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Chaos & Getting Back on Track...

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Old 02-23-2010, 12:04 AM   #1
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Default Chaos & Getting Back on Track...

Okay, I dropped off the planet about a month ago because I decided I had had enough of a bad relationship and left my hubby...I took our 2 kids from NC to Ohio literally overnight...and now our life is completely chaotic. We are staying with my sister and her family but we should have our own place within the next month...and I am torn between missing my hubby and loving him lots and knowing that I made the right decision giving the condition of our relationship and the effect it was having on our children with all of the fighting there.

I have been trying to get back on track but it's hard when you live with someone else and my weight is going up and down like a wild roller coaster one day to the next. To top it off I found out tonight that my hubby has already hooked back up with is ex (who we both passionately hated our entire marriage, now he's sleeping with her ) It is really eating at me and I am even more chaotic in my head now, thinking I feel betrayed and cheated on then reminding myself I left him and have no right to feel that way.

So...how do you move on and get back to some normalcy with weight loss when everything else is spinning out of control?

I have considered forgetting about my weight for awhile but I can't do that. I WANT to be healthier, even more than ever now....my kids need me more than ever now! I am an emotional eater and these are worst emotions I have ever felt, so how do I get back on track? SOMEONE HELP, I feel I am going to lose my mind right now. I can't sleep and my eating is all over the place. I feel like I'm getting depressed and then I have 2 kids depending on me to be strong and make all this okay somehow.

I'm just not sure I am strong enough to handle all this, yet I really have no choice but to do it somehow.
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Old 02-23-2010, 01:08 AM   #2
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I am so amazed at your strength! First of all: Give yourself some credit. What you did took so much strength! I certainly don't know the details of your marriage, but I can tell that you gave this a whole lot of time and energy. My gut tells me that your husband got back with his ex just to hurt you. Please, please, please, don't let it mess with your mind. I know it's easier said than done, but please get your head on straight. You can look at this time as a whole new beginning to a new life. You can look at this time to shine and to make good choices for you and your kids. Find that strength that you used to leave and harness it towards getting the life you want; not just in terms of weight loss, but in terms of how you want this next chapter to be. You are now in the driver's seat and it's time for you to drive in the right direction. Sorry for all the crazy talk in this message. I hope you know what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to let you know that you have all the power...power you don't believe you have. Start by making small changes and recommitting yourself to yourself. Once you start treating yourself right, you'll attract that kind of treatment from others as well. I really do believe that.
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Old 02-23-2010, 07:29 AM   #3
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Purple, it's so good to see you again, but I'm so sorry to hear about your recent family changes. I've not been through exactly what you are going through, but I have been through some extremely difficult times over the last 5 years. Sometimes, all you can do is just take it one day at a time. Just putting one in front of the other. Some days, you'll do great. Other days, you'll do fine. But, in the end, you'll come out fine on the other side.

I'll be thinking of you today.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:58 AM   #4
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Thanks to both of you....and nice to "see" you too, Girly

I am feeling stronger today. I think last night it was just the shock of being told he had moved on after just 3 weeks and then it is with this person that we had such a horrible, twisted past with over the years, it feels like a big smack in the face. I only found out because I had to call him for something about the kids yesterday and could hear her in the background...this person he supposedly hated with a vengeance for so many years, and who hates me personally more than anything...it just seemed like a nightmare.

I guess I just feel like I was so easy to replace, ya know? It's not about giving him up or wanting him to be alone forever...it's about the stab of it being with HER and then the quickness of it as if I never mattered. Hard to handle on top of everything else!
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:59 AM   #5
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wow that takes GUTS! good for you!!!! I can't really offer words of wisdom, other than when you take care of yourself,it makes you a better mom and friend and worker, all sorts of stuff you already know -- what I really want to say, and don't want to be thought hateful and shallow, is how AWESOME would it be to be smaller and HOT and see him again lol as in "wow you went back to THAT when I"M SO HOT???" heh i'm mean
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Old 02-23-2010, 09:04 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
what I really want to say, and don't want to be thought hateful and shallow, is how AWESOME would it be to be smaller and HOT and see him again lol as in "wow you went back to THAT when I"M SO HOT???" heh i'm mean
I actually thought about that last night because I am already a 10 compared to this girl...seriously! He was just telling me a couple months ago how he was shocked how she has let herself go, he hates her hair, she's so ugly, what did he see in her, etc. and now he's sleeping with her I totally don't get men.

BUT, I intend to get my butt back in gear and I will be seeing him again as we have 2 kids, so it is a though in my head...but I really don't want him back. I just wasn't prepared for him to hook up with HER and after just a few weeks. it does make me glad I left and came back to Ohio with my family, rather than staying there where I'd have to endure it directly.
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Old 02-23-2010, 08:02 PM   #7
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Hang in there! *hugs*

Try not to let the news bother you too much about all that. That he's making poor choices while you are trying to make a good but difficult choice for you and the kids... well.... to me it sounds like even in adversity you have it more together!

GL!
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Old 02-24-2010, 08:03 AM   #8
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I'm so sorry to hear about everything that's going on. But, girl, I agree with luckymommy, give yourself some credit. You did the right thing for your sanity and for the wellbeing of you & your children. The fact that he went right back to the ex he suppossedly hates is a sure sign that you are moving in the right direction: away from him!
As far as your weight & emotional eating in a time like this, I think it's ok to give yourself a break. You're mourning a huge loss right now, but it's important to understand that overeating & indulging is probably not going to make you feel any better. Sometimes, when everything else is out of control I feel better knowing I can control something like my eating or exercise. I wish you all the best and am sending big big :hugs: your way. You're an amazingly strong woman and you're going to get through this. xoxo
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Old 02-24-2010, 01:42 PM   #9
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Update: We had a very horrible cuss-each-other-out fight last night in which we both said some things th at were quite painful and hurtful, followed by a more civil conversation this morning that calmed things back down and smoothed out a lot of the big problems that were really eating at me.

I still have a lot to deal with, but feel a big sense of relief that we settled a few things about custody and visitations that were bothering me. He doesn't want custody and has backed off wanting the kids for the entire summer (even though they said outright they don't want to go) and we got to talk about howt they are adjusting...he has agreed to call my daughter and tell her that he wants her to be happy here and that he is not upset with her (because she is having a hard time, feeling like she can't say she's happier now because he's not here, etc) and I think we are on the same page with many other things now.

I still have a problem with the girlfriend but get the sense she is just someone to be with..he kept saying "I can't just be by myself all the time and you left, so what do you expect me to do?"

anyway....on with life!
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