How to handle a RUDE family member who likes to "mention" my weight
UPDATE: After all my worrying, he kept his yap shut the whole visit! Maybe he had a premonition about the water pistol???
I am having some family come to visit for a week. One person coming, let's call him Jerk, likes to talk about my weight and make comments. This has been going on for many years and I've responded with a lot of anger in the past and I really don't want to let him get to me!
I would just tell DH to call off the visit but I did make a promise. However, when Jerk says things like "you really are an unusually large person" or "I feel so tiny next to you" I feel like cr*p. I know Jerk gets his jollies putting others down because he doesn't want the attention on him (he is not exactly on a success-track in life). I don't want to complain to my husband because he'll have a big sit-down and "talk" about it, which doesn't help one bit. Reminds me of my dad going to the principal with me in 3rd grade to meet with a bully. Needless to say, the bully didn't stop bullying me!
I know I'll be posting every five minutes when he is here! But, if anyone has any suggestions or wisdom about dealing with family bullies I would love to hear it!
Last edited by MissKoo; 05-01-2010 at 05:21 PM.
Reason: UPDATE!!
I loved what I read on here once... can't remember who originally said it... but when someone says something rude to her she responds with "Wow, did you really just say that out loud? How embarrassing for you." LOL... I've been waiting to use that line ever since I read it.
PUT the attention on him. Speak up and have everyone stare at him. Treat him like he's 3.
"Jerk, there are rules in this house. One of them is that we aren't rude to others."
If he keeps it up, don't invite him to visit at your house any more. There's hotels. The fam can gather in restaurants ot whatever. Then your home space isn't being poisoned by Jerk.
Get through this visit and don't make any more promises to DH about allowing people you dislike stay in your house.
How about, "I would love to have ALL day to workout like you, but I actually have a job. How is that going for you? Your job hunt?"
I know this isn't the most mature route, but it works. Everytime he brings up your weight bring up his lack of job or "success" he will stop comments about you, because he will want yours to stop too.
Or get a spray bottle with water in it and spray him in the face (like people do to misbehaved cats) everytime he makes a comment. If he is going to act like an animal, treat him like one.
Last edited by Shytowngal; 04-15-2010 at 02:29 PM.
Or get a spray bottle with water in it and spray him in the face (like people do to misbehaved cats) everytime he makes a comment. If he is going to act like an animal, treat him like one.
OMG - you guys are so funny! I love it! "Did you just say that out loud" CLASSIC. I have to use that. I'd like to make a joke about his job search but its been over a year and, even tho he is barely looking, I don't wanna rub it in. I will be purchasing a spray bottle, tho!
And, yes, this is my last time promising an open door to Mr. Jerk unless his attitude greatly improves!
I'm a big fan of the line Kae mentioned - not sure if I'm the original source, but I have used it to great effect and have mentioned it here. It's so simple, but puts people right in their place.
The correct tone is one of mild shock - like "oh dear, for you to say something so inappropriate, you must not have been aware! How terribly embarrassing for you!"
Or get a spray bottle with water in it and spray him in the face (like people do to misbehaved cats) everytime he makes a comment. If he is going to act like an animal, treat him like one.
OMG, I almost spit my tea!
I imagined myself going "Animal! Argh!" and squirting him.
I think that was Kaplods who made the "did you say that out loud..." comment. I remember that thread, too.
Not sure that I have any good suggestions to add, except to underscore the need to not invite or allow the invitation of jerks into your home.
And I don't know about you guys, but my animals can take a hint! Correct them a few times and the learn better manners! Sounds like jerk's synapses are firing at a reduced rate.
Nope it wasn't me (but I remember the thread, and I do love it). I like the spray bottle idea too, and it would be fun to threaten to use pepper spray if he keeps it up (you probably shouldn't do that - it could be construed as assault).
I have laughed and said (with a little sympathy in my voice) "You're an idiot, aren't you?"
I would NOT let him see anger. You've got to look at him as pitiful and ridiculous, almost beneath your notice. You only get angry when someone you respect says something mean. Would you get angry at a two year old, or a crippled, mentally handicapped person if they made fun of you because you had two eyes?
That's how you've got to look at this guy - as absolutely too ridiculous to take seriously. Look at him like he's from another planet, dirt under your fingernails, bellybutton lint, toe fungus.
I'd laugh (with a deep sneer) and say something like "Wow, with social skills like this, it's no wonder you've never succeeded in life. You might want to work on that. You might amount to something some day, if you learn to grow up (slight pause, pretending to think about it a second) ...eh, maybe not."
Shake your head like he's the strangest, most pitiful thing on the planent, and walk away (even if it's in the middle of what he's saying - remember you don't respect him enough to give anything she says any respect).
Personally, I'd tell my husband my plans and expect him to play along, and react as I do. I'd tell him that his ignoring the Jerk's comments or his advice to "talk it out" both give credibility and respect to this guys "opinions." He needs to be treated like a moron and a son of a b. for treating you this way, and ideally it should come from more people than just you, at least your very own husband.
I have to agree that ridicule or sarcasm would work best, but if you can't bring yourself to do that, totally ignoring him would probably help. If he sees anger, you are giving him what he wants. You know, his "I feel so tiny next to you" brings lots of thoughts to mind.
How to handle a RUDE family member who likes to "mention" my weight
Maybe he had a premonition about the water pistol???
Sounds like jerk's synapses are firing at a reduced rate.
