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Dealing with an Unforseen Divorce

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Old 01-30-2010, 01:15 PM   #1
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Default Dealing with an Unforseen Divorce

So...I've been married 9 months, and have a 1 year old son with my husband. just to twart any issues, my husband and I tried for the baby after we were engaged a while bc we had the baby fever. my husband divulged the fact that he is so unhappy in the relationship (first I'm hearing this) that he wants a divorce. And then he went and had drunk sex w/someone else after I left his crazy birthday party at his friend's house. After hearing that bit i was like fine, have your divorce.

So needless to say my life is crazy waiting to speak w/my lawyer and trying to pick up the peices of my marriage that i was happy with. I'm starting a FT internship this week, this is my last semester of school, my takes up tons of time, I don't work or have savings.

Given all the stress I've become lax in my diet, bc honestly when I feel like throwing up all day from the emotional onslaught I tend to eat w/e I want when I am finally hungry.

the good news is that I havent had a measurable gain through this so far. the frustrating weight-wise news is that when I didnt wear my shapewear cami under a long sleeve t-shirt yesterday my dad mentioned that I shouldnt let his situation effect my weight. Given the situation I wanted to tell him to f**k himself. Alas, I did not.

I wanted to get that out there a bit, maybe you cyber space 3fc-ers can be of support due to the fact that my support system is comprised largely of unmarried 20 somethings and moms who've been single all along.
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Old 01-30-2010, 01:39 PM   #2
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I know at least ten couples under 30 and eight of those were all under age 25 who are divorced. I don't think people take time to get to know themselves before they commit to someone else 'forever'. The guys I have known from those couples were all just too immature for family life, or rather they really weren't ready to commit to it and be adults. They get scared and try to find ways to get out. You're still really young and the best thing for you to do is take care of yourself and your son.
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Old 01-30-2010, 01:53 PM   #3
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If you have a child, you still have him on the hook for at least 18 years of child support. You need to make sure you keep your child and that you are well and taken care of-- that is the most important issue.

If he is desperately unhappy, then there is not much you can do but go on with your life. If he's having drunk sex with people he finds on the street then you are at risk of disease, and that is not a safe way to go either. There is absolutely nothing you can do about someone who thinks only about themselves. He seems like a bratty child, and you don't need another child in the house. Find yourself a man-- an adult-- who understands loyalty, and what it means to raise a family--not just a narssicist who looks like a man.

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Old 01-30-2010, 01:58 PM   #4
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Oh my...I am so sorry! Take good care of yourself.
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Old 01-30-2010, 02:15 PM   #5
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Wow...you have your hands full young lady. I am sorry you are going through this and the pain of it sucks as I know full well. But know that you will be ok on the other side of this as deeply as it hurts now.

I was married at 23 and divorced at 29...I had the fairy tale marriage that ended very abruptly when he had an affair with a coworker. I was devestated beyond words and I didnt think I would survive.

But here I am 13 years later and loving life and doing fine without him...the him I swore I couldnt live without turned out to be not so much the guy I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Dodged that bullet!

So, your son and your health and well being are your focus now. Let this unhappy man go get his poop in a group without dragging you along with him. You have plenty to handle without trying to figure out what his deal is.

Your dad could have been kinder in his words but I think he had the right intention. This change in your life can derail you or motivate you...its your choice. I hope you choose the latter and use this adversity to prove to yourself that you are strong and accomplished and can get it done no matter what!
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Old 01-30-2010, 02:41 PM   #6
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I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Old 01-30-2010, 02:46 PM   #7
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I am sorry you are dealing with this. Stay strong and committed to yourself and your son. GL
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Old 01-30-2010, 03:09 PM   #8
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I know from personal experience how painful this is. Take one day at a time. Make sure that you and your child are taken care of financially.
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Old 01-30-2010, 03:39 PM   #9
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Wishing you all the best as you go through this extremely difficult period.
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Old 01-30-2010, 08:23 PM   #10
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Thanks ladies. i really appreciate it. I'm starting to cope with this issue by being very pramatic, allowing myself to become more obssessed with details of life, than of life itself. Everything feels overwhelmings and foggy, so i focus in on the one thing I can control that moment. for example, i spent an hour straightening and vacuuming, bc I knew I could get it done. Just pushing through, one minute at a time.
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Old 01-30-2010, 10:16 PM   #11
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What I will say is just keep inhaling and exhaling. Sometimes it's all you can do. Stay focused and take care of yourself. It's important for your son that you do because you have to be at your best so he can have some sort of security. I can't imagine the pain you are experiencing but I wish you the best.
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Old 01-31-2010, 06:39 AM   #12
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I haven't been through anything similar so I don't have any advice but my heart goes out to you. Stay strong for your special little darling son.
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Old 01-31-2010, 08:14 AM   #13
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Really sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine how I would handle a similar situation.
Stay strong for you and your son. Like you said about the cleaning up- same thing with your weight loss. With everything else spinning out of control around you, you CAN control what you eat and how active you are. Take out some of those bad feelings at the gym or whatever form of exercise you use.

Be good to yourself. And I would say be sure you don't bottle up your feelings. I hope you have at least one good friend or family member you can really vent to.
I know keeping my feelings under is never good for me.

Good luck!
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Old 02-02-2010, 08:01 PM   #14
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si i'v e decided to file a separation & support agreement, so I can hopefully have enough time to try and fix this before a divorce would be finalized. My fingers are crossed, but at the same time I am trying to focus moreso on my happiness and personal/professional goals. I've decided to be my best and fufill myself and hope he comes around to remembering the good stuff & the importance of working out our differences.
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Old 02-02-2010, 10:53 PM   #15
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Poor sweetie. I am so sorry for you!
My advice would be to try to maintain at the weight you are now without trying to lose while you navigate through this new territory. Life is hard enough when you are dealing with divorce/custody issues. I have been there myself the last 3 years and am now again trying to lose the weight after finally getting custody settled. Best of luck to you.
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