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How do you cope with being "formerly fat"?

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Old 03-06-2010, 11:06 AM   #1
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Default How do you cope with being "formerly fat"?

So, I'm 191, down from 260. at 5'6" with a busty large frame, this puts me comfortably in a US size 12 jeans, "smaller than the national average of size 12-14" and at 38 years old, I'm smaller than a lot of my peers.

I have little issues, like clothes. I have job interviews coming up and I need to get a suit because my smallest ones (size 16) look like clown pants. I know how to get a suit, I just hate doing it knowing that I am blowing through the sizes.

I have bigger issues, like perception of my body. I feel fatter than my friend who muffin-tops a size 16 jean. Why? Part of the problem is, I haven't seen a picture of myself for a long time (my husband can't take a picture to save his life and I'm embarrassed to ask someone else to take a picture for me)...I want my dad to take some pictures but I won't see him until Memorial Day. My only friends that I can ask are having "fat" issues right now and I don't want to "rub it in their face.

Another issue is, everybody wants to talk about my weight loss. That's fine, I'm happy to talk about it. But often, there's someone with them that I haven't met before, and so I'm introduced as "the formerly fat woman" which is getting kindof old.

And then, I'm meeting people (on my own) who didn't know me, and sooner or later, I let it slip that I've just lost 70 pounds and they are like WOAH. The other day, someone told me, for the first time, "You've stopped eating, that's not healthy! You need to eat!" (again, my BMI says I'm still obese for another 6 pounds!)

Or I run into someone who should recognize me but they don't because they think they should be looking for the fat girl.

And, knowing that I still have probably 30 pounds to lose, I'm concerned about what further consequences of the "transfiguration" I haven't anticipated. I already had a saggy belly from the pregnancy, so I was already anticipating that.

What have your experiences been?
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Old 03-06-2010, 11:27 AM   #2
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1. go to Goodwill. Buy a suit that fits. They usually have fabulous stuff and you don't have to invest a lot in a size you won't wear long.
2. Go to wal-mart. Spend $20 in the photo room getting your picture taken. They'll do full body, face, side view, whatever you want. You don't have to buy a bunch, just a basic package. It's worth the money to start seeing yourself the way you really are.
3. Let it go. Some people used to be fat. Some people used to be skinny. I, myself, used to be young. :-) Everybody's got a past, but it's your present that defines you. You don't have to relive the process for everyone you meet. It's acceptable to say, "we all change, don't we?" and just move on with the conversation.
4. Find some enjoyment in not being recognized. It's a reminder of how far you've come.
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:05 PM   #3
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As time goes by you'll meet new people that never knew you as the 'formerly fat' girl. I do a number of fitness classes and not one of the ladies there knew the former me. I like being 'incognito'. After one session I was in a locker room conversation about a large girl who just joined - nothing nasty just they thought she was plucky for attempting the class at her size. I did think then that if anyone had known that I was her size once they wouldn't be talking with me there.

I used to slip the 120lb weightloss into conversations at one point but I just keep quite now - its my secret sssshhh.

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Old 03-06-2010, 12:12 PM   #4
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If you don't feel like asking someone you know to take a picture of you, I have a simple solution"

Go to a mall or touristy spot or other place with many strangers. Bring your camera.

Ask one of them to take a picture or several pictures of you.

CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESS!!!
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:33 PM   #5
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Ah, the problem with the stranger and camera is, that I'm terribly un-photogenic, to the point where it's almost a joke (I've done quite a bit of stage work, and directors have commented how hard it is to catch my look). So I need someone who actually knows what they are doing to take the pictures at flattering angles and not show me the bad ones. We had some pictures taken a few years ago at Wal-Mart (with our kids) that I could ALMOST stand.

We had a recent "girl's trip" my mom/daughter and I, I weighed 205 when I left and gained 12 pounds of water (literally lost it 3 days after I got back) during the trip. On the last day of the trip, I realized I didn't have any pictures of me, so my mom took some pics of me, and I was so depressed, I was like "I look like I weigh 220!" (which of course, I did, because I was bloated).

I think I am going to wait a little longer, get a nice haircut, get toned, lose another 20 or so, and maybe get a spray tan, and then pay someone to take some real pictures of me and my family...a real photographer who moves the camera around and the lights around, 'cause we're worth it.
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Sometimes the only thing I can control is what I put in my mouth, and I want to treat myself and others like I love them. So no more abusing myself with food.
Started IP 5/4/15 at 240 after South Beach.
W1:-10. W2:-2.8 W3: -7
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:45 PM   #6
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WOW weebles......your weight loss is very impressive and inspirational for me. I started just this week at 261 and I am 40

Good advise TRACI - well said!

I'm the skinny girl that's now fat. Can't wait til I'm the fat girl that is NORMAL.
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:56 PM   #7
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Traci gave you some great advice

In time it's easier to handle! I don't have people pointing me out as much but it still happens & I think as long as I live in a small town people will talk about me either to my face or behind my back. Whatever floats their boats

Heck my pictures I have taken at goal are either self portraits or my 8 year old has taken them lol as long as I can see my progress it doesn't matter if my eyes are shut or my face is contorted in some weird way while talking to my son

Just take one day at a time and don't let others worry you!
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Old 03-06-2010, 12:58 PM   #8
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I wish you lived closer weebles - we're about a 25hr drive apart! I'm a photographer and I'd volunteer to take your picture for you
Congratulations on your progress! I'm the same way as you though, I never have any pictures of myself because I'm always behind the camera and I don't see weight loss looking in the mirror. I swear at GW I'll still look in the mirror and see the 245lb me. As soon as I see a picture I immediately see the progress... weird how that is. You need those pictures girl, you deserve to see the beautiful transformation you have made!
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Old 03-06-2010, 01:21 PM   #9
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I am moving to a new area soon and it will be nice to be "incognito." I have even been out to the new area to map my running path. I have also measured the distance it is to my farmer's market where I buy most of my produce.

ETA: Some of you may remember I was going to move about 7-8 months ago. Well, I backed out on the deal due to cold feet. My feet are warm now and I am ready to make the change. HELLO COUNTRY!
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:16 PM   #10
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Summerblue, anytime you want to talk, let me know. I think you may find that the first few months are astonishingly satisfying if you stick to a plan.

Krysi, you don't live in Portland, do you? I go out there every once in a while. Lol. It would be worth it to have a photographer that understood the "formerly fat foible"

Traci, I know you're right (and I love your comment about "I used to be young"). I tried looking for a suit at Goodwill the other day and they were all just very cheap (ie low quality to start with) and dated and worn out. I used to work in a skyscraper, so I know suits...their jeans were nice, I bought 2 pair, and a cute casual blazer. Maybe I can alter the pants on the smallest suit I have, I don't know... I'm just very picky about the fit and quality of suits, and it's not good to go into an interview not being fully confident about your clothes. What is frustrating is that I'm a minister and we can wear robes to do our jobs with "business casual" or blazer/cardigan and dress pants underneath, so I don't really need a suit (although I would wear them instead of the robe when I get to goal), but you still should wear a suit for the interview. I'm mostly just whining. I used to whine about being fat. Now I'm whining about not being fat, I guess. waah me, my pants don't fit...
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Sometimes the only thing I can control is what I put in my mouth, and I want to treat myself and others like I love them. So no more abusing myself with food.
Started IP 5/4/15 at 240 after South Beach.
W1:-10. W2:-2.8 W3: -7
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Old 03-06-2010, 02:36 PM   #11
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Re: the suit, if you have a high quality suit that's now too big, it might be worth it to get it professionally altered. Professional seamstresses can do a great job of cutting clothes down several sizes, and it will cost less than a whole new suit of the same quality.
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Old 03-06-2010, 03:20 PM   #12
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Hi Weebs!

Quote:
Originally Posted by weebleswobble View Post
I have job interviews coming up and I need to get a suit because my smallest ones (size 16) look like clown pants. I know how to get a suit, I just hate doing it knowing that I am blowing through the sizes.
I really think you need a suit that fits you at your current weight and is something you feel good in for your interviews. Like you, I am not really excited about purchasing a bunch of clothes that won't fit in a few months, and for many items-Goodwill is fine. An interview suit is different. I really suggest you buy something that is comfortable (easily tailored) and suitable to your interviews.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weebleswobble View Post
I have bigger issues, like perception of my body. I feel fatter than my friend who muffin-tops a size 16 jean. Why? Part of the problem is, I haven't seen a picture of myself for a long time
Weebs, I think the idea of a sit down photo session is a great one, but I agree with the others that you need something now. I was with my Sister yesterday, and we handed the cell phone camera to a stranger to take a picture. I don't consider myself photogenic, either, but it does measure progress. This will also help you with coming to grips with your self perception as you continue your journey.

Quote:
Originally Posted by weebleswobble View Post
But often, there's someone with them that I haven't met before, and so I'm introduced as "the formerly fat woman" which is getting kindof old.
I think these people need a loving one on one talk where you explain that your weight loss journey is personal that you would like to make the decision about when you share that journey....letting them know kindly that being introduced as "the formerly fat woman" is a bit..."embarrassing".

Quote:
Originally Posted by weebleswobble View Post
The other day, someone told me, for the first time, "You've stopped eating, that's not healthy! You need to eat!"
I have a well practiced answer, which seems to calm the chatter. I say, "I eat plenty, I'm just eating for my health." Then they ask if I'm dieting, and I say, "I've really cleaned up my eating. I've cut out all white flour and sugar for 10 mos. now, and am focusing on whole grains, fruits and vegetables." and...."I feel great!"

With alot of these things, the common denominator is just time. It's going to take you some time to get used to the new you, and it will take others some time, as well. One of these days, you'll be at a point where you've maintained for awhile and you'll feel comfortable in your own shoes. You'll have your new job, new friends and associates and you will start to meet people who only know you at your maintenance weight. I think that sounds very exciting! My best wishes, always, to you.
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Old 03-06-2010, 08:21 PM   #13
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traci in training, I LOVE YOUR POST!!!! that is all.
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