What Am I Doing?!
 

I seem to have hit a wall...
For the last few weeks my Friday night treat night has turned into a full on eating fest that has carried on into Saturday, and by bedtime on a Saturday I've felt totally fat and bloated, and sick to my stomach. Last week I swore that I wouldn't let it happen again this week... I enjoyed my treats on Friday night and on Saturday morning I was determined it was going to be an on plan day. Well, that lasted til lunchtime and I blew it again, and carried on pigging out til bedtime...
I did get back on plan yesterday morning and went for a good workout at the gym, and I feel back in control again, but these 36hr binges have got to stop....
I managed to still lose 1lb last week which I was very lucky to do, but I can't keep doing it and get away with it, I know that. I've still got 27lbs to lose to get to goal from last Friday's weight, so I can't start acting like the weekends are a free for all. Even if I was on maintenance I still shouldn't be stuffing my face like I am. Relaxing a little at weekends is one thing, but all out binges are not the way to go. On Saturday I was 2lbs up from Friday, and yesterday I was another 1.5lbs up! I'm back down the 1.5lbs this morning, but that means I need to lose the other 2lbs by Friday just to maintain this week.
I started off typing that I wished I knew why I was doing it, but as I thought about it some more I had a very scary revelation. I know why I'm doing it.... Only 11 months ago binging was my way of burying the pain I was feeling in every aspect of my life. Whilst I was eating I could forget the pain and just enjoy the tastes of the food. These binges also usually involved sitting watching mindless tv programmes so that was another way to distract me from the pain.
For the last 10 months I've been so focused on this journey, and I've felt so much better about my life. Don't get me wrong, things have improved massively, but I've realised just this past couple of weeks that getting to my goal weight is not going to solve all of my problems, and it's actually emphasised a couple of them, major ones at that... Those binges on a Friday night and Saturday are my way of burying the negative emotions I'm feeling again, but for now at least I feel even more negative emotions as a result of the binges, which means I can get back in control pretty quick. Wow, when I finished seeing a therapist at the beginning of the year he told me that I had now become my own therapist, who knew he was actually right?
I don't know whether knowing why I'm binging on a weekend is going to help, but I'm hoping that being mindful at the time may help. My goal is to not have a binge this weekend. We are going out for celebratory lunch on Saturday after I've done my first 5k race, so the plan is not to have Friday night as my treat night this week, enjoy my lunch on Saturday and get straight back on track the next meal, not the next day or the day after.
I just hope I can turn this around...

Hi!
I just wanted to write to try and lend a bit of support. You've done such an amazing job, congratulations.
You are clearly able to evaluate your feelings, which I think is an important factor in stopping this backslide...
You've already done what I still need to do... But, I'm just stopping my own backslide. I lost 30 and gained back 20. Now, I'm back at it.
It's all so mental, isn't it?

You still lost 1 pound!! That's great. Stop this before you start gaining and you'll be fine.

I found the Beck Diet book to be helpful and maybe it would just give you a new thing to think about.

keep posting, fresh air and exercise instead of eat....

It all sounds so cliched, but still is true...

Good luck to you.
I'm really rooting for you!

take care,
teresa

What if you go cold turkey on the Friday "treats"? That's what I have to do when things start to snowball...

Yeah, I think the combo of Friday treat + weekend is not good for you. How about Tuesday treat night? Then, Wednesday is just a regular, routine, planned day.

Sometimes, you have to break cycles.

Perhaps try to change your weigh in to Saturday am? Then if you overeat on Friday you will likely be bloated and affect your WI, I had to do this and don't binge on Fridays for sure... if it happens it is usually Sunday.... Hmmmmmmm....

YOU CAN DO IT!! :)

I have a hard time with treats. I think it's the sugar addict in us. I try to have my treats close to bedtime because that stops the cycle for me. If I had an afternoon treat it may well be over for the rest of the day. Is there a way to mentally prepare yourself for the treat? Maybe preplan what you will eat for the 36 hours following the planned treat?

I don't know. I know it would be easy to say just stop having treats, but you're close enough to maintenance in my opinion that maybe it's time to start learning to live with temptation. For some, swearing off treats works. For others, just the swearing off part triggers a binge. Which are you?

I hope for your sake you at least maintain this week. ;) If not, just hop back into action, or more likely, STAY in action.

First off:hug::hug::hug:

I really understand where you are coming from.

I've noticed recently that people don't really remember my former morbid obesity...

And sometimes I feel it drifting from my mind too-- Last night, I was serving dinner, I mindlessly heaped a huge serving of rice on my plate. Then, I stared at it for a sec before I realized that something was wrong. I DON'T EAT RICE. It's like if I'm not hypervigilant all the time I kind of forget what I'm doing.

I completely agree with those who suggest canning the Friday night treat for a while...I don't know if you're like this, but I tend to totally get stuck in cycles.... and then the new bad habit seems to take on a mind of its own.

And keep working on strategies to deal with negative feelings and emotions without eating....for us bingers, I think we will probably always be works in progress on that front.

And kudos for coming here to fess up-- it's the stuff that we bottle up and don't tell anyone that tends to kill us the fastest.

:hug::hug::hug:

Thanks for the replies ladies.
I'm pleased to say I've been totally back on plan since Sunday and feeling better for it. The number on the scale is dropping again thank goodness, just hope I can get back to where I was by Friday.
I've thought about stopping the treat night and honestly I don't think it would work for me. I'm the type of person that if I stop something cold turkey then I just get more obsessed by it, and end up binging even more.
I have however decided to not have it set in stone that I will have my treat on a Friday. Often Friday night is hubby and my date night, so that works for then, but it doesn't happen every week. This weekend for instance we have no plans for Friday night but are going out to celebrate my first 5k race on Saturday afternoon, so I'm moving it to then for this week, and think I'll have earned it after the race lol.
I think the treat in itself isn't the problem, but I need to be more flexible about when I have it and more mindful that it stops there and doesn't turn into a full day or weekend.
This weekend will be the test, so will let you all know how it goes.

Hummm, well it seems that the way you are doing it isn't working either. How could you binge more than to the point of feeling ill as you stated in your OP? The last couple weekends your "treat" has turned into a 30+ hour binge fest, eating until you felt sick? What part of that scenario is "working"? In my humble opinion it's pretty clear that treat night has gotta go, that is if you want to get to goal. If you are happy maintaining the weight you are at, then have your cake and eat it too...and enjoy.

I really am not trying to sound mean, I just think there comes a point when you either have to except the weight you are at, (if your bound and determine to treat yourself weekly), or you move on to the next level where you realize that you would rather be at a normal BMI and give up the weekly treat nights. (Maybe monthy but not every single week) You really can't have it both ways. :hug:

You are so right Lori, thanks for posting. :hug: For over 10 months my Friday night treat night has worked for me because I've kept it measured, but this past two or three weeks when it's turned into a full on binge, that definitely hasn't worked.
I am therefore giving myself one more chance this coming weekend to have the planned, portioned treat, no more, and if it turns into a binge again then the treat nights are going to have to go.