[MissKoo]

Okay. I'm back up in the 260s. I had gotten down to in the low 230s late 09. What happened? Well, I starting eating myself into an emotional fog again and I'm certainly paying the price.

Mental note to myself: Self, you were doing well when you were posting and journaling everyday. hmmm . . .

It's Spring break and I'm stuck in bed. My back is out - again. I realize that thin folks can have bad backs but I'm very out of shape and my weight is hard for my weak muscles to haul around. I ended up in the Emergency two weeks ago. I could barely move and the pain was blinding. They pumped me full of pain meds (thank you!), took some xrays (some "degenerative" stuff going on - yes, I know. That's not the main problem), and the doctors asked me if I had considered losing some weight. I had to laugh at that (& it wasn't just the morphine!). Considered it? Yes. From every possible angle and intent. Done it? Over and over again.

I started physical therapy and I'm trying to stay away from the pain meds. I know how easy it is to get hooked because of back pain. Last night, I woke up about every 1/2 hour in a cold sweat. My back is spasming. My GERD is back and burning like a wild fire. My feet ache. I'm depressed. I'm obese.
My blood pressure is way up (this is totally new for me - NEVER has been high before). My life is passing me by because I'm stuck in a trap that I could have avoided - but didn't.

So many of us tried and succeed and backslide and fail and try again and . . . well, you know how it goes. What is it about the demon fat that makes him (her?) such a powerful foe? I don't want to get religious here but I'm positive that Satan is real and he's made of donut batter.

My thought is that when I don't pay attention, everything goes wrong. Weight creeps up. Exercise goes away. My home is a cluttered mess. Family and friends get neglected. All that I see is the next treat I'm going to eat.

Since I'm in bed anyway I have no excuse not to get back to keeping my food journal, my posting & reading here (which helps SO much). It puts my attention back where it belongs!

Here is my mini-goal. Every day this week I am going to log my food. I will weigh myself ONLY ONCE and log that. I will make getting healthy again a priority by NOT ignoring it!

It took a lot but I think I may have learned something!!!!!

[jewelrymaker81]

Originally Posted by MissKoo

My life is passing me by because I'm stuck in a trap that I could have avoided - but didn't.

Believe me, I know all about that. It makes me sick to think back on all the time I wasted by not sticking to this sooner. I remember being a size 16 thinking, okay this is it. I will not go up another size! Well, now I'm a size 28 and can't go up another size or I won't be able to shop anywhere! Not that I have too many choices as it is! But, you're taking the first step by making a change, which is all any of us can do. You can't make the rest of the journey until you make the first step, so you are well on your way! There is no failure in starting again, the only failure is in staying quit!!

[MomtoThree]

I understand the creeping up on you. I know that is how I have ended up here over and over again. I am glad you are posting and have a plan. I also found that posting helps me stay on track.

[giselley]

Can you figure out from your backsliding what you did wrong and how to fix it?

Until I took up back strengthening exercises (yoga is good) my back problems dis not stop.

About the only thing I can say about bad backs is that you need to make the muscles around the spine stronger. I have had spinal stenosis, where the back went out and pinches on the spinal cord. It is rotten and the pain lasts for 6 months. I can also understand the depression. You can't do much about it while you are in this predicament, but you can after you are well. Sleep as much as you can. Don't avoid the meds. Sleep is when healing happens. Your body goes into a state where healing happens. -- don't know much about it. When your prescription runs out you will have time enough for pain.

I don't know if it is a skinny/fat issue, it is a back strength issue. I wish you well, because back problems can be horribly painful. See if your doctor allows magnesium. That loosens muscles, and eat some potassium pills or bananas to stop cramps. I've known potassium/magnesium to stop a cramp in about 5 minutes.

[angelskeep]

I ride the bicycle to help with my back. I have to take aleve so my muscles dont' hurt too much, but certainly don't need narcotics or muscle relaxers anymore. Maye it would help you too. When I quit smoking, the serial quitters were always encouraged to start over again when they backslid with the idea that all the other times were just practice for this time. The real time. The last time.

Hope you feel better soon and know lots of folks here rooting for ya! Before, those times were all just practice for this time!

Barb

[PaulaM]

I have a herniated disc in my lower lumbar region. I went to PT for eight weeks and it didn't do much. I've had this pain for about a year and a half now. I started going to the gym again, treadmill, weight machines and swimming. My body is sore all the time, which distracts me from the back pain LOL. I know it's not funny, but what choice do we have. My therapist told me the same thing others have said, the stronger our core is the less our back will hurt. I definitely believe the more weight we lose the better we will feel too. We're here for you, and we can encourage each other. We all got fat the same way, one pound at a time, and that's the same way we're going to get thin.

[MissKoo]

Thanks to you all for replying! It is helping me adjust my attitude today.

I just got back from seeing the Physical Therapist. I have more exercises to do and some new stretches using my yoga strap. I think that what is worse than the pain is the worry that it won't go away. It's back to taking each day (each task) easy and letting myself heal.

I am very glad I posted last night. Barb - I like what you said about the serial smoking quitters. I remember quitting. I took about eight times but I haven't smoked in about fifteen years. Like with quitting smoking, my previous dieting attempts will be step stones for this time where I will succeed.

[mkyice]

MissKoo~ I hope you feel better soon. I have had my back go out quite a few times. It sucks! Rest and take care of yourself. I also hit a rough patch last fall and started emotioanlly eating and gained back 28lbs back before I regained control. Get back up, dust yourself off, and try again. :~)

[graceandbalance]

I'm sorry to hear about your back! Glad to have you posting again though. Please don't be too hard on yourself about your backslide - you're starting from today!