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Old 10-04-2002, 09:48 AM   #1
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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel good food around!

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Old 10-04-2002, 01:43 PM   #2
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Thanks Sandi, I really needed that. I've been doing school work for the past 4 hours and needed a good giggle!
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Old 10-04-2002, 01:55 PM   #3
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thicker gravy
us, Canucks love our gravy!
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Old 10-04-2002, 02:42 PM   #4
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That was great, Sandi!
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Old 10-04-2002, 03:44 PM   #5
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My boyfriend once went to Canada and decided to order some kind of deluxe fries (or something like that) and they came smothered in gravy. Healthy french fries with healthy gravy.
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Old 10-10-2002, 07:18 PM   #6
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Talking too funny!

I came across this post thinking it was some profound thing on perspective-but this was even better! I loved this!! keep 'em coming! I especially like the part about only having so many hearbeats so dont waste them doing exercise!

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