I actually find myself judging skinny people in this way. I have a friend who is a size 2, and she eats Oreo pop tarts for breakfast, mac and cheese for lunch, doesn't ever work out, etc. She doesn't eat a tremendous amount, but she doesn't ever go more than a few hours without eating junk, and I've only ever seen her eat junk (and I've seen her eat a lot of meals).
I really don't expend a lot of mental energy on it. I certainly don't wish a weight problem on her. But a part of me resents that she doesn't have to invest the time and energy that I do to try and deal with the weight issue, and resents the competitive edge she will have when we graduate from law school because she does not have a weight problem.
But I don't tell fat jokes, and I don't analyze other obese people's observable eating or exercise habits. Almost everyone who is successful at weight control has moments when they eat calorie-dense foods. I also don't tell "women are catty" jokes or listen to stupid people's fears about women in power who might be too emotional during "that time of the month" to be trusted. I feel a solidarity with both fat people and women because I am one of them, and most of my family members are fat as well. I know fat people, and I know what they are capable of doing. I have seen my sister eat far too much, and have talked to her about how crazy that habit is. But I also know that if I want something done well, she has the drive, ambition, and intelligence to get it done quickly and well. Do I pity her? I wouldn't dare! She's an amazing woman. Most of us fat people are. If I didn't know that before I came to this forum, there's no way I could have missed it after reading the caring, supportive, highly-knowledgeable posts here.
I don't relate to this at all! I miss being able to easily approach fat people. Even in my love life I prefer people with extra pounds, always have, and I didn't become overweight until I was 18 myself.
I do worry when I see someone I love eat a lot of junk food, fat or thin, it makes me want to yell about salt and satured fat, but I expect this too will pass.
If I see a stranger eat a donut in their car, I probably only think that that does look very yummy. Then again junk food was never my issue, it was cheer quantity that made me fat.
i know it is wrong, but i tend to judge overweight people as lazy, it just the first thing that cross my mind, like a first impression.
and sadly, i am obese too myself, and i know that other people look of me just the same way that i do at an overweight person, maybe not after i know him/her, but at first, yes.
last semester i work part time as a cashier in a store in my university. and you know what? overweight persons do have different shopping habit than normal person do. they bought lots of junk and sugary food, much more than normal person do. sometime the amount was well, grossly too much. and i know that i did the same, and that was when i stop kidding myself that i have big frame/bones whatever. i am this way because of my eating habit.
and sometime, i caught myself eating grossly too much and disgustingly with no manners whasoever, when i am alone. always, my binge happens when i am alone by myself. strangely, if i am with a friend, i am not that hungry.
and the last thing, i kinda observe that all my overweight friend have the same eating habit as i do. it may seem obvious, but did much impact on me when i think about it. well, yes, it is gross. and yes, we all are some handful of lazy person who eat too much.
okay, i am too forward am i? i am sorry if i overstep some lines up there. it just how i feel. but usually when i know that someone is overweight and currently is trying to do something about it, i turn to respect him/her. because i know how hard it is, and how frustrating it can be, and because i am now in the same position, i respect myself too. actually, i respect myself too much now to care about what those judging skinny person think. hey, they do NOT know how hard is this. and if they were in our shoes, i don't think they can be this strong.
Last edited by pink dress; 06-03-2010 at 06:25 AM.
I can relate. I saw a woman walking down the street and it seemed like she was twisting back and forth with each step it was sad. I know I probably weigh the same or close to it. The weight I have is more proportioned than hers was though and I feel like I walk normal but how would I know.
I am SO hyper-aware of how I walk. I really dread The Fat Lady Waddle (which you describe so well above). I know from experience that it can mean that you have foot or leg pain, or that you're just uncomfortable at your weight. But I find myself consciously trying to make myself walk straighter, rather than swaying side to side, and keeping my arms to my side rather than flailing about to counterbalance my heft.
i know it is wrong, but i tend to judge overweight people as lazy, it just the first thing that cross my mind, like a first impression.
and sadly, i am obese too myself, and i know that other people look of me just the same way that i do at an overweight person, maybe not after i know him/her, but at first, yes.
last semester i work part time as a cashier in a store in my university. and you know what? overweight persons do have different shopping habit than normal person do. they bought lots of junk and sugary food, much more than normal person do. sometime the amount was well, grossly too much. and i know that i did the same, and that was when i stop kidding myself that i have big frame/bones whatever. i am this way because of my eating habit.
and sometime, i caught myself eating grossly too much and disgustingly with no manners whasoever, when i am alone. always, my binge happens when i am alone by myself. strangely, if i am with a friend, i am not that hungry.
and the last thing, i kinda observe that all my overweight friend have the same eating habit as i do. it may seem obvious, but did much impact on me when i think about it. well, yes, it is gross. and yes, we all are some handful of lazy person who eat too much.
okay, i am too forward am i? i am sorry if i overstep some lines up there. it just how i feel. but usually when i know that someone is overweight and currently is trying to do something about it, i turn to respect him/her. because i know how hard it is, and how frustrating it can be, and because i am now in the same position, i respect myself too. actually, i respect myself too much now to care about what those judging skinny person think. hey, they do NOT know how hard is this. and if they were in our shoes, i don't think they can be this strong.
the only thing I could say is that if you are in an area where obesity is very rare, it can be easy to fall into the stereotypes we hear and see about obesity.
I have obese friends who do not eat as much as I do. most of them really aren't eating enough or often enough, like maybe once a day, and so their metabolism has slowed down. Some of them have other health issues that affect how their metabolism works.
So, no, not all obese people load up on junk food.
the only thing I could say is that if you are in an area where obesity is very rare, it can be easy to fall into the stereotypes we hear and see about obesity.
I have obese friends who do not eat as much as I do. most of them really aren't eating enough or often enough, like maybe once a day, and so their metabolism has slowed down. Some of them have other health issues that affect how their metabolism works.
So, no, not all obese people load up on junk food.
I do think that it would be very, very hard living in an area where there is a low rate of obesity, and feeling as if you are obese. Here, in the U.S., we have a high percentage of obesity, but still, the media, tv, ads, movies, all show that thinner is preferred, more likely to earn more money, be more attractive, etc. So, it must be even more difficult in areas where there isn't such a high level of obesity.
I really appreciate your honesty. Don't feel bad about how you feel---just maybe sometimes wonder who taught you to think that way. Sometimes, outside influences teach us to view things in a certain way.
Even now, though I know some men like bigger women, I still find a very, very big woman to be not attractive---yeah, I know that I am feeling that way about myself. It is just that it has been so instilled in me, not by family or friends, but by everybody else, that someone like me could not be considered attractive. I have to fight constantly with the notion of what is attractive, and what isn't attractive. It is a constant struggle at times.
I was shopping yesterday and today, and I admit, I did look longer than usual at two people who were overweight and using the little motorized scooters at the grocery store. I also noticed another women who was either in one of the scooters the store provides, or her own, and how she was talking with what appeared to be her daughter.
I felt bad for the first couple---the woman was very overweight, and I could see how she could need the scooter. The guy with her didn't seem that overweight. Part of me wondered if he was sitting in a scooter with her, as a way of giving emotional support.
Oddly, at another store (I didn't buy that much, seriously!), there was a very young woman in a scooter who wasn't overweight, didn't have a cane, etc. I wondered if she needed the scooter, or if she and her friends were just joking around. I realized that maybe she does have a mobility issue that just isn't visible.
The overweight woman with her daughter really stood out the most to me. For one, we looked of the same heritage, and she looked a bit tired, and older and a bit unkempt. It made me think of how I have let myself look at times and how I need to take better care of myself. I also noticed her because she has an older daughter, and it made me think of how lucky she is to have a kid, but also how it must be hard having a kid and being as overweight as she was. It did look like her weight was making it difficult to get around (of course, she could have an injury that caused immobility that led to the weight gain) and I wondered if that impacted how she interacts with her kid or children. It must be hard.
I do admit at times that when I see very obese women in relationships or having their own family, it makes me a bit envious. It makes me wonder that if someone who is bigger than me has this seemingly great life, I wonder what I am doing wrong and why I don't have that. I know, that is a more negative thought and I shouldn't think that way.
Fat-hate is really ingrained into society. I go back and forth. Sometimes I hate myself for gaining weight again; other times, I hate the way society acts like fat people aren't people, too. And yet sometimes I catch myself thinking like that.
I usually don't go out of my way to encourage/acknowledge overweight people who are exercising or whatever, not because I don't want to be encouraging, but because of my own hangups, I suppose. Like, if someone said something to me about exercising, I might interpret it wrong or wonder about their real intentions, are they being condescending. etc
I don't like exersizing around people. I walk/jog either really early or late in the evening. I don't go to gyms. All because of the way I think I am percieved.
I used to be quite thin/muscular, and ran cross country and track. I'd get overheated easily and I'm pale, so I turn bright red and sweaty for a long time.However, at that weight, I wasn't self conscious because a thin, red-faced, sweaty person, people look at them and say "that person has exercised hard!" On the other hand, at 200+ pounds, I feel like, in the same situation, people are thinking "that fat person needs to get off the couch so she doesn't get so out of breath!" Some of it's paranoia, some of it is that people really do interpret a fat and a skinny person exercising differently.
And then there are supermarkets.No one cares what a thin person buys there. If a fat person buys diet coke, people think it's related to their weight. If a fat person buys chocolate, people think that's why they are fat. A thin person buying diet coke or chocolate, it would be just food. When a fat person does anything, all these judgements and things seem to come into play.
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I'm just so desperate for them to see just me and not the fat. But I know from my own experience, that just isn't possible.
I was shopping yesterday and today, and I admit, I did look longer than usual at two people who were overweight and using the little motorized scooters at the grocery store. I also noticed another women who was either in one of the scooters the store provides, or her own, and how she was talking with what appeared to be her daughter.
I felt bad for the first couple---the woman was very overweight, and I could see how she could need the scooter. The guy with her didn't seem that overweight. Part of me wondered if he was sitting in a scooter with her, as a way of giving emotional support.
Oddly, at another store (I didn't buy that much, seriously!), there was a very young woman in a scooter who wasn't overweight, didn't have a cane, etc. I wondered if she needed the scooter, or if she and her friends were just joking around. I realized that maybe she does have a mobility issue that just isn't visible.
The overweight woman with her daughter really stood out the most to me. For one, we looked of the same heritage, and she looked a bit tired, and older and a bit unkempt. It made me think of how I have let myself look at times and how I need to take better care of myself. I also noticed her because she has an older daughter, and it made me think of how lucky she is to have a kid, but also how it must be hard having a kid and being as overweight as she was. It did look like her weight was making it difficult to get around (of course, she could have an injury that caused immobility that led to the weight gain) and I wondered if that impacted how she interacts with her kid or children. It must be hard.
I do admit at times that when I see very obese women in relationships or having their own family, it makes me a bit envious. It makes me wonder that if someone who is bigger than me has this seemingly great life, I wonder what I am doing wrong and why I don't have that. I know, that is a more negative thought and I shouldn't think that way.
I think everything is really all about self love. When you believe in yourself and love yourself like you deserve it makes it easier for those around you to share their love with you. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. I've seen so many overweight and obese women in happy relationships. I had a friend of mine who is 300+ who had a boyfriend flying her to Europe and always spending crazy money on her. My cousin is 300+ and she has guys asking her out all the time and has had plenty of talk of marriage from guys but she says shes not ready yet.
Anyway my motto is love yourself through thick and thin. Even when I don't believe in myself I just keep talking positive. AND of course the most important thing is to make sure you leave home looking amazing because honestly many overweight women don't try hard enough to look good. So I make it a point to make sure I look the best I can even if its to go to the grocery store and that boosts my overall confidence.
And last thing is -- I never settle for less than the best just because of my weight. I've seen so many people give up and let other people walk all over them and treat themselves like they don't deserve to be happy. We all deserve the best and we deserve to be happy. We only have 1 life to live.
You are so right! Even the cartoons out there are loaded with seemingly funny "fat" images--so it starts from a very, very early age and is only engrained further as time progresses. So. Very. Wrong.
Caliyah--excellent points you are making here--and I so agree with you...truly LOVE yourself no matter your size--always know you deserve the best and deserve to TREAT YOURSELF the very best...very much agree about making sure you look amazing each time you leave your home...feeling your best directly effects self-esteem and ultimately your interactions with other people..
Dont know if this exactly fits in this thread, but its about how I compare myself to another overweight person, My husband is really good friends with his ex(weird I know but it works well). She used to be over 300 lbs, I was always a lot smaller than her Actually Im the used to be the skinniest girl he ever dated. Anyways she had Lap-band about a year ago. Im not sure exactly how much she lost but is now too big for her 16 jeans. She still seems big to be big butt, legs. I have compared myself to her numerous times. "well at least I'm smaller than her" or "do I look like that?". Now I know she is smaller and weighs less than me and it is horrible for me!! I guess I'm jealous. She stills eats bad food(the little bit she can eat) and only just started working out. I don't know if she can be a motivational factor or just depresses me. Anyways thanks for letting me get off topic a bit.
At the weight I am at the minute, I do have 'at least I'm not as fat as her' passing thoughts.
However, when I feel I'm on a plan successfully (Day #25, no cheating, I guess I can describe myself as being successfully op at the moment!) I do have more charitable moments: not so long ago I was with my mum in a restaurant cafe, and she commented on the size of a plateful a large man was eating, saying he didn't need it. It wasn't gross, it was a full lunch; he was a smart, junior-executive looking type in a crisp if huge white shirt. My only thought was - yes, he is very big; but how do we know that he hasn't lost weight for a year to get down to this? So I'm not always judgemental.
I have judgemental feelings towards fat people eating in the street - something I never do, fat or thin, it was a school rule I've never got out of.
I judge almost everybody's shopping trolleys in supermarkets :blush:
On the question from one poster's e-friend from Asia about why there are so many fat people in England - my experience over many years is that when people with fat-rich diets immigrate to England and hit our sugar-rich diets, they get as fat as us, very quickly! This leads me to
One of my biggest soap boxes: that supermarkets offer amazing special offers on cakes and pastries and processed crp, which tempt financially challenged people, understandably. And, of course, we know how difficult it is once we're hooked on that kind of stuff. Depending on how cynical I'm feeling, I often think it's a government ploy to keep the populace dull and quiescent.
Last edited by Rosinante; 06-17-2010 at 03:16 AM.
Reason: punctuation
I think the only time I tend to judge harshly is when kids are involved.
I was on holiday in Portugal a couple of years ago with my daughters and there was a very large family staying there also - Mum, Dad, son and daughter. They were all very big, kids too. The kids were preteens, maybe 10 and 11 or so.
One time we were in the snack bar and we saw all four of them ploughing their way through HUGE platefuls of food - fries, burgers, etc.
I kid you not, one of the platefuls that the adults had would have fed me AND my two girls!
And my only thought was "Well, no wonder the poor kids are fat!" All my pity was for the chldren - the adults can take care of themselves.
Then again junk food was never my issue, it was cheer quantity that made me fat.
