Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki6kidsmom
But to ignore my progress and hard work is hurtful to me. I have been pretty much pushed away because I wanted to get control. (
I'm wondering if this is the core of your problem. Are you upset that she isn't praising you and gushing over your weight loss? Are you sure she's pushing you away, and are you sure you're not pushing her away instead or as well?
I've lost friendships over weight loss in the past - from the other side. I didn't resent the friends' weight loss (though I was sometimes accused of it).
Several things contributed to the problems.
She (and I'm talking singular, but it's happened several times) felt I was being hurtful by not praising and gushing about her weight loss (I told her I was proud of her on several occasions, but apparently it wasn't "enough").
I tried to be supportive, but frankly I was tired of hearing about her weight loss. If I was trying and not being as successful, it felt like she was "rubbing my nose in it." I couldn't really talk to her about it - because it either brought accusations that I wasn't being supportive - or it would inspire her to lecture me on what I "should" be doing.
If losing weight wasn't a priority in my life, there was no way that I could "fake" enough enthusiasm for the topic to make her happy. I understood it was important to her, and I tried to be supportive, but frankly it wasn't a priority for me, so I didn't really "care" whether she lost weight or didn't.
It often seemed that my friend(s) who were losing weight, couldn't talk about anything else. It was as if every other topic had lost any interest for them. Everything was always about weight loss. It got overwhelming - and frankly very boring. Even when I'm excited and enthusiastic about weight loss - I do enjoy talking aobut other things (though I have been known to bore non-dieting friends from the losing side of weight loss).
Often the friend would deny being condescending or judgemental about my NOT losing weight, but it sure felt like they were. I may have misinterpreted some comments, but others were pretty clear. I had one friend that I had to call her on it - we'd had a pretty equal relationship when we were both fat (even though I was always the much fatter one), but when she lost weight she started acting like she felt "sorry for me." I needed a friend, not a benign benefactor who would try to help me and was only being my friend out of pity. That friendship didn't last, because she really was embarassed to be seen with me now that she was "normal" and she really did pity me for "not seeing the light" as she had. Not much left for friendship.
Most of my friends though, we worked it out - by communicating (and by deciding on which topics it was best we didn't communicate).
I told one friend "I am really proud of you, but you can't expect me to validate you. I love you, but I don't care what you weight and I might forget to compliment you as much or as often as you'd like to hear it, and while your feelings get hurt that I don't compliment you enough, my feelings get hurt that you think I owe you that. It feels like you want me to acknowledge how much thinner than I am you now are.
Some friends we maintained the friendship by keeping weight loss out of our friendship. Since we couldn't discuss it without one of us feeling hurt about it (and more often, both of us), we agreed the topic was off limits.
Not really different than any other friendships though. I had one friend who made HORRIBLE decisions about men, and to maintain the friendship - men and dating were off-limit subjects. I couldn't be the support she needed (and I couldn't butt out when I heard her talk about scary choices she was making).
Maybe none of this applies to your friendship, or maybe some of it does. You may feeling that she isn't supporting your weight loss, and she may be feeling that you're rubbing her nose in it... or maybe not.