It's amazing how a person can get into the habit of just not caring about how they look when life becomes overwhelming.
The past four years of my life have been one crisis after another, and as a stress eater -- I went rather berserk. I think I gained about 70 lbs. since the last time I posted.
Ah...but I have a "good excuse" or so my daughter assures me when I lapse into serious depression (usually after I've looked in the mirror and asked myself, "what the heck have you done to yourself?")
Honestly -- and being honest is difficult because sometimes the truth sounds so terrible
this additional 70 lbs. is a "gift" from my mother.
Dealing with an ageing parent is not easy. Dealing with my mother was never easy. Simply put -- she had a very agressive personality. There were issues dating back to her childhood that were never dealt with therapeutically.
Consequently, she drove everyone around her crazy with her demands and constant anger.
I avoided her as much as possible thoughout my young adulthood. Four years ago, she got Guillian-Barre and was seriously ill. She was hospitalized for months and on the day she was released, my father passed away. She couldn't take care of herself -- so she moved in to my home. And thus, the situation caught up with me even though I'd been running away from it since I was thirty. (I'm presently in my fifties).
I have a brother who did absolutely nothing to help during her illness. He never called or came to see her, but as far as my mother was concerned he walked on water. Me however (who took care of her on a daily basis), simply never seemed to please her. Nothing I did was ever "enough". She wanted constant attention and truthfully was so demanding that I was consistently depressed. So what did I do? I ate (and ate...and ate...and ate).
God finally called her home recently. I'm a terrible daughter and I admit it -- I haven't cried. I just feel sad that things never were "right" with her. What I feel most of all since her passing is relaxed. The constant stress of trying to please someone who can't be pleased and has unceasing demands is gone.
So...I stepped on the scale. Yikes.
Okay...this isn't going to be easy or quick -- that's apparent right off the bat.
I'm 5'2" and 256 lbs. -- so I'm looking at well over a hundred pounds that has to go.
How am I going to do this? Well realistically, I'm considering splitting the amount into thirds and going for a three year program.
That means I'd need to lose approximately 41 lbs. by Jan. 1st. That's definitely doable.
My plan is:
1. A total Medifast for one month (to kick off a good start)
2. A partial Medifast for two (to keep up the pace, but make things easier)
3. And a calorie controlled diet until the New Year (not sure if I'll do the math myself or let a professional program like Seattle Sutton do it).
No exercise program -- I have torn cartilage in my knee. The doctor suggested I consider a knee replacement. I don't think so. I read recently they're turning fat cells into stem cells...and God knows I have fat cells to spare! Seems if I wait a year or two they'll figure out how to fix the problem without my having to undergo major surgery. I think I'll take my chances with waiting...
I'm allergic to chlorine so water excercise is out.
Anyhow...that's kind of the plan. But I suppose if anyone has any better suggestions how to attack this massive ton of fat -- I'd be glad to hear them.