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Old 09-17-2002, 04:36 PM   #1
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Default Dating...

I asked this one a while ago but thought I would throw it out again since we have some newer people here. As a plus size person have you had trouble with getting dates?? I am seperated from my husband for a year now (almost divorced now only a few more months hopefully) and a year ago I didnt want to even think about dating but now I am ready!! There is a guy at work who seems interested. He found out about my seperation and now all the time seems to "come by" for no reason really---so maybe there is some hope!
So what has your experience been with dating and being plus sized?? thanks!!

laura
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Old 09-17-2002, 09:38 PM   #2
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Laura - I think that's so cool that you've got a guy at your feet! Being plus sized, really, should have nothing to do with anything. If he likes you, he'll ask you out. Of course, you could always make the first move, too...

Some men like their women with a little bit of meat on them....
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Old 09-17-2002, 11:54 PM   #3
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My husband never cared that I was "plus sized"(actually at the time we started dating i was small for me at just 175, now i am 268...so be careful what you wish for). However, he was the only one who never cared. I was unable for most of my life to date very much and at my lowest was 135 lbs., and was still dateless. I think I was looking for love in all the wrong places.

In general I have to be honest, from my experience, and where i live...east coast...size is definitely an issue.

However, there are the wonderful souls out there that just don't care, like my Bob. However, now he is concerned because I have some semi-serious health issues because of the weight. But he makes it very clear it has nothing to do with appearances.

I can tell you the most depressing day of my life was realizing 3 years ago that not even the love of a very good man was enough to make me take care of myself properly. I am at that point now but it has been a really painful awakening.
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Old 09-18-2002, 08:47 AM   #4
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Jennelle-thanks! I think it's kind of cool too! I tell my friends what he has been doing and ask "do you think he's interested?" and they say "duh!!" It's a whole new world after being with the same person for 14 years. I have a male friend who said I should ask him out to lunch so it doesnt seem like a date, no pressure. I just dont know if I could do that!!

deadnursewife-I can relate to what you said. When I met my husband I was 175 too. (I am 5'8 so I was a size 14 or 16). I gained a ton of weight during the marriage. I lost some before we seperated and have lost since then too for a total of 62 pounds lost now. It's great that your hubby is so supportive and is just worried about your health. Thank your lucky stars!!

I know body size seems to matter. On the flip side I have several heavy friends who all have boyfriends so I know it is possible. I plan to keep on losing but dont want to be a nun until I get to goal!! I think taking care of your hair, nails, clothes, makeup, and of course your personality is a big help too. Guys like upbeat girls.

thanks for the input,
laura
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Old 09-18-2002, 10:03 AM   #5
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Omygawd!! I have NEVER, EVER, EVER had a problem getting a date. ****, back in the day I was such a hootchie mama , even at 220lbs. I believe my positive personality had alot to do with it. Not trying to be and or act conceited, but saying that alot of it also depends on how you carry yourself. Think and act attractive = being attractive.

My only concern is the fact that you work together. BTDT, will NEVER do it again!! I was young and stupid and he was older. When I didn't want to see him anymore, he would still come over to my desk! Not only that, he once came over with a folder in front of him, because he had to hide the tent (if ya know what I mean). So for me it was a live and learn thing. Kinda sucked, because years later I met another guy, Whatta Hottie :hypno2: , but I refused to go out with him. NOW, when I no longer worked there.....That's a whole nother story .

Anyhoo, I say get out there and have oodles of fun!!
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Old 09-18-2002, 04:08 PM   #6
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I agree totally with Dyan. It's all a matter of attitude and how you see yourself. I've got friends that are skinny with poor self esteem that can't find dates and I have friends that weigh over 350 pounds that can get dates left and right. You have to tell yourself that you are beautiful and deserve that date.

A piece of advice from a woman who worked on her weight loss journey and got side-tracked with dating. Don't let dating deter you from taking care of yourself. I got down to 260 when I started dating and had ballooned back up to 290 by the time I got pregnant and married. I decided I was having too much fun and stopped taking care of me. Just my 2 cents.

Good luck and I say go for it. Ask him out. You only live once and just think of all the time you are wasting by not finding out.
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Old 09-21-2002, 06:33 PM   #7
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Hey guys!
Thanks for the good advice. I do agree how you carry yourself and think about yourself really matters! I will let you know if anything happens...
laura
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Old 09-23-2002, 10:22 AM   #8
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lorelei..I am so happy you have gotten to the point of being ready to date. It's a whole new world, and can be lots of fun. Just be careful. There are many many fish in the sea, sometimes too many. lol

About the weight...I never found it hard to get a date at any weight. I think it has to do more with how you carry yourself, you're smile and your attitude.

Have fun chickie!!

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Old 09-23-2002, 12:14 PM   #9
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I gained 70# from the time I met my ex til the time we broke up. (He loved to take me out for Italian) Oy! I'm not ready to date. This does not mean my friends aren't trying to set me up. "Well, you're single & he's single! So what if he lives in his parents basement & collects comic books?" Bah.

That guy @ work likes you, Laura. Next time he comes by, just say real casually, "Hey, you wanna go grab a bite?" Your friend is sooooo right--no pressure, it's not like you are asking for his hand in marriage, hehe. Good luck! You go, Girl!
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Old 09-23-2002, 05:48 PM   #10
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Default Super Psyched!

I cant tell you guys how much you all have pumped me up!

Suchaprettyface-I gained 113 pounds in ten years with my ex!!
I soo can not believe that fact sometimes. Now I have lost 64 pounds (in 18 months) but have a long way to go. But what you said about him liking me, put a smile on my face. I almost feel like a teenager again. The whole giddy schoolgirl thing. He came by a lot today, but nothing happened. Just a lot of chit chat. Maybe I will get up the nerve to ask him out, you're right it's not legally binding or anything!

Jenniffer-thanks for the advice. It's funny since I've noticed being "noticed" I have paid even more attention to my makeup and hair, etc... too many fish is too funny!!

I will let you all know if anything happens~
laura
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Old 09-23-2002, 07:39 PM   #11
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My very skinny friend who was plus-size and is no longer said told me she was having problems dating. I made the comment that it was suppose to be easier now that she was skinny. The revelation she made was hysterical, "When I was fat, men were trying to marry me. Now, that I'm skinny, all they want to do is *&$@! me."

I love dating (no matter what happens you come home with a story to tell). I think that it does come down to personality, not body. I freaked out the first time I knew someone was going to see me naked after a big gain. My friend looked at me puzzled and said, "Do you seriously think that he thinks your Calista Flockhart under those clothes?" Duh! What was I thinking? Of course he knew I was a plus-size chica. And an incredibly sexy one at that!

Have fun dating. It's a riot.
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Old 09-24-2002, 11:07 AM   #12
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jessica,
I think what your friend said has truth to it! Guys may fantasize aobut having a hot chick but in truth they are probably jealous of all the attention she gets and cant handle it! The Calista comment was right on! What are we thinking?? We must think we are fooling everyone with our clever black outfits!! It sounds like an adventure-this wild dating world. And you are right, even if it goes bad, it will make a good story!
thanks!!
laura
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