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Insecure. :o/

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Old 03-05-2010, 09:27 AM   #1
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Unhappy Insecure. :o/

Ok so there is a REALLY gorgeous guy that is hitting on me. The problem is that he takes such good care of himself that I am having a hard time thinking he is out for more than just a booty call. I mean he is in the army as a drill seargent, dark hair, dark eyed italian, 5'11 and 225lbs of muscle. He is a single dad, personal trainer on the side, and seriously BUILT in the body. He tells me he likes thick girls, I keep thinking he could have any bikini "barbie" he wanted, why on earth would he want my fat ***? ****, I weigh more than he does!!! LOL.

I know I am selling myself short. I'm pretty, I have a great personality and I'll be the first to tell anyone that I just plainly rawk! (in a laughing manner without being snooty if you know what I mean).

BUT....

I totally can't seem to get passed the fact that I think he is out of my league simply based on my weight. I know if I looked like one of those bikini "barbies" I keep referring to, I would never second guess myself this way.

Argh!!!!!! How do I keep from letting my own insecurities get in the way?
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:43 AM   #2
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Well, if you’re like I was, you’ve made the misassumption that fit men always like “fit” girls. I always assume that the built, muscular, super healthy men like teeny tiny or rock solid women. This is not true. Everyone has a different type. He just might prefer your body type and really appreciate your curves! Just because he’s a gym rat doesn’t mean he wants a woman from the front of a fitness magazine. And I’m sure he’s attracted to your personality as well.

Give it a chance. You’ll have that little doubtful voice in the back of your head…but give it a shot, see what happens. And if it turns out he has bad intentions (do you think that’s in his character from what you know of him), write it off and move on. It really can’t hurt…but it could turn out to be a really good move!
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:49 AM   #3
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I get your insecruties about this! But--why would he lie? Why would he say he's attracted to you if he's not? If you're worried about him just wanting a booty call, then make sure you get to know him, just date him for awhile, as long as you need before getting physical. If he's just in it for the physical aspect, he won't wait around too long! If he's really into you though, he'll put in the time it takes for you to feel comfortable. (I think this is a good rule for any woman dating any man!)

Lucky lady, finding a super hottie!
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:52 AM   #4
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Is it really so crazy for him to be attracted to you? I mean, there are men out there who are into midgets, bestiality, amputees... You're just a girl with a few extra curves. ;P It's not a big deal, especially since he and so many others find them sexy. 'Kay, so maybe there are some characteristics about your body that you don't like... But what is it about them that makes them unlikable, or bad? It all depends on who's lookin' at them, and he obviously likes what he sees. So go for it!

I'm not very good at these pep talks, so excuse me if I've offended anyone. It's not my intention.

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Old 03-05-2010, 10:44 AM   #5
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I agree that there are definitely men who like thick women, I've dated some of them myself!

but the one thing that I wonder about (and I'm sure I'm over thinking all of this) is whether he would be supportive of your weight loss efforts or if he'd try to sabotage you because of his personal preferences and attraction to bigger women.

I've put dating on hold for now, myself, because of questions like this (plus I think it's hard to diet and date, too many meals out, etc)
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Old 03-05-2010, 10:50 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rythm View Post
Is it really so crazy for him to be attracted to you? I mean, there are men out there who are into midgets, bestiality, amputees... You're just a girl with a few extra curves.
That is so funny (lllol) I think I have met all of them.
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Old 03-05-2010, 10:53 AM   #7
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i agree with much of the above advice. take time to get to know him.. you can figure out a persons intentions pretty quickly.

(as a side note, if he is "just looking for a booty call"... hehe, that means he's attracted to you as you are!). i'm not encouraging this, just saying...
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Old 03-05-2010, 10:55 AM   #8
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Thanks for the support girls.

Thicknpretty - I think I have had that misconception about fit guys liking fit girls, too. I guess I just never considered they would want anything else.

Paris - I totally intend to get to know him before any physical acitivies. That's just how I am anyway. I don't know him well enough to know his motives just yet because I've been keeping myself distant. I agree with you, I'll know soon enough if those are his motives and he'll be gone just as quickly if they are.

Edit: Some of you snuck in on me! Thanks everyone for the support!

Rythm: You are right, there is nothing unattractive about the parts that I don't like just because *I* don't like them. I understood what you meant.

Peanut: I don't know if he would be supportive or not. He's already offered to be my personal trainer if I like, but I don't know what would happen once I got closer to goal. I have a hard time believing that my boobs,hips and butt will go away no matter how small I get.

I am just going to take it one day at a time and see what happens. It's just going to be hard to shut that voice up inside my head that wonders. There is no reason I don't deserve a man who looks good!
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:01 AM   #9
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Maybe, just maybe, someone who is into fitness like that doesn't see the stigma of being overweight. It could be that it is just something you can fix, so there is no reason to get hung up....am I making any sense ?
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:15 AM   #10
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Ummm....forgive me if this is off, but it looks like you win either way, right?

If he's that hot, what's wrong with the booty call?? It works both ways, dear! He sees somethin' he likes, for sure. That's not a bad thing in my book.

We all judge "league" differently. Some on looks, some on social status or education or money or intelligence. Maybe he truly is attracted to you physically AND admires you for qualities other than your weight. Because, my dear, YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR WEIGHT! It does not define you.

Have fun!
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:30 AM   #11
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So, I gained a lot of weight when I got married...my husband is skinny. Whenever I said, "I really need to go on a diet" he said, "No you don't, I love you just the way you are." and so I went from 190 to 260 in about 10 years. When I got to 260, I said, "I'm going on a diet, and I'm going to lose 100 pounds and get really healthy."

My husband got ANGRY. He said, "I like you big."

that shook my world. What I heard was "I would rather you be unhealthy (and sexually satisfy me) than be healthy." I thought of all the times he came home with a pint of my favorite ice cream. I thought of all the times he said, "hey let's get x food. I thought of all the times he discouraged me from dieting, or went out and bought me new fat clothes. My husband WANTED me to be fat. Literally, he was killing me in order to sexually satisfy himself, even though he knew I didn't want to be fat.

I said, "Would you rather have me fat for 20 more years or thin for 40? If you want to have sex with a big woman, you have my permission to go find one...but I'm not going to be her!" and that ended that right there. It was a big slap in the face. He completely turned around, and for almost a year he has been my biggest supporter. But I can't imagine everyone would.

If both of you are just looking for a short-term 'relationship' then it doesn't sound like there is anything to discuss. But if he's looking for a mom for his kids, or if he's looking for a long term relationship, I'd encourage you to say right up front, "I know you like thick women, but I don't plan to be *this thick* forever--my goal is ______ and if you can't support that, I don't think it's a good idea for us to get involved if you are looking for a long-term relationship."
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:42 AM   #12
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I'd give him a shot. If he's just out for a quick booty call, you'll find out soon enough! If that's not something that interests you, then you can give him the boot (not the booty!) at that point but for now, he might just be a really hot guy that is attracted to you. Yay!
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:48 AM   #13
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weebles -

interesting story, and a little bit different twist than I would have expected. I think if someone gains weight during a relationship, the normal thing would be for their partner to be pleased if they got back to what they looked like when they met. And I would also expect - for the most part - that if someone met a partner when they were heavy, then the person was most likely attracted to that body type and might not be thrilled if they lost a signfiicant amount of weight.

Ideally, our partners would love us thick and thin, but realistically, I know that's not always the case.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:35 PM   #14
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Weebles, good for you for sticking to your guns with hubby! I'm glad he turned around and became supportive. I'm not sure many people would have had the guts to do it anyway if they thought they wouldn't be satisfying their DH anymore.
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Old 03-05-2010, 03:41 PM   #15
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well, peanutsmom, I think we all try to make our partner into what we want. I think that my partner didn't really realize what he was doing (intellectually). Historically he had usually been with big women, I had only known the skinny one, so I hadn't realized that she and I were the anomaly.

Randi, the important thing is to love yourself and do what you want to do to make yourself happy...there will be lots of opportunities for "booty calls" down the road if this guy isn't the right guy.

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