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Raging battle in my head

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Old 01-18-2010, 10:55 AM   #1
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Default Raging battle in my head

I just cannot seem to make progress, mostly with my attitude, which obviously shows up on the scale. The 10 lbs I lost in the summer are back and I'm as disgusted with myself as ever.

I really, really want to lose the weight, & I really hate having all these feelings, but for some reason I just haven't been able to change myself. Am I just lazy? I know I have an "instant gratification" mindset - I eat those sweets, even though I know I shouldn't, & they may not even taste that good. I make every excuse not to exercise. And yet, multiple times daily, I focus on my weight & my dissatisfaction.

Sorry, this is turning into a long vent, but I'm hoping some of you have some advice or strategies to help. I have never had any kind of abuse, my husband loves me & thinks I'm beautiful & sexy (I think he's crazy), I was never overweight, but always thought of myself as huge. The only time I remember being comfortable with my body was in college. No matter what size before or after that, I always thought I was too fat (it's only been in the past few years that I actually am!)

I even remember keeping a diary, probably in middle school & around 5'7", where I had (for some reason) noticed that a Barbie scale said 128. In my diary, I said that I wanted to weigh 128, but I really weighed 132. When actually, I weighed 138! I lied in my diary & I STILL remember it 25 years later!! How nutty is that?!

I obviously have a distorted body perception/weight hang ups, & I really, really need to get over it!!

Another thing, as badly as I hate my body, I have never dieted or really made an attempt to lose any weight!?! I used to be very athletic, & was very active in sports, so when I lost weight, it was from exercise (But because I liked sports, not because I was exercising to lose weight)

Help please!
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:03 AM   #2
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(((HUGS))) You poor thing! You are beating yourself up so badly and treating yourself so badly, no wonder you aren't feeling well and strong!

I want you to try something crazy and weird today - I want you to try sending gentle, positive thoughts to yourself today. Treat yourself in your mind the way you would treat a beloved friend who is having a hard time and feeling sad.

First goal is to try to change the self-talk.

Next goal is to go for a walk, maybe, or jump on a trampoline, or whatever it is that says "fun" to you rather than "work."

Next goal after that is to fix meals that will give your body fiber, vitamins and will help you feel better.

Sweets are fun, I know, but feeling rotten and having sore feet isn't so much fun.

Best of luck on your journey to a happier, healthier you - I believe in you, I know you will make it!
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:20 AM   #3
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Hi, Bcort. Sorry you are feeling so down today. We all have been there at one time or another. This works :

1) get rid of all the foods that are causing problems.
2) figure out how many calories you can have.
3) Go food shopping with a list of low calorie, healthy, and low glycemic foods
4) Focus .... Plan and keep track of the eating.
5) Add exercise.
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:21 AM   #4
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You would never treat anyone else the way you are treating yourself, so why is it ok to berate yourself that way? Stop focusing on what you are, and focus on what you can DO. Eventually what you are and what you do will be the same. Get rid of anything unhealthy in the house so when you want to put it in your mouth it's not there.

It's ok to love yourself. Sometimes no matter how much we want something we will sabatoge our efforts because we don't feel like we deserve it. Try starting a diary again. Get out all those negative thoughts! For every negative thought you write down, replace it with a positive one underneath. Even if it's just something small. It might feel silly at first and you might have to struggle to find positive stuff, but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

Hang in there, you CAN do this!
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:24 AM   #5
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I like Lori's advice. I don't know what you've been doing, your plan, but maybe what might help you is setting yourself up for success, as people here say. adapt what seems good for you, forgive me if I'm saying stuff you already know, and toss out what doesn't work

1. have a real eating plan set up for at least a week. that means breakfast, snacks, lunch, dinner. (and be ready to to this again the beginning of the next week) check out fitday.com

2. don't have stuff around that will tempt you to fall off the plan.

3. make sure you have a plan you feel comfortable sticking to: the calorie level and the things you'll be eating.

4. put off situations where you'll be tempted to eat off plan (eating out).

5. get those blinders on. take it day by day, hour by hour if you have to. post here when you feel weak.

6. tell people around you want to accomplish this, that you need their support

7. don't be freaked out if you fall off your plan, immediately (not the next day) get back on it

8. be patient and kind to yourself, it takes time and effort to lose weight, it's a change in thinking, lifestyle, habits

9. don't be afraid to tweak your plan if you really are struggling too much with it

you're ahead of the game having been very athletic, I think that will help your body respond faster (not to mention the mental aspects)

hope that helps! good luck and hang in there!
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:25 AM   #6
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I agree about changing that negative self-talk.

Secondly, I would say to not wait on the motivation to come to you to get healthier. It isn't coming! What can come is your decision to health. That is good news. One decision at a time. One hour at a time.

I also found it helpful to pinpoint my most troubled times. I had an issue with latenight eating. I would wait for the house to go to sleep and then make my plate and pile it high. Now, I go to sleep when everyone else does--well, most of the time anyway. Also, I had a problem with fast food. It seemed like 1/2 the time or more I would swing through a drive-thru while I was out. So, I nixed it all together. Yes, all together. I don't eat it anymore and oddly enough I don't miss it. Also the same goes for sweets. I couldn't eat 4 oreos--I ate most of the package so I quit--absolutely QUIT--bringing them into the house.


There were many foods I learned I didn't care for much anyway so I nixed them--cheese most of the time I can do without, red meat, full-fat butter, full-fat sour cream, full-fat mayo and dressings. I found subs for all of them that I like every bit as much. I also found that I actually preferred complex carbs rather than the junky white stuff. So, those went out the window.

I love eating large volumes of food so I try to focus on whole foods that are low in calories.

You can so do this.
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:27 AM   #7
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Oh babe I'm short on time right now but NOT short on empathy. I think that life is a series of choices that we make. You need to one and for all make that choice that says YOU ARE WORTH losing the weight. That you are a WONDERFUL beautiful person that DESERVES the very best that life has to offer. I know you CAN do this. You just need to know that ...

*big huge hugs*
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:32 AM   #8
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Great advice so far. I especially love the thoughts about the self-talk. It's so important to treat ourselves well, but can be so hard to do.

My little thought to add is that I, too, am into immediate gratification. It drives me crazy sometimes that this journey is long and hard. So, I try to really enjoy all the great things that are happening to me. I am choosing food that I really love. I honestly enjoy raspberries more than chocolate, for example. I am appreciating the soreness my muscles feel after a good work-out. (Soreness is optional, BTW. I just really like it.) I appreciate how much better my digestive system operates when I am eating lots of fiber. Etc., etc., etc.

So many great things about the journey, and I am at the beginning, so I need to embrace them to convince myself to keep going, especially when the scale is not as cooperative as I think it should be.

Good luck, and listen to your husband. He sounds like a smart man.
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:38 AM   #9
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I agree so much with everyone who said to treat yourself more kindly. Make a list of the negative thoughts you have and the replacement positive thoughts. Laminate that list and carry it with you. Every single time you think a negative thought about yourself and your weight replace it with a positive thought. You can change how you feel this way. It just takes some work and time.

Once you change how you feel it will be easier to take on dieting and exercising. There are a lot of great eating plans out there like Weight Watchers, South Beach, etc. Pick what appeals to you personally.

Also consider going to a TOPS (taking of the pound sensibly) meeting. You can get face to face support and feel less alone in this struggle. We are always here support.

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Old 01-18-2010, 02:14 PM   #10
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Everyone has great advice for you... I can relate to what you were saying.

For me, if I waited to get super motivated for something then it would never happen. I just had to make myself dive right in and do it... not let myself make excuses anymore. I realized that the only person I was hurting was myself... and the only person that is going to be affected if I eat junk food is me... and the only person who can do this for me is ME.

As far as strategy... I tried to get rid of as much junk food in the house as I could. My family was pretty supportive about this in the beginning but now that I have been at this for a while and they know I have better self control they have gone back to bringing the candy and chips and such home.

I count calories... and because I am lazy and don't like it to take forever to track all kinds of ingredients in a meal I tend to eat a lot of whole foods. (Which I guess if healthier anyway.)

I have also started a couple health journals. One is a daily journal to track my weight, calories, water consumption, and sleep patterns. The other I have as an overall life goal journal... just to track my health goals and progress on other personal goals I have.

Last edited by Kae : 01-18-2010 at 02:16 PM.
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Old 01-18-2010, 03:32 PM   #11
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You chicks have rocked this thread - I am not sure I have a whole lot to add.

I think it comes down to two things:

1 - Believe that healthy, permanent weight loss is possible and that you deserve it. Truly give your focus to that statement.

2 - Set yourself up for success / Being healthy is fun!
Plan meals that are full of whole foods - actual lean mean, veggies, fruit and legumes. Get rid of the processed food. You will find sticking to a calorie limit 1,000 X easier if you are putting whole foods in your body. Processed foods take up so many calories and don't offer satiety. Whole foods are cheaper, too! Find foods you like. Explore new foods you haven't tried. There is no reason to eat foods that you don't like because you have chosen to be healthy. This lifestyle is so much better than the other one! It's full of NSV's and tears of joy. Come, join us and make this happen for you too!
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There's no ticker here because I have no idea what I weigh, nor do I have plans to get on the scale anytime soon. My goals are to take care of myself in healthy ways and let the scale fall wherever it will. "It's not about skinny anymore - it's about healthy."
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Old 01-18-2010, 06:37 PM   #12
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Yep, there is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but I want to offer my support. You are so worth treating yourself right! You are worth taking that first step.

One thing that really motivates me is reading threads about what we can do now that we couldn't before. Every ten pounds seems to bring me something new that I couldn't do before.
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Old 01-19-2010, 03:56 AM   #13
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I feel that I am a bit like you. I was devastated recently because I thought I didn't lose weight in my first week. I wanted to kick and scream and possibly throw my scale out the window. I started to think my efforts were useless, that my body wanted me to be fat forever.....but then I came to my senses, went on this board and posted. After posting the support I got made me realize that I was being dumb, that my body would much rather me be thin, that while the scale may not have moved I made changes that would better myself. When you need support everyone at 3FC is going to give it to you. You are not in this alone!!!!!
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:11 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bcort View Post
I was never overweight, but always thought of myself as huge. The only time I remember being comfortable with my body was in college. No matter what size before or after that, I always thought I was too fat (it's only been in the past few years that I actually am!)

I even remember keeping a diary, probably in middle school & around 5'7", where I had (for some reason) noticed that a Barbie scale said 128. In my diary, I said that I wanted to weigh 128, but I really weighed 132. When actually, I weighed 138! I lied in my diary & I STILL remember it 25 years later!! How nutty is that?!

I obviously have a distorted body perception/weight hang ups, & I really, really need to get over it!!
bcort....

I identify with everything you say here-- I was just like that, as a young woman I THOUGHT I was huge even though I wasn't, I was athletic, and I kept a diary full of comments about my weight and grand plans to change it....

I spent a LONG TIME mulling over why I was the way I was, without ever trying to do anything about it.... way too long, looking back. I felt powerless to change my behavior. I thought I was a victim of some weird psychological quirk. But it turns out, it wasn't true. It made no difference how I felt about myself at age 13... it only matters what I do TODAY.

It IS POSSIBLE to change if you really want to. YOU ARE NOT a prisoner of the past.

The fact that you had/have a messed up body image and a history of feeling bad about your body does NOT have to dictate the future.

The condition of your body is a result of what you do every day, and you absolutely, one hundred per cent, have a choice about that.

I wish that it had not taken me thirty years to figure that out.

My advice-- stop thinking about why and just focus on what....

The solution to this problem is inside of you and YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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