 04:19 PM.
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:16 AM   #2
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Wow you have done awesome and that is so motivational! Congratulations and thanks! What was your weight loss plan? I am getting started back and it seems so much harder now at age 42 than it ever was before to lose weight.
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:52 AM   #3
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Your post is wonderful! So happy for you! I also treasure the little things. Fitting into booths makes me so happy.I like not having to worry about the seat belt on airplanes, all those type of things. We were in DC a few weeks ago and I walk, walked, and walked and love it!!! Hubby got tired out way before I did! Being so overweight cause so much stress for me in so many areas of my life. I use to put off dr appointments because of the weigh in. I don't want to ever forget any of it!
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:38 PM   #4
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I am so happy for you!! I remember once upon a time walking around the mall I felt the most excrutiating pain in my lower back (from carrying all of the excess weight)and started on my weightloss journey the very next day. 2 yrs ago my family and I went to the zoo and I was very nervous about doing alot of walking but I walked and walked and walked etc..... and felt GREAT!!! So I truly understand how you feel and think that's why your post touched me the way it did.

Keep up the good work!!!
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Old 07-08-2010, 01:21 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliana View Post
What things do you hope you never forget?

I love this question and it is something I need to keep reminding myself about.

- I never want to forget the fear and embarassment that flying in an airplane caused. I'd book the last flight of the evening with the hope of getting an empty plane, getting to the airport super early to make sure that I could get an aisle seat, praying that there was nobody assigned to the seat next to me, feeling embarrassed to ask for a seat belt extender...

- Feeling bad riding in the subway and getting dirty looks because I was so big that I took up two seats.

- Being asked by a 5 year old kid in a video store "just how fat are you anyway?".

- Mega-fear: Booths in restaurants.

- Another mega-fear: chairs with arms that I could not fit into at restaurants (once I met up with several friends so a birthday dinner at a restaurant and I could not fit into the seat. I embarassingly went to a coffee shop while everyone else had dinner).

- Sometimes not being able to put a seat belt on while riding in someone's car.

- Sometimes not even being able to fit into a movie theater seat.

- Another mega-fear: breaking a chair in a public place. This has happened several times in my life.

- Overhearing the comments/ fat jokes that people would say in public places.
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Old 07-08-2010, 02:18 PM   #6
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Those are GREAT nsv's!!!!

I never ever want to forget:
small children asking WHY I was so fat
not being able to go on rollercoasters
worrying about fitting in booths and always asking for a table
being EXHAUSTED after doing something simple like GROCERY shopping!!!
having to hold my breath to tie my shoes
sacrificing healthy foods so I can buy junk

*deep breath* these are good for me to remember right now.
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Old 07-08-2010, 02:49 PM   #7
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What a great thread. I am not close to goal yet but so much has improved already and some things are still happening.

I don't want to forget:

The *joy* of acid reflux at 3 am.

Being completely out of breath and fearing a heart attack after 3 minutes of physical play with my son in the back yard.

Putting on jeans that used to be somewhat baggy to not being able to breath or sit down in them.

Seeing myself in the mirror as I step out of the shower.
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Old 07-08-2010, 02:51 PM   #8
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I don't ever want to forget:-

1. The shame I felt when a girl in DD's class looked at me and pointed, and said to her mum "look at that fat lady".
2. The fear that I'd get stuck in a turnstile.
3. Having to work out a route through tables and chairs in a restaurant or function so that I made sure to find the largest gaps, and then having to stand on my tiptoes to try to get my huge stomach out of the way so I could get through the space.
4. Being too scared to go on fairground rides because the harness wouldn't have fit.
5. Walking just a short distance and being crippled with backache and aching feet.
6. Waking in the early morning crippled with backache.
7. Constant heartburn.
8. Waking myself up snoring.
9. Hating everything about myself, not being able to find ONE thing I liked...
10. Only having one store I could shop for clothes in and even then, when I did find something that fit and looked half decent, having to buy 3 or 4 in different colours.
11. Struggling to find a pair of shoes that fit and didn't cripple me. When I did find a pair I had to wear them til they fell apart, then panic til I found another pair.
12. My total humilation and despair when, at a function held by one of my husband's work colleagues, watermelon was being passed around and my husband said, in front of everyone "does she look like she eats watermelon".....
13. Feeling like my life was over....

Sorry, got rather carried away there, but I think it was good to write those things down.
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:11 PM   #9
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Thanks so much for starting this thread Eliana. I do get the weird feeling that the reality of my old life as a fatty is starting to fade into the distance, and I'm AFRAID I'll forget.

The thing that is so awful about morbid obesity is that the emotional toll and the physical toll are both so severe.

And what has been interesting for me is that I NEVER realized that the sheer physical joy of losing the weight would be at least equal to the emotional joy.

I never want to forget:

What it felt like to struggle to stand from a deep couch, to need to flop onto my knees to get out of a beach chair, to have a little trouble rolling over in bed.

How exhausted I got when I walked up a steep hill or up three flights of stairs, and how it scared me, because I worried that I might have a heart attack.

How SICK I used to feel after eating way more than I wanted, sometimes feeling as though I shoved it down by force, knowing that I didn't even enjoy it that much, I just felt like I had no choice.

How I was constantly embarrassed and humiliated about my appearance-- how I could not find anything to wear, and how just looking "normal" took a huge and carefully coordinated effort-- and how a lot of the time, I just pulled on clothes that I knew didn't fit or look nice together because I didn't have a lot of choices. How my concern about my appearance affected me every time I met a new person or went to a new place, and how I often avoided meeting professional contacts in person for fear that once they "knew I was fat" they would be less impressed by my other qualifications.

And just today, I was thinking "do I really need to lose the 30 odd more pounds to get to a normal BMI? Because I feel really great right now..."

But then I remembered what one of my ten pound weights feels like, and it does not feel like "just ten pounds." So when I think that I'm still packing three or four of those extra on my body, I still wonder how much more terrific I may feel in the future!

Talk about an amazing, incredible, life-changing experience!

Awesome!
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Last edited by ubergirl : 07-08-2010 at 07:13 PM.
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:17 PM   #10
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Wow, all of that, I know exactly how you feel.

One thing I don't want to forget is how much I hated going into stores. And not because of the people, or the walking, it was because by the time I got in line I was dripping with sweat, and my hair and face would be wet. Ugh.
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:24 PM   #11
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I must never forget how much I hated

Avoiding mirrors at all costs. I used to go to the bathroom with the lights off. I didn't get my hair cut in a shop for 15 years. Every new room I walked into, I did a "mirror check" to make sure I wouldn't accidentally catch a glimpse of myself. When I did, it was a terrible trama and whatever I was wearing, I'd never wear again.

Never looking at pictures. I'd let people take my picture, because I didn't want to make a fuss, but I never looked at any pictures I MIGHT be in, just in case.

Not being able to "go along" when certain clothes were called for: I was on a committee that wanted to go buy matching t-shirts for an event we were in, and I had to be like "they won't have them in my size".

Not swimming. I didn't get in the water for 15 years. I still haven't seen the ocean since then. I jut gave up on it.

Never going to the doctor. Every time was humiliating, no matter how nice they were. I only went if I was peeing blood.

Accepting my own early mortality. I knew the weight would kill me early, but I didn't think I could stop it.
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:30 PM   #12
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I never want to forget how unattractive I felt. I never want to forget being out of breath after climbing the stairs in my own home. I never want to forget being stuck in horrific looking clothes because I didn't know what else to do with myself.
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:53 PM   #13
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I never want to forget being taken for 30 at the age of 20
I never want to forget realizing my pant size was greater than my age
I never want to forget how people stopped telling me I was beautiful.
I never want to forget how mean other girls have been
I never want to forget not fitting in booths
I never want to forget how often I hide
I never want to forget how I believed my weight meant my talents were worthless.
I never want to forget how family members have regarded me
I never want to forget what I have learned these last few years. Ever
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Old 07-08-2010, 08:09 PM   #14
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Wow! What an inspirational thread!

I'm still a work in progress & have 55-ish pounds to lose to get to goal. But there are a few things already that I don't want to go back to EVER AGAIN.

~ that feeling of "food hangover" & how it affects the entire next day +. How it made me unable to be a fully functioning wife & mother.

~ the refusal to pretty much ever have my picture taken. I have barely any pictures of me & my kids. How sad They're almost 7 & almost 3 & all I know is that there are going to be A LOT more pictures now!

~ the fact that I told DH I didn't want to go to an amusement park because of this, that, or the other, when in reality I'm just too scared I won't fit on a ride.

~ the constant depression of always being the fattest person in the room.

~ basically, the fact that before I was just existing - now I am LIVING!!

Last edited by mingle : 07-08-2010 at 08:10 PM.
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Old 07-08-2010, 08:26 PM   #15
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I never want to forget the feeling of being worthless and not thinking I deserved anything good out of life.
I never want to forget the fear of not fitting in a booth and I eventually stopped going out to places and staying home bound because of it
I never want to forget how unattractive I felt and how I felt bad for my husband because of the way I looked.
I never want to forget how I stopped going to the movies because I thought I would break the chair
I never want to forget the horrific back pain that made me bed bound and the numbing I felt in my feet sometimes.
I never want to forget how I was letting life pass me by
I never want to forget the sadness and depression I felt because I was so huge and I felt unloved
I never want to forget how the most easy simple tasks were hard for me
Most of what u ladies/guys have said already, I don't ever want to forget. I've experienced it all and its not something I want to relive again. I'm gonna try my hardest to never get back to where I was before.
Eliana:Thank u starting this thread because it helped me realize even more why I am on this journey.
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