I've really been struggling getting under 215. I get so frustrated, and before I know it, I'm creeping right back up to the 230's. For those who don't know me, I'm Angi, a single mom of 2 young children, I go to school full time and work full time. I started on this forum back when I only had a 1 yr old, and now my children are 4 and 6. I've really struggled to lose the initial 80 lb loss I experienced and I think I got into a serious comfort zone. As if I had it all under control and was immune to the temptations. Again. Meh. In the time, this winter, that 15 lbs has crept back on, I've helped my sister in law lose 50 lbs. Why? Because, I know what works and I can help other people so easily, but when it comes to myself, it's like I don't hear the words coming out of my mouth.
I know I've been under additional stress, waiting to hear about the nursing program, if I've been accepted and if so into the accelerated program, or am I going to use my fall back plan and change majors. I graduated with honours and double degrees in December, Liberal Arts and Health Sciences. Which is ironic if you think about it. I know the science behind weight loss and gain and yet, I seem to think I'm immune to it? We moved as well in January, to a bigger home, so the bills have increased, but we needed it. The kids need the space to have their bikes and scooters and roller skates outside. We enjoy the new community, we have space to walk around our neighbourhood. I work so hard to make sure my kids get the exersize they need, I keep fruits, veggies and cheese wedges available to them, I limit their sweet and soda intake, meanwhile, I'm sucking down a Dt Dr Pepper and I -know- the message that sends. Our school system here is actually really good about backing parents up with healthy food choices, making sure kids get at least 60 minutes of physical activity everyday in school. My 4 yr old, pre-k student had a health focused month in January and he's bursting with ideas on how we can all be more healthy. So, I've laid a great foundation with them, that I started at birth and never wavered from, and people hear my kids say things like, "If you eat McDonalds once in a while, it's ok, but if you eat it all the time, its bad for your heart, it makes you fat and it makes you unhealthy", then they look at me, and they HAVE to be wondering, 'how in the world did she instill this in them, when she doesnt follow it?' and my biggest issue as a child was always my parents hypocritical actions. The old, "Do as I say, not what I do", type thinking and I can recall saying, I would never do that to my kids, yet, here I am, still struggling to just get under 200 lbs. I did manage to get down to 207 last summer, for about a week. I know its possible and I know I have some emotional things I need to face that rear themselves as my weight lowers and I have contacted the school counselors for personal counseling with these issues and I'm working through them.
I don't know what the point of this post was, other than I need to be more active over here. I do so much better when I have a network of people who have similiar goals, stories and things they're working through. I can talk to myself all I want in the shower, I can journal it all out, but until you can talk to someone who has been there, who is there, who knows what it's like to get upset and immediately head to the cabinets and finds themselves rummaging before it hits them that they're falling into old patterns, it's sometimes difficult to see the forest for the trees. So, to myself, I promise to begin taking the initial small actions that helped me lose the initial 80 lbs. Cut out the soda, the sweet tea and replace it with water and unsweet tee.
Thanks for reading, I know it was kind of all over the place, but I knew if I edited it, it wouldnt be what I needed to get out, to have it out of me, and out in the world so I can focus more on the choices and less on the stresses.