Ok, maybe I'm not so much "scared" as confused, intimidated, overwhelmed, or apprehensive.
The boyfriend and I have known each other since 2005, been dating since 2006, and have lived together since 2007. We've known that we've wanted to get married ever since we started dating but were in no hurry. We've recently had some positive changes in our lives which have sparked the discussion in the past couple of weeks about actually making it "official" between us.
Which is really what I've been wanting since the moment we met (or technically before, since we found each other online and were dating before we physically "met"). And I feel sorta shallow for this, but the thing is . . . how am I going to look and feel in a wedding dress? I was doing great with the weight loss last year, but have come to a dreaded plateau in the past few months. I'm not sure how I can settle on any date just yet when I don't know what direction my body is going. I've been big all of my adult life and have always dreamed of at least having a waist that curves in instead of out for my wedding. I'm currently at the lowest point I've been in about 10 years and think I'd be much more comfortable with my body after losing at least another 30-50 pounds.
So maybe this is the added motivation I've been needing to push myself harder and do better with? I'm willing to bet I'll do extra well in the next few weeks, maybe enough to break through this (I'm sure what I really need is to push the exercise more than anything else). I know that 30-50 pounds is totally doable, especially since I've already lost over 100 so far. I know I have the power to make it happen, and I'm doing all I can right now to get a hold of that again.
So I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here . . . advice, support, motivation, reassurance, someone to relate? Or someone to tell me I'm not shallow for wanting this? I've mostly tried to focus on my health and not worry about my size, but maybe dreaming about the big day isn't going to hurt.