I apoligize if this is whiney but I have to vent because my boyfriend doesnt get it...
One of my friends called me today and asked if I wanted to go to the mall because she needed to find a dress. I didnt really think about it before I said yes but I shouldve known how miserable it was going to be. Sometimes I forget for just a millisecond that theres more than a hundred lb difference between us...the rest of the time Im well aware. She's 120lbs, my height, and is constanly hit on.
To say the least after getting ready and feeling pretty good today, after going into ALL of the *skinny* stores in the mall I feel defeated. Its not only walking into all the stores and feeling people starring at you the whole time but actually walking by stores/mirrors and seeing that Im atleast double the size she is when walking side by side.
How do you handle hanging out with your skinny friends? Ive always just ignored it but now that Im losing weight its something Im obsessive over.
On a good note after we left the mall I went to Old Navy and tried on some clothes and can officially say Im in a size 16!!! I havnt been a 16 since my freshmen year of highschool so Im super excited! Everything I tried on fit which Im thankful for after my night. Its just too bad I couldnt buy it all! =P
Crazy nursing school student, wife, and mommy to an active 1 year old!
I refuse to go into the "skinny" stores. I will go to the mall with my friends, look at jewelry and makeup, shoes (although I can't really wear 'trendy' shoes since I got this heavy, I need more support) accessories and such, but I will NOT go into clothing stores with them. I usually wait outside and people watch or read, or get a coffee or something. I can't handle going into those places. *shudder* I have nightmares about Abercrombie and Fitch.
__________________ Current goal: No longer morbidly obese
I have a friend who is about a hundred pounds less than me. She lost about 30 pounds herself and has always been extremely supportive of me. We go shopping all the time together and even if we go to stores that don't have anything to fit me, I look at it as a goal setting exercise. Eventually, I WILL fit into those clothes. We have fun looking at the different stuff and we always mix in stores where we can both shop - like TJ Maxx. And maybe I'm just dense, but I don't feel like people are staring at me or wondering what I'm doing in a particular store. I think too that age may play a factor. These things bothered me a lot more 10-15 years ago. I hated shopping with friends back then. But by now, I'm pretty comfortable in my skin, even if there's still a lot of it.
I'm sorry this got you down. But congrats on fitting into 16s!
~*~*~ Lesley ~*~*~
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail". Ralph Waldo Emerson
I definitely understand that! A good friend of mine probably maxes out at 110, and i try hard not to envy her when she gets to dress in these tiny cute clothes, and i get to play the slob in my big clothes. But then i just think about i will soon see those sizes, and i refuse to get discouraged that someone wears smaller clothes than me.Plus she always says how jealous she is that everyone thinks im so hilarious and they want to be my true friend, when they just see her as a sex object
but i think it's just lifes little way of reminding you that there is always something to strive for.whether you 110 and need a personality or you just want to fit into a size 7-8!
It's pretty draining, I can say that. My friends like to go into stores like Hollister and A&E, etc, and I really don't fit in there so I feel a little...left out. I mean I go in there because my friends and I still have fun just being with each other and all but seeing all those clothes for much smaller people. And it's kind of a bigger pain because sometimes, and this is me being paranoid, I feel like people will think that I think I can shop there when I know I can't and I'm hoping they know I can't.
Congrats on size 16! I can't wait til I get down there myself.
Last edited by bunnythesAINT : 04-10-2010 at 12:26 AM.
I'm lucky enough to have kids and where I live I can't find clothes my size mostly because I'm too tall... well so are most of my friends so it's no biggie. We shop in town for kid's clothes and house stuff and I shop online for clothes. I still think it's fun to look at clothing even if I can't fit it. Fashion is entertaining! I just try not to think about it too much.
It's OK to be Strong &Pretty!Lift heavy or go home!
Thanks for all the support ladies! Ive been wearing my new jeans around for the past hour and I feel better and even better hearing all of your stories too!
I do have to admit that it was fun to look around and get excited about being able to shop in those stores soon. I saw so much cute stuff that I wished I could buy and best of all it was cheaper than what Im used too.
I try not be paranoid and think everyones starring but its hard to do when the sales people were speaking directly to her after glancing at me. Its highschool students so Im not too bothered by it but it was just a reality check that Im not there yet.
Its definitely motivation to keep working hard though!!!
Crazy nursing school student, wife, and mommy to an active 1 year old!
I hate it! All my friends are so small, it makes me feel huge. And I totally get all the stares from people wondering what the **** you're doing in such a shop.
I tend to go shopping with my boyfriend these days (much to his dismay) just because I know I wont be judged for what size I'm picking out!
On a positive... Its really great finding honest and um shall I say tactical friends who you know are going to tell you if you look like crap in something though!! A lot of my friends from high school would tell me I looked great in something even if my fat was hanging all over the place, haha but my new friends are really honest (not in a mean way).
Shopping in stores like H&M with my (skinny) friends is one of my favorite things. I can't fit into anything there, but between the "that would look really cute on you!", "you might have to get a camisole to wear under that" parts of the trip I get to hunt for all of the absolutely ridiculous articles of clothing they try to sell unsuspecting teenagers and 20-somethings. I'm talking about the tiered, ruffly, denim skirts I would have loved when I was 5, and hideous floral minidresses, etc. I usually like about half the stuff in stores like that, so it's not going to come across like I'm make fun of my friends shopping (that's not how I feel at all. There's just so much stupid hipster fashion these days, and I love it!); but the Easter Egg hunt for hilariously ugly clothes (and immediately running back to my friends saying "OMG you guys! LOOK AT THIS!!!" feeling enormously pleased with myself) is thoroughly entertaining for me. I don't know if your friends would take that behavior personally or not, but I highly recommend it.
Sorry to be posting 2 months after the last post...
I've heard such awful stories about the attitude of this store to only want people with a certain look to wear their clothes. I currently buy my "on the way down" clothes at local thrift store and recently discovered that the size 14 jeans I just bought there are A&F.
I am so tempted to now wear them with the label showing while I walk in the mall that has the A&F store. Quite sure this middle aged overweight body is NOT the image they are going for...
Maybe I was just lucky when I was larger, but the friends (the skinny ones) that I'd go shopping with would always go into "my" stores with me. My college roommate felt out of place at Lane Bryant because she was a size 4, but went with me anyway because I went with her to "her" stores. If we went to the non-plus sized section of stores, she'd shop with me in the plus sized department.
Now I'm the "skinny friend" for my sister, who is larger. I'm the one that can't stand shopping with her. I try to be 50/50 about it, just like my friends were. She refuses to shop with me in any place where there's not a plus sized section, even though I always, always, ALWAYS go to sections where she can fit into the clothes and help her find things. When she does concede to going to "my stores" all I hear from her is "Wow I wish I could fit into that" or "Nothing cute is ever in my size," "Nope too fat for this," and on and on.
I'm not "skinny" but I weigh a lot less than my best friend, who is obese and has a great fashion sense. We'd go shopping with a 'skinnier' friend and really would enjoy shopping with her, helping her find clothes. I really appreciate the help of my friend and would never want her to feel the way you described
Since I'm the "skinny" friend now I try to be as fair as possible when going shopping with my friends, like we hit up my store then hers or vice versa or we go to somewhere like Cato's ....I know how you feel because I used to feel bad about going into the smaller size stores but they wanted me there because we are friends & they would go with me. We are a tight group though. It's just what friends do
"The most exciting, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."