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how could this NOT be embarrassing?

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Old 02-15-2010, 10:17 AM   #1
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Unhappy how could this NOT be embarrassing?

So, my very good friend is getting married and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I am honored, and I accepted her invitation. On Saturday, we went dress shopping with her mother and one other bridesmaid.

Fortunately for her, the bride is a size 4 (in wedding gowns), so she had no problem trying on anything in the store. In fact, of the 50 or so gowns she tried on, only a couple were small enough to fit her and the rest had to be held tight with clamps. Every time she came out of the dressing room, we all ooh-ed and aah-ed over how beautiful she is, how gorgeous her body is, and how everything looks amazing on her because she has a perfect shape. It's true. She is adorable. But I kept thinking back to a year ago, when I was dress shopping. It was quite a different experience for me. I basically had to try to find something that would fit, and I only bothered with one little "boutique" store before I figured out that the had NO samples that would be large enough to fit me. One humiliating shopping experience later, and I was back to David's Bridal so that at least I could find something to try on in my own size.

Anyway, the day went on and we had a great time. Then it was time for us to try on bridesmaids' dresses. The other bridesmaid was probably a size 6 or so, so everything either fit or was too big for her. And then there was me. None of the dresses that anyone picked up were even remotely related to my size. But they wanted to see me in them anyway. So, I stood, in my underwear (including a strapless bra that I had to borrow from the store that was at least one cup size too small), in a dressing room with the bride, her mom, and the other bridesmaid and tried to wiggle my way into 5 dresses that were at least 3 sizes too small for me. At one point, one dress was stuck on my head, with my arms over my head, and the other 3 women in the room were all tugging and pulling at the dress to try to get it on me.

How humiliating.

I realize that my friend is trying hard to be accommodating by giving me the chance to try on the dress and give my opinions on it (just like the other 2 bridesmaids have done). And, because she's always been very small and petite, she probably had no idea how mortifying it would be for me to try to squeeze myself into a dress that was obviously not going to fit at all (in front of three skinny women, in my underwear, no less). I really do appreciate that she's trying to make sure I'm comfortable in the bridesmaids' dress.

But I swear, I have never been more humiliated in my entire life.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:25 AM   #2
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So... just curious... if you could tell ahead of time that the dresses were 3 sizes too small, why did you even try to get into them? I would have said, "Sorry, that won't fit me," and not gone through the embarrassment...

Sorry, maybe I'm just wedding challenged...

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Old 02-15-2010, 10:29 AM   #3
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Well, I did try to explain to them "these dresses are not going to fit me at all, in fact I might not be able to get into them period"... But she insisted that "well, we'll just slip them on and not zip, and we can clamp them to your bra just to sort of get an idea..."

So, it seemed important to her that I give it a try at least. So I felt like I should, just to make her happy, I guess.

In retrospect, I should have been more firm about it. I mean, it really wasn't possible to tell what the dresses would look like on me (in the appropriate size) because once I squeezed into them, they were all out of whack (like the boob cup parts were above my boobs, etc).

::sigh::

I wish I'd done things differently. It was one of the worst days of my life, I swear.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:36 AM   #4
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I'm so sorry. Sounds like a really tough day.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:40 AM   #5
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Ouch. And I thought it was mean of my petite sister to make me go sleeveless at her wedding.

Sure, you could have been more firm with them, but it's hard when you're outnumbered and there's lots of peer pressure coming at you from people who aren't family (i.e. you can't necessarily tell the bride's mother to go to h***!)

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope the rest of the bridesmaid experience is fun and soothes some of the sting of a terrible memory.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:47 AM   #6
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Oh, that is rough. I was maid of honor in my friend's wedding a year ago and I remember how hard it was to do the dress fitting with the other teeny tiny bridesmaids... Sorry, I feel for you!

I tried to just focus on why I was there and make light of the situation. 'Haha, give me the biggest size you carry to try on...' I felt bad but I tried not to show it.

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Old 02-15-2010, 10:47 AM   #7
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sorry that happened - many of us have had similar experiences, I think, but usually with people who could buy a clue after the first dress didn't go on and didn't insist on repeating the process over and over. Did they think you'd miraculously dropped multiple dress sizes inbetween trying on each one?
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:47 AM   #8
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I've been in a lot of weddings, but none since I lost weight. Most at my highest posted weight, or higher. I do remember trying on dresses that were too small for all of them with the 'we'll just see how it looks and then order it in your size' message. Why does that even make sense? Like you say OP, you can't really tell how it is going to look when it is too small to begin with.

Sorry you had to deal with all of that.

How is the style of the dresses they've picked? Something workable if the sizes were right?
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:54 AM   #9
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Duyummm girl! I could have used a drink after that ordeal myself. I am so very sorry. If you didn't want to sport your skivvies with all the eyes I would have spoken up. I don't like to be in my skivvies in front of anyone really so I get it.

On another note, the way you describe that dress being stuck on your head and the other women tugging and pulling at it--well, you made my day with that one. You have quite the knack for detail.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:55 AM   #10
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Thanks. At this point, all the dress trying on nonsense is behind me. I won't have to try on any more dresses until my dress (in my size) comes in. I'm sure I'll still have anxiety over standing at the front of the wedding wearing the same dress as the size 6 bridesmaid, but that'll be work-able.
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Old 02-15-2010, 10:56 AM   #11
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That DOES sound awful, and I've had similar experiences too. It's hard not to feel terrible! But just remember that your friend loves you the way you are, and probably just had no clue that you might feel embarrassed.

People act weird around weddings and as a bridesmaid, a lot of times you just have to let stuff go.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:04 AM   #12
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Oh, Lord. Trying on dresses is already fraught for us when we're overweight. I'm sorry you had to go through this publicly, with hands pulling at you, and people looking on, particularly after watching a slender girl be endlessly lauded for her appearance as she tried on dress after dress.

The things we do for friends, particularly friends who are getting married.

I've had these moments, too, in what I want to call "inter-weight" friendships. (To sound like "interracial.") I love them to death, but those petite or slender friends just don't "get it," the way a fellow fat girl or formerly fat girl would.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:08 AM   #13
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My sister did the same thing to me. I was the only fat bridesmaid among a throng of supermodels.

Like saef said they just don't get it. I'm sorry you had such a bad day.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:09 AM   #14
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I could have definitely used a drink, too. I totally sucked it up during the day, I didn't want to let it show that I was upset and ruin the shopping experience or anything. So no one on the shopping trip knew that anything was wrong whatsoever. But I cried all the way home. I called my best friend, who also struggles with her weight and told her about it and I just bawled on the phone. Then I got home and bawled to my husband about it.

Like I said, I know she was just trying to be nice. But you're right... after the first dress turned out so disastrously, why (WHY???) did I have to keep going and eventually try on 5 of them? Jeesh.

It's like that dream, where you show up at work and you have no pants? Except that it happened FIVE TIMES. ::sigh::

Thanks to everyone for your support. I know I'm not the only one to go through humiliating things like this. And I'm trying hard to just take it in stride and put it behind me... I'm even trying to laugh about it... I knew coming here and talking about it would help with that. Thanks.
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Old 02-15-2010, 11:13 AM   #15
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You'd think they'd stock at least one dress in a larger size since this seems to be a common problem. When I was in a wedding I purposely had an appointment icouldnt cancel during the group fitting and went in on my own time to get fitted seperately. That was all fine and dandy until the rehearsal when her cousin who had picked up all the bridesmaid dresses from the store and brought them started under her breath talking to another cousin about "imagine needing a size 16!". Guess whose dress they were talking about? This experience made me vow that I would simply pick a color for any bridesmaids and they could pick whatever style of dress they wanted. Sounds like you had a female bonding ritual gone wrong.
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