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Old 09-06-2002, 12:42 PM   #1
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Boy am I bummed. Lost my posting and lost my ex-spouse. But, can't seem to lose my weight. Please help me.... Keep bouncing from 219 to 215 and back. Seem to be reacting to spouse's death. Need comfort.
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Old 09-06-2002, 01:30 PM   #2
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{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}. Sorry that you are bumming right now. It seems like the trying times in our lives are most often the times we turn to food the most. Maybe instead of focusing on your weight right now, focus on what is easier to control. Maybe work out every day, or make sure your drinking your water. Then you'll feel better about accomplishing what you set out to do, and then maybe work on the diet.
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Old 09-06-2002, 01:50 PM   #3
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Just do what Sandi said.. that seemed smart! Cut yourself a bit of slack. Work on getting rid of the stress then you will be able to gain control. I see what you have done as a success - you basicly have maintained - and that is a good thing!!!

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Old 09-06-2002, 04:03 PM   #4
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Thanks Sandi and Slim. I know deep down you are right. Tonight I am going to do some heffty yard work and see how I feel in the morn. You are the best.:
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Old 09-06-2002, 05:59 PM   #5
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I know its easier said than done but eating never really helps (well maybe for a minute or two!! ) Gee, I dont know what to say about your ex passing. You must have a lot of conflicting feelings. I am in the middle of a divorce myself so maybe I am the worst one to say anything!!
take care of yourself and your kids. Are they your ex's children? If so, I feel for them too. Its hard for a child to lose a parent.

God Bless!
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Old 09-09-2002, 09:02 AM   #6
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Thank you Lorelei, yes my daughter is his only child. She is very alone. So this makes it very hard on me. I am so angry still. She deserved better. I wish he could have found it in him to be the man he was capable of being. He just could not be what he needed to be. A good father and spouse. I could divorce him but she could not. This is the heart break. Thankyou again for listening.
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Old 09-09-2002, 07:32 PM   #7
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I'm sorry for your loss. I wish I had some wordly advice for you but I'm going to fall in line with the others.

Maintaining your weight during a crisis is really a victory though I know it sometimes doesn't seem that way. Be gentle on yourself and don't put additional pressure on yourself.

Treat yourself the best you can and just take it one day at a time.
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Old 09-10-2002, 12:14 PM   #8
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Thanks you all very much. I could not do it without you. Your support means alot. Again, thank you.
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Old 09-10-2002, 04:30 PM   #9
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I am really sorry about your daughter's loss. I have an only child too ( a seven year old boy). My soon to be ex was a lousy husband and dad too. I mean he was there physically but not emotionally. He never did anything with our son which made it easier when we split cause he doesnt miss his dad's attention (he never got any anyway). He does have visitation every other weekend but I really think it is to appease his family so they can see their grandson.
I have been sensative to this lately since seeing "Telling Nicholas" on HBO. Its a documentary about a 6 yr old who lost his mom in the 9/11 attack. She was soon to be divorced and now the dad is raising him. Anyway, that documentary really got to me--a total major tearjerker!!

well again, take care of yourself and your daughter. Dont forget prayer, it really helps...
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Old 09-10-2002, 04:41 PM   #10
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Loreili, I think it is wonderful that you have a seven year old boy. Getting divorced is not as bad as many make it our when the spouse and father are like mine and yours. My ex, God rest his soul, had bad mood swings. He got homicidal and sucidal. That's no lie. I had to divorce him or die. He was emotionally abusive like yours. He would put bruises on my daught when she was 1 y.o. He did not want to share love or money. As a physician he made all kinds of money and spent every last dime leaving instructions on how to be buried without having any funds to bury him. Luckily, his relatives jumped in and paid for everything (only after I shamed them into it). My daught misses her father even though they had a poor relationship. He had visitation every other month but I really think it is to look good to his family.
I am sorry I missed the HBO, "Telling Nicholas" . It sounded good. That type of story would make me cry. But once it is out of your system for awhile you feel better, don't you??
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Old 09-11-2002, 11:50 PM   #11
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wow, sometimes you dont realize others are going through or have gone through the same thing you are. Most people split due to affairs it seems-- but with him, he just didnt want to be married anymore and really we were emotionally divorced for so long it wasnt that hard to get used to after the initial shock of hearing the words "I want a divorce". It really was the best thing for me and Logan (my son). I think he gets more attention from him now than before. Logan would actually say things like "remember when dad took me to the park that time" (because he only did this once...) unbelievable. Some people will do or pay anything to have a child and he has one and was so indifferent to him. Didnt want to be bothered really. Being on the internet or whatever was WAY more important than us. If we came to see him in the computer room he'd say "what are you all following me in here for?" just stuff like this all the time. I dont know what he thought marriage was going to be.
I am really sorry about what your ex did to your little girl. That is inexcusable. I dont know how people can do that to a little child like that.
Yeah, "Telling Nicholas" was something else. They have shown it a few times-maybe you can look for it. I warn you though it almost haunts you. I would think about that poor little boy and feel so bad for him-- and imagine thousands of kids lost a mom or day that day!!
Wow, this is a depressing post!! If nothing else, know you arent alone and you and your daughter will get through this.
God Bless!!
laura
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Old 09-12-2002, 08:59 AM   #12
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Laura, don't let this posting depress you. I am getting through this and so is my daughter. We have both been and are going through counseling to deal with the issues left unresolve from my ex. It is not so bad if you have the ability to confront and deal with the issues in the right way. You have help a lot and yes, it is uncanny how similar our experiences have been.... Only diff is that I initiated the divorce and in your case you did not get a chance to...Hope you and Logan do ok. God be with you and you have my prayers.
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Old 09-12-2002, 06:55 PM   #13
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Thanks and ditto! I am glad you have had counseling too. I went to a divorce support group for a while and that helped just talking things out.
have a good weekend!
laura
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