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Old 09-14-2002, 12:31 AM   #1
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Default SORRY!!! (long)

i'm so sorry for disappearing on you all again! i've been having a heck of a time here lately. there is so much stuff going on with dillon right now that its hard to think about anything else.

on tuesday i met with dillon's teacher, the disabilities director of the head start, a family therapist, the school counselor and the school director. i talked with all of them for about an hour and then with the therapist alone for about an hour and a half. they were all so nice. they explained to me how dillon behaves and its worse than i thought. he won't participate or play with the other kids. he won't do anything unless the other kids are doing it though.... like picking up toys when he is done playing. he is striving for attention, even negative attention. he won't let anyone get close to him on an emotional level and he hardly leaves the side of his aid. they said one day he sat in her lap letting her rock him the entire time just crying and saying mama.

they want to move on with the evaluations for autism, add, adhd and other stuff.... and not wait the 2 months like his doctor suggested. they aren't ruling out immaturity but they want to be sure. they are going to evaluate his emotional level, psychological etc. the therapist is pretty sure its nothing like autism but may be ADD since it runs in our family. she too is worried about the meds. she really feels that its his speech that is causing his frustration and everything that is going on but they want to find out WHY he is so delayed, whether its because of having so many surgeries or what. she said what i have thought all along...... that it is very well possible that dillon had a stroke during one of his surgeries. and i know exactly which one too. before he had his second surgery (11 months) he was almost walking and he had a whole slew of words..... after the surgery i had to teach him all over again.

what they want to do is take him and put him in a smaller class where he will have more one on one attention and they want to train cara better. then gradually integrate him back into a normal classroom setting during the next 2 years. i signed for them to get all his medical records and they are going to go through everything to figure out a plan of action and see what we need to do about it. i know he needs all the help he can get. and i'm all for getting all the help we can get.

i realized that i have been in denial. i know dillon has problems but i guess i just didn't want to admit that it is as bad as it really is.

so the therapist noticed all the negativity i have towards myself and my ability to parent..... she offered me FREE THERAPY!!!! and says i really should be on meds for the anxiety and everything. so i think i'm gonna do it. since i got a new doctor just recently i'm gonna go ahead and make another appt. so i go to talk to her again next tuesday. i feel like i just let go of a huge rock i've been holding on to for a very long time.

so that's kinda what has been going on here the last couple weeks. i've been doing good with water..... haven't been getting 8 glasses but its better than i have been doing. i'm working my way up. i'm even thinking about going on the carb diet..... go me. LOL

and thank you all for the birthday wishes.... i feel so rude for just now coming and thanking you all. i hope y'all have a GREAT weekend.
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Old 09-14-2002, 03:04 AM   #2
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Shelly....I sure wondered where you were. My Darling I know this can be a very painful experience I will not say I understand as I can only imagine but I do know that this may be (regardless of how it feels)the best turning point of your life for you and for dear Dillion. So often it is in what we feel is the worst of times that great things happen. So hang tough babe it will work out better than you can imagine I am sure. Don't forget we are here and care about you and your family. God Bless.
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Old 09-14-2002, 09:28 AM   #3
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Shelly - Never be sorry for not being able to post. We wonder where you are, but we understand. I can only imagine how hard all this must be for you. But it sounds like you are on the right track. Please let us know what happens. I am glad that you are getting some therapy for yourself as well. I think sometimes we don't realize how hard things are and we feel like we should be able to "handle it" all by ourselves, when we could really use some help. {{{HUGS}}}
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Old 09-14-2002, 12:00 PM   #4
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Shelley - It sounds like Dillon has a group of wonderful, caring teachers who are truly concerned about him and want to do everything they can for him. You are so blessed! Still, in the midst of caring for everyone else, don't forget to care for YOU!
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mini-goals:
get out of the 230s by July 23rd: Met 7/23/2009
52 lbs. in 52 weeks (12/31/2009): Met 10/29/2009
Onederland:
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170.8 (100 lbs. lost):
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Old 09-14-2002, 09:01 PM   #5
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Default yikes, shelley!!!

darlin, you should get a medal for just getting out of bed in the morning!!! you certainly have your work cut out for you, but it also sounds as if you have plenty of support and resources in the teachers. that's a tremendous asset. use it ALL!!!!!!!

and we're here.. whenever you need...
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Old 09-15-2002, 09:50 AM   #6
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It sounds like you have a great support system in place. I would definately take advantage of it too! I hope they can figure out what's wrong so hopefully things will get easier for both of you---soon! My son has ADHD which is the hyperactive type. They usually dont diagnose this until kindergarten or first grade though. ADD is when they are not hyper just have trouble focusing on one thing at a time and they tend to see everything going on (like in a classroom) and it overwhelmes them. We think they are "out to lunch" so to speak and they are just having trouble "focusing". Hopefully a lot of it is just plain old immaturity which is common with all kids. I think a lot of ADD kids have this too and we medicate them to help them "keep up" with the others. This is why they say some kids "grow out of" ADD. Maybe they werent really ADD just immature for their age. Anyway--sorry for the novel. It does sound like you have been through a LOT. God bless you and your family! take care!!
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Old 09-15-2002, 11:27 AM   #7
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Laura....just a thought....as a teacher, I see WAY more boys "diagonosed" with ADHD than girls. I honestly think many of these boys are being mis-diagnosed, like you said. Please make sure your son's teacher tries EVERYTHING SHE CAN before she sends you to the doctor in the hopes she can get him drugged up. I know it takes a lot of time and energy for a teacher to do that, but personally, I don't think a kindergarten teacher has an excuse for NOT doing it! Kindergarten teachers have aides in the classroom to help them with precisely those types of things.

Good luck to you and your boy
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mini-goals:
get out of the 230s by July 23rd: Met 7/23/2009
52 lbs. in 52 weeks (12/31/2009): Met 10/29/2009
Onederland:
180 (driver's license weight):
170.8 (100 lbs. lost):
160 (10 lbs to go!):
150 (final goal):
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Old 09-16-2002, 11:11 AM   #8
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Now I'll add my 2 cents... I'm all for checking and double checking and triple checking, have him checked by everyone you can, but be glad that SOMEONE is willing to do the checking now, my oldest daughter has had problems since she started school, they just put it off as she has an argumentative, disruptive personality... last year, she was nearly failing, at the mid- year check, and they finally set her up with testing for learning disabilities and adhd, guess what they found? I was totally against medicating her, but SHE asked to try it, she was tired of being angry, and feeling stupid, so they put her on Concerta, and after a few initial dosing problems, she's a steady child again, not dopey, she's making A's and B's in school this year so far, and is confident enough to try, which was a big issue last year, she couldn't get a handle on anything, and was so frustrated that she just gave up...she was told she wasn't smart enough, and believed it... this year, she's proving everyone wrong
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Old 09-16-2002, 01:44 PM   #9
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PNG - I'm so glad someone finally got up off their ( | ) and recommended your daughter for testing! I have a boy in my classroom who cannot read. I mean, he CANNOT read ANYTHING beyond "My name is Devonte." Of the 250 sight words he should know before he leaves third grade (and he's in fifth), he knows maybe 40 of them. My question is HOW IN THE **** DID HE MAKE IT TO MY FIFTH GRADE CLASSROOM WITHOUT SOMEONE REALIZING HE CAN'T F-ING READ?! It's so sad to know that he's struggled all this time. Now, he's convinced he's just stupid, and it's nearly impossible for me to convince him otherwise. Of course, I am recommending he be tested for learning disabilities (and, truthfully, any idiot can see without testing him that SOMETHING'S not right...) so maybe he can get the help he needs. But you're right - it should never take this long for kids to get help in the first place.

Okay...stepping down off my
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mini-goals:
get out of the 230s by July 23rd: Met 7/23/2009
52 lbs. in 52 weeks (12/31/2009): Met 10/29/2009
Onederland:
180 (driver's license weight):
170.8 (100 lbs. lost):
160 (10 lbs to go!):
150 (final goal):
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Old 09-16-2002, 01:49 PM   #10
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I've had problems, too, with my 1st grader, and I've had good support with the people at school - as well as people at the Health Dept in her earlier years ... It sounds like you've got some great support, so make sure you continue to take advantage of it.

It's so easy, when your child has "problems," to beat yourself up over it. I've had times when I've told myself I was a bad mother, when I've felt guilty because maybe I didn't play with my children as much as I think I should because I had to do the dishes, or because I haven't made more of an effort to connect them with other children outside school, or I don't have enough money to send them to violin lessons ... Well, maybe I'm not the perfect mom, but nobody's perfect, and I do the best I can. And if circumstances make it impossible to do everything the way I'd like to do them, or the way I feel I should do them, I do the best I can. If I get frustrated and angry and yell, I do my best to calm down and keep showing them how much I love and value them. I don't beat them or ignore them to pursue my own personal pleasures all the time.

You're a good mom. You care about what's happening with your child and you're doing something about the problem. And you'll do the best you can do. If it's not perfect, that's FINE. Take good care of yourself, because that's an important element.

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Old 09-17-2002, 12:19 AM   #11
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Default awww Thanks!

y'all are just great. i volunteered in dillon's class today. we had a good time. i was so proud of him. he is doing better since my last post. we are still going to do the testing and stuff though. i just want to be sure. and i'll keep having him tested and checked until we find out for sure that something is wrong or that nothing is wrong.

laura--- dillon is a very hyper 3 year old despite his heart and all which everyone just marvels over. my cousin had ADHD, but is now bi polar, my brother had (?) ADD. he went on meds for a while and outgrew it like you were talking about. that's kinda why i think most of it is his speech delay and immaturity causing it.

i almost pulled him from the program because i thought he wasn't ready. but then i got to thinking that if i pull him then he may never be ready.

pen--- Thanks. all the time i ask myself what did i do for this to happen. i know its not my fault but deep down inside i can't help but question myself for the things i have done or didn't do. tha'ts going to be one of my goals in therapy for sure. i hate feeling like this.

jennelle---- i really hope thing work out for devonte. that is so sad.

png--- that is so great about your daughter!! i am thrilled to know she is doing well. i'm gonna check all the places i can to see what kind of help we can get with all of this. i feel like he is a little guinea pig but i just want him to be a normal kid for once in his life and if that means test after test after test then i'll do it.

jiffypop--- LOL Thanks! i really dont know what i'd do without all of you.

sandi & pam--- thanks for the support. i'll definitely keep you all posted on what happens.

tomorrow i meet with the therapist and we are going to talk some more about dillon. i've made a list of the words he says clearly and the ones he needs help with. she also wanted me to make a list of the times he throws fits to see if we can kinda pattern something out.

so unless something comes up and i dont get to meet with her i'll be reporting back in either tomorrow night or sometime in the next few days.
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Old 09-18-2002, 05:25 AM   #12
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SHelly, I used to be a regular here. I just wanted to send you a hug. Sounds like it has been more difficult that usual. It is wonderful that you have a great support network and so many people that are intereseted in helping your son! Take advantage of everything they offer! Take care , my prayers are with you.
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Old 09-18-2002, 08:34 AM   #13
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Well, I hope you find something out soon to ease your mind. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

Jennelle-Well, its too late. He is already on Adderall XR (extended release) one pill lasts all day. I honestly would be SUPRISED if he wasnt ADHD. I mean from the time he was two day care would say he was "rambunctious" (not sure how to spell that!) Starting in his preschool --teachers always came down on me on his behavior. He always blurts out answers without waiting to be asked. Falls out of his seat, spins around to the pencil sharpener, etc... you name it!! He was tested at the beginning of the first grade as being on a third grade reading level. He is smart, learns fast etc... but cant pay attention to save his life. The first grade teacher had other teachers come in her class to "observe" and see if any kid stood out behavior-wise and he always was noticed for it. Thats when we had our conference with all of these teachers and they asked me to take him to the doctor for evaluation. After filling out a questionaire and the teacher filling out one too, he was given the pills. There is a big difference with them but he still isnt as good as he should be. they have raised his meds a few times to get the right dosage too. When we have forgotten his medicine you can tell, he is a wild child and gets the notes to home about it.
Sorry for the novel!! And thanks for the concern. Its good to talk to a caring teacher about this!!
laura
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Old 09-18-2002, 10:31 AM   #14
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I'm praying for you and your family and that they can figure out what's up with Dillon!!
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