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Old 03-18-2010, 10:21 PM   #1
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Default Who else is cleaning fridge?

Rest day from workout.

I'm spending the time cleaning the (&$%(&%$ kitchen and fridge so the rest of the week and weekend can be saner for staying on track with food.

I'm trying not to be resentful. Child does her bit, putting her dirty things into the sink and food trash in the trash. She's little.

But I get cranky when spouse does same because he's a grown up who could actually RUN the dishwasher and not be piling up. When things are piled up on counters and I have to clean before I can cook diet friendly things, I want to say "Ugh! Screw the cleaning and screw the cooking!" and then I look for fast eats that aren't so diet friendly.

A friend of mine today summed it up nicely at a gal pal lunch "DH tries to help as best he can but you ladies know... he's still the Dad."

I guess I eqaute the verbal "Sure hon, I'll support you with this diet thing" to tangible acts of support. Only I can do the food log, I can do the workout, only I cook... but dang, free something ELSE up for me so I don't have to fight so hard in the kitchen battleground! 3 people use it, why does only 1 maintain it?

That's probably another thread. Blah.

So anyway... off to clean the kitchen...

A.
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Old 03-18-2010, 10:27 PM   #2
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Have you talked to him about it? Maybe if you sit down with him and tell him that you need his support in other ways, and give him examples, like putting his (and your child's) dirty dishes in the dishwasher and running it when he sees it's full.

I think that this is an issue that doesn't just affect women who want to lose weight--but you can frame it through that to make it more concrete for him to understand.
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Old 03-18-2010, 10:45 PM   #3
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I can totally feel your pain on this one too... I must be channeling you, but like 30 minutes later... I made dinner, asked the bf to get me a glass of water with ice to go with dinner, it never happened. I also did the dishes to help me get through tomorrow..

I wish I had a solution for you, maybe a chore chart? That really helped my brother and his gf. Either way, you have to talk to him. You could try something like "I'm noticing that I'm doing the dishes most of the time. I'm feeling overwhelmed with dieting, working out, and doing the dishes. I'd appreciate it if you could help with the dishes".

Good luck - and hopefully you can get that extra help.. some days it's easy to do it all, but my goodness some days is just too overwhelming!

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Old 03-18-2010, 10:57 PM   #4
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I hear you. Something I started doing was filling up the sink with soapy water so stuff had a place to go that was nit the counter. It seems to make it harder to be messy with a big bunch of suds staring you in the eye.
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Old 03-18-2010, 11:25 PM   #5
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We have talked about it. I'm not ready to revisit that discussion because honestly, BTDT. Just needed to let it out and blow off steam for today.

He does his best and tries, but he's "blind" in ways I am not. Part of it is upbringing. He had a more casual, boisterous, messy home growing up. I had a stricter, rigid, white sofas, breakables, everything in its place kind of thing.

I'd like a balance between the two so our own child doesn't run quite as amok as he did nor feel so hemmed in like I did. But I think in real terms it is easier for me to "relax" my growing up standard than it is for him to "firm up" his growing up standard. I have the skills set. I just have to not be anal about it. He lacks some of the skills set. So before he can improve it by firming it up, he has to learn it period.

As the SAHM, I assume a lot of the house stuff and this is fine. Goes with the job.

I just resent it when people make extra work for me out of carelessness or not paying attention. Like, aren't you grateful I already do 90% of the work here to make home nice for all?
  • Can shoes be left in the shoe cubbies by the front door so dirt isn't tracked all over the house? You have to take them off anyway, so why not take them off in the assigned area?
  • If you drink some milkshake thing, is it so hard to rinse out so it doesn't gunk on the glass? You got it to the sink... can't do one extra small step? Or a bit more of a step and just hand wash it?
  • If you give the child a bath, either make her clean up the bath toys or don't allow them in the first place! Don't leave them for me!

At any rate, I got counter and sink triage done and the trash out. Actual fridge deep down cleaning will have to be tomorrow because it is getting late and I still need to shower and wind down. But an improvement!

A.
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:38 AM   #6
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ergh I've got the rage from cleaning the fridge at WORK!!!!!! How can grown up people (and we're mostly women!!!) be so gross???? I mean, GROSS!!! I'm being ruthless, throwing out anyting expired, containers and all (i put up a notice "if you want it, get it out by today or it's going!") and I'm getting ready to unload a bucket of bleach, grrrrrrr.

sorry, back on topic! ha!

What to say about DH's??? I've long given up being resentful or stressed over it, he is what he is, and is not going to radically change at this point, so I just adjusted my expectations ~ makes for a calmer living environment! I figure when he's out cutting the lawn, shovelling snow, fixing the roof or killing the bugs, he pulls his weight (shhhhh don't tell, but i'd rather do the cleaning things myself anyway!)
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Old 03-19-2010, 10:44 AM   #7
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WOW this sounds exactly how I was feeling with my husband about 15 years ago - and I actually did sit down with him and shared how I was feeling.....I did realized he can't read my mind (but should be able to hahaha).

Now we have been married 17 years and he's a peach!
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Old 03-19-2010, 12:38 PM   #8
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I have to clean the kitchen immediately after I cook dinner...and usually rinse out bowls, plates etc while I'm prepping. The dishwasher is always dirty dishes...so as soon as they get rinsed they are thrown in the washer...once it's full it gets turned on before bed and emptied the next morning before breakfast. When it's small things to clean like one meal; maybe it won't feel like such a "chore" or more like part of the process?!

I dunno, just my 2 cents.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:04 PM   #9
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Thanks for the feedback, gang. I know when I'm less cranky I'll revisit the topic with DH.

Sorry to hear about the gross work fridge, Trazey 34! Ick. Sounds like our church fridge -- lots of people put things in, but feel "too respectful" about moving other people's stuff and it ends up rotting and getting gross because the original person who put it there forgets it is there. When I go in there I just toss freely. No name and date, out it goes! Tough!

Anyway, clearing out freezer and fridge in stages today. It is looking better.

Yay!

A.
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Old 03-19-2010, 03:11 PM   #10
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ugh- boys. hubby was all hurt i didn't notice that he had "picked up" as he put it. umm... balancing all the dirty dishes on the counter on top of each other isn't really helpful to me, my dear. but thanks!! lol.
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Old 03-19-2010, 05:29 PM   #11
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Story of my life. I live with two other roommates who have decided that the sink and fridge are a catch-all for dishes and rotting food. My SO and i went out to dinner last night, so in the last 48 hours, 1/2 of the household hasn't cooked at home. Yet, my huge sink is filled to the brim with dishes and there are greasy pans on the stove.

I just don't get it. They aren't going to wash themselves, why not do them when you're cooking, rather than leave them for days.

Sorry, I didn't mean to high-jack your thread. But I understand your frustration and I hope you guys can work out something that doesn't leave you wanting to pull our your hair
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Old 03-19-2010, 05:30 PM   #12
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lol my DH is more like you & your DH is kinda like me...well almost! I do the bulk of the cleaning, etc but was raised in a looser household (I'm the oldest of 7) than my military brat of a DH, who is an only child. I love when he cleans lol but the times when he goes right behind me & recleans what I just did makes me wanna scream!

My only advice is to keep the line of communication open...I've been with my DH for almost 15 years. He actually catches himself and apologizes to me for being so anal lol
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Old 03-19-2010, 06:12 PM   #13
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You guys make me laugh because I remembered years ago when then BF now DH and I lived with a roomie there would be times where I'd break out paper plates and ban the use of MY dishes because of the sink crazy.

So in hindsight, he's improved over the years. I can't remember the last time I had to actually ban him from using dishes because it was horrible.

It gives me hope that by the time we hit our 20th he will master the art of just rinsing or handwashing the milk glass.

A.
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