Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-03-2010, 03:39 PM   #16  
:)
 
MissKelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 447

S/C/G: 305/see ticker/180

Height: 5'8-1/2

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kaplods View Post
I think the crime has to be taken out of being fat. And my small contribution to that cause is to use the word fat as if it were no more or less an insult than tall, blonde, slim, slender, pale, freckled, intelligent, friendly.....
Beautifully said. I agree with you. I think there is an even bigger crime in those who coddle. Coddling is enabling. I feel that not acknowledging the word "fat" is a form of denial. IMO, who cares about being "politically correct"...it exists. Obesity is on the rise & so is coddling. One has to stop (coddling) to prevent the other. In the end, both kill.

When at 308lbs, I believed I ONLY had 40lbs to lose & considered myself "a few extra pounds" overweight....I did not wake up & snap to until someone called me FAT. It was then that the "fun house mirror" in my bathroom shattered. Today, I ask my coddlers why in the world they did not help me to see what they did. I ballooned up in 2 YEARS...sure they saw it...I had been thin my whole life they knew me thin at 150. Perhaps in my situation, I may feel more disgust with the issue of skirting around the word. I feel very strongly about it. As much as there's icky stigma with the word "fat"...it can save lives. It hurt me very much hearing it (I cried & cried like a baby!!)..but it saved mine.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting to go around as some crusader calling people fat...lol....I think you understand the gist of my message....I just believe from my experience that LESS coddling = less obesity.

Ok. I am done with my rant...I've wanted to get that off my chest for a while now!

Last edited by MissKelly; 07-03-2010 at 03:44 PM.
MissKelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010, 08:27 PM   #17  
PCOS/IR/Hypothyroid
 
astrophe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,855

Height: 5'8"

Default

Well, they can't argue with you if you don't engage or explain. There's nobody left to argue with if you are not participating.

Quote:
I want to be able to be friends with them, but I don't know how to make them stop arguing with me. They know I have to lose weight for health reasons (I was diagnosed with diabetes last July).
Can't you just say "Diabetes" and leave it at that? Why get deeper into it?

"Why do you exercise?" Diabetes.

"Want a cookie? " No, diabetes.

Sounds like the short and sweet answer to me.

GL!
A.

Last edited by astrophe; 07-03-2010 at 08:28 PM.
astrophe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010, 09:50 PM   #18  
Strong is the new Pretty!
Thread Starter
 
FitGirlyGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Jacksonville, Arkansas
Posts: 2,237

S/C/G: 245/ticker/1??

Height: 5'2"

Default

Eliana - Yes, I will have to disagree. As I said, I do try not to talk to them about it, but when I answer questions honestly it starts an argument. I’m not going to lie and tell them I was somewhere else if I was at the gym or come up with some sort of crazy allergies to the foods they want me to eat. As for it being about education, I have a BS in elementary education. Even with my education, I am fat. I am blue-eyed. I am pale. I am female. I am married. I am part Native American. I am Pagan. I am friendly. I am diabetic. My father is handicapped. Those are the facts. My father would be profoundly annoyed if someone told him he was a person with a hearing disability or some other such PC something. He would correct them and say he was deaf. I am not a person with fat. I am fat. I refuse to bow to the PC BS.

JessLess - Thank you. I also refuse to shy away from other such words. I tend to call myself a “half dyke”, for instance.

Kaplods - that’s exactly how I feel about it. I, however, don’t wait for other’s permission. If someone is fat they are fat.

MissKelly - I am totally with you on not coddling people. Vanity sizes are a big issue with me. So is the term pre-diabetes. I feel the same way about other things, not just fat - smoking, alcohol abuse, staying in an abusive relationship, and on and on. I think people baby each other entirely too much.

Astrophe - While I have told them that I was diagnosed as diabetic I have not tried just answering every question of that type with the word diabetes. I'll have to give it a try. One of them is also diabetic, completely uncontrolled and not planning on doing anything about it, so not sure it will work on him, but of the three he is the one that argues with me the least and if I can get the others to stop they might be a good influence on him. Thanks!
FitGirlyGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010, 10:48 PM   #19  
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eliana View Post
In your statement "I am creative", it says a lot. It makes you what you are. Your being can be described as "creative'. To say "I am fat" to me sounds like you, your very soul, the essence of who you are...is fat. How sad. I'm just saying that's how many people take those words and it's why our friends and loved ones wince when they hear it.

"I" am not fat and frankly never have been. "I" have always been thin inside all this fat.

Just saying...

My soul and essence have no shape or size, they are infinite (not all large things are terrible, infinity is good kind of large). I've been fat since I was five years old, so it is intertwined with my physical identity to a degree, but I don't find it sad, because I don't think being fat is a crime. I don't even think it's ugly. I've always been beautiful (yes, even physically beautiful). For the most part, it's been a beauty not everyone could appreciate, but I always had more admirers than I needed. I had just the right number of boyfriends, and they all respected and loved me. I wasn't undeserving of that love and respect.

When my husband and I met (at nearly our highest weights), we didn't "see past each others ugliness," we recognized and appreciated the inner and outer
parts of the package we brought to the relationship. We look at each other and see the whole package, we don't imagine some different "inner package." I don't choose to see my husband as Brad Pitt in a David wrapper, or myself as Angelina Jolie in a Colleen wrapper.


I don't think I deserve or need any pity for my size, any more than I need pity for having blue eyes. Or needing pity for being disabled (I am a person with disabilities, and I am also a disabled person. You can choose to feel one is preferable to the other, but I do not. I am a person with blue yes, which makes me a blue-eyed person).

You might as well pity me for being caucasian (or am I a person with whiteness).

It makes me very sad to hear someone call themselves "thin inside all this fat," as if fat were so horrible and evil that goodness cannot coexist with fatness. It's a truth so horrible that it cannot be acknowledge, and must be denied. In order to feel ok, one can't be fat, they must be a thin person in a fat body. Thin is not part of personhood to me (neither is fatness). They are physical characteristics only and no more or less ok than any other physical trait. My husband is not a clear complected person in a freckled body.

If describing oneself as fat speaks to the nature of a person's soul, then if you're "thin inside" you believe that being thin (or feeling thin on the inside) is essential to your soul or essence.

I find it very sad when I hear people say "I am a thin person in a fat body." It seems to me that they're wrapping a lot of their identity in "being not fat."
Thinness must be awfully important to you, if you cannot invision yourself as anything different. Thinness is not important enough to me to be wrapped up in my image of myself. I don't really see myself as fat or thin. Not in any permanent sense.

I am fat, and there's not a damned thing wrong with that. I want to be healthier, and that means weight loss, but fat is such an inconsequential part of who I am that I don't have to talk around it. I can acknowledge it.

My natural hair color is a dark blond or light brown. Saying I am a blonde or a brunette doesn't make either part of my "essence or soul." Although my hair is currently red with blond highlights, being a redhead is not part of my soul either. It's just a factual physical description that applies to me at the moment, and a rather inconsequential one at that. I could wake up tomorrow with blue skin and I'd be a blue-skinned person, I would not be a pink-skinned person in a blue body. I'd still be me, and very little in my life would change (except I might have to reconsider the red hair. I think maybe I'd go white or depending on the shade of blue, maybe teal).


I was employed. I am disabled. Neither define my soul, and neither are necessarily a permanent state. I could enter remission tomorrow and be back in the work force again (that would be lovely, but I don't see myself as an employed person, in an unemployed body). There are a lot of things that I am that I wasn't always. There are a lot of things that I will be, that I am not yet. And none of those define me.

Fat has shaped who I am, and not only in negative ways. I'm not proud that I am fat, but neither am I ashamed of it. I'm not ashamed of my barely blonde hair either. I didn't have to be ashamed of my hair being blondish brown (or brownish blonde) in order to want to change it a different color. I don't have to be ashamed of fatness, in order to lose weight.

Yep I'm fat. Next year maybe I won't be, but neither my fat or my (future) thinness define me.

Last edited by kaplods; 07-03-2010 at 10:56 PM.
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010, 11:03 PM   #20  
Senior Member
 
luciddepths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,041

S/C/G: 225/175/140

Height: 5'6

Default

So.. just to put this out there..

What did you want from this post? you know your answer already and now its turned into an English/grammar/i like my choice of words better than yours debate.. Ugh.

IF you want to stop having arguments? quit talking about it with them or never use open ended sentences.

if they ask you:
"what were you doing?"
"exercising"
"why"
"i want to, it feels great."

But really if you feel that strongly about it, quit hanging out with them then. They obviously can't handle you calling yourself fat.. and for a larger person to hear it from a smaller person it really gets on a persons nerves... 8 out of 10 times they are fishing for a compliment (thats for anyone.. big or small, not saying you are but most of the time people are) So if every time they see you, you go on about being fat I can see why they would be upset.


everyones on about CHOICE OF WORDS.. blah blah blah. IF they really are your friends you will just stop using that word around them. Sure you should be able to use WHATEVER word you want but to lose friends over it? Are you kidding me?

Last edited by luciddepths; 07-03-2010 at 11:06 PM.
luciddepths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010, 11:35 PM   #21  
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by luciddepths View Post
IF they really are your friends you will just stop using that word around them. Sure you should be able to use WHATEVER word you want but to lose friends over it? Are you kidding me?
What kind of person would end a friendship over using the word "fat" especially if it's not being used with the intention of being hurtful?

I've explained to dozens of people why I use fat, and why I prefer it to other terms. It's never cost me a friendship, and I've never ended a friendship for a friends preference to choose a different word (although I've jokingly threatened to when someone makes the mistake of referring to me as Fluffy - if they want to be fluffy that's fine with me as long as they don't expect me to use the word.)

I would try to avoid using any word in someone's presence if they asked me to (no one has asked me to do that with "fat" after hearing my rationale for using it), but I might still make mistakes because it's my preferred word.

Words have power, and they matter, but they don't matter enough to end friendships over when no insult is meant. I can't think of anyone who is or would be my friend (or anyone I'd want to be my firend), ending a friendship over any word that wasn't meant with ill intent.

Last edited by kaplods; 07-03-2010 at 11:36 PM.
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2010, 11:49 PM   #22  
Senior Member
 
luciddepths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,041

S/C/G: 225/175/140

Height: 5'6

Default

Well she said "i want to be friends with them, but I don't know how to make them stop arguing with me" - to me that meant either - never talk about it, or dont be friends.. because of the arguments which are brought on by words such as Fat, exercise, weight loss.

So it makes it alot easier for all parties involved to quit talking about it.. and never mention weight loss/fat/exercise.. because they do not like/cannot handle it.

Last edited by luciddepths; 07-03-2010 at 11:52 PM.
luciddepths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 12:14 AM   #23  
Senior Member
 
kaplods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Wausau, WI
Posts: 13,383

S/C/G: SW:394/310/180

Height: 5'6"

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by luciddepths View Post
Well she said "i want to be friends with them, but I don't know how to make them stop arguing with me" - to me that meant either - never talk about it, or dont be friends.. because of the arguments which are brought on by words such as Fat, exercise, weight loss.

So it makes it alot easier for all parties involved to quit talking about it.. and never mention weight loss/fat/exercise.. because they do not like/cannot handle it.

Ah, I see. My brain did not go there. I never considered either option, let alone that they might be considered the only two.

There are a lot of options besides and between never talking about it and ending the friendship. Tons and tons of options. Sure you could decide it's an off-topic subject, and you could also decide not to be friends, but I'd try some other things first.

The first being to talk about it, until everyone understands each other, or agrees to disagree.

Talking, even arguing would be my first choice over ending the friendship or taking such a big part of my life off the table as a subject of conversation - but discussion and debate is probably the one passion I have that takes up more of my life than dieting does, and I tend to gravitate towards friends who enjoy and are willing to talk about virtually anything too.

I don't mind when friends have drastically different opinions than my own, as long as they don't try to prevent me from communicating, and can respect my choices once I've explained them.

I've found that most people are respectful of my choices when they understand them. I've encountered very few situations in which I had to make a subject completely off limits to preserve the friendship.
kaplods is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 12:25 AM   #24  
In it for the long haul.
 
Phoenix301's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northwestern Ohio
Posts: 328

S/C/G: 275/ticker/150

Height: 5'5"

Default

I have never posted on this section of the forum before but i noticed this thread and after reading..all I have to say is, much ado about nothing. Give it a rest already..my lord people. Is it really such a big deal? I said she said you ought to say.. obviously FitGirlyGirl knows how she feels about the situation on her word choices. And if she is looking to solve the arguments with her friends, it comes down to the fact that you can't make someone change. FitGirlyGirl feels strongly about her word choices, and her friends especially this guy it seems, feels strongly about his opinion on her weight loss. If there is no common ground, and if neither party is willing to budge or take a different approach, then the simple outcome is continued conflict. And as far as using words to describe facts, to me it sounds like this entire topic could be summed up as bullheaded!
Phoenix301 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 12:51 AM   #25  
Senior Member
 
luciddepths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,041

S/C/G: 225/175/140

Height: 5'6

Default

amen to that.
luciddepths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 12:56 AM   #26  
Strong is the new Pretty!
Thread Starter
 
FitGirlyGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Jacksonville, Arkansas
Posts: 2,237

S/C/G: 245/ticker/1??

Height: 5'2"

Default

lucid - the problem is that it is not just the word fat with them. I'm sorry that my first post was not more clear, I was actually quite upset because he had decided to do the whole silent thing just a couple minutes before I posted. It's not just the word fat, but the entire concept that I am larger/heavier than I should be/want to be that causes these issues between us. I do understand about smaller people making such comments around larger people, I have been the larger person in that. I attempt to not discuss it at all, but they start these arguments when all I said was that I didn't want cookies or some such something. The worst of them is smaller than me anyway, he's thin. He's not rail thin, but I would guess he is definitely in the range of healthy BMI. So for him, that is not the issue. As for what I wanted from the post, I suppose I would like a way to answer their questions that doesn't start an argument or something to say to them when they do start arguing with me that will nip it so that we can move on. Yes, I do think I should be able to use the word fat to describe myself if I so choose. However, no, I am not going around talking about how fat I am all the time.
FitGirlyGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 01:16 AM   #27  
Senior Member
 
luciddepths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,041

S/C/G: 225/175/140

Height: 5'6

Default

OHH Oh well ok i getcha now

thats definitely hard, sometimes they might feel your too "thin" in a weird way its a competition.. like "she is going to be skinnier/healthier than me" that kinda thing..could be why they are reacting or could be just that they want you to feel good about yourself and that you are thin! (doesnt quite sound like what it is though) Hmm. I'd try the Diabetes thing.. LOL might seem silly but with one word answers only when it comes to the weight topic might be your best bet!!!
luciddepths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 02:59 AM   #28  
Happy Plodder
 
Rosinante's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 5,006

S/C/G: 238/158.9/138

Height: 5'2"

Default

This is one of the most interesting threads I'm reading!
Like I said on page 1, I'm with FGG and now with others - "fat" is what I am physically, no amount of word-substitution can change that. Because I've been fat for 53 of 55 years, it really is a part of who I am, of my essence. If "fat" is a bad word, then all of me is bad.

I'm losing weight not because either my body or my soul is bad but because I have fears for my health, and because bodyfat impairs my enjoyment of life, and because soulfat has squashed the person I was created to be (not totally, the Real Me squirts out very often!).

"Society" has almost exclusively got negative stereotypes about "fat", and I strongly believe that there is a responsibility to challenge that. I'm not saying that all fat people have that responsibility, any more than we all choose the one diet/WOE but some of us believe we do have the responsibility to change not just ourselves but society's views of us while we do it.
Rosinante is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 03:36 AM   #29  
in development
 
silverbirch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Britain
Posts: 4,734

Height: 5' 6"

Default

FitGirlyGirl - here are a few tricky questions for you.

Is there a chance this is not *really* about fatness? Some people like to annoy other people for fun. Some people like to control other people. Could this sort of thing be going on, and your fatness is the vehicle for it?

Do these people ever act in a friendly way towards you? Are they ever kind, for example?

Do you want to be friends with them? Or has it just ended up here?

Good luck with it all!
silverbirch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2010, 05:01 AM   #30  
Linda
 
famograham's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Beautiful Vancouver Island, B.C. Canada
Posts: 1,781

Height: 5'0"

Default

Fitgirlygirl, I do like the idea of the closed ended, simple answers!

But what I really want to say is, Colleen/Kaplods, as always...you are my HERO!!! You always say, with such eloquence, exactly what I am thinking!!!


Last edited by famograham; 07-04-2010 at 05:01 AM.
famograham is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
"Are you pregnant?" No, absolutely not! I'm just fat! kapowilicious Introductions 32 06-22-2008 09:15 PM
I'm not losing any weight... JessicaBT Weight Loss Support 31 03-05-2007 12:40 AM
I'm not fat because I'm stupid! Jinkies 100 lb. Club 13 03-01-2002 10:33 AM


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:17 PM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.