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Old 12-29-2009, 10:31 AM   #1
Finding Myself
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Default Could you send some positive thoughts my way?

I am reading all the posts here and tears are pouring down my face. It all sounds so familiar. I have been struggling with my weight since my teens. About three years ago I lost 60lbs and was really starting to feel good. Then I had a run in with my father. He said some awful things about why he had abused me as a child. (I really don't mean to get all depressing, I just want one place where I can say the whole damn truth. If it is inappropriate please let me know).

Anyway what he said did two things; it made me finally kick him out of my life and it threw me right off the healthy eating bandwagon. (My fault I know). In the last three years I have managed to gain the whole sixty pounds back plus another few extra.

In the past few months I have really felt the effects of my binge eating. I joined here yesterday but in my mind I was only going to "officially" start my new lifestyle on the first of January. This in effect gave me permission to eat whatever I wanted. So yesterday god did I eat. I have a food hangover this morning. I hate my body and I hate feeling so out of control. And I am terrified that I cannot change permanently.

My goal for today is simply not to binge for one whole day. I could use your good wishes and in return I send them out to all of you as well.
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:44 AM   #2
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Isn't it amazing the power we give other people over ourselves as adults? I'm glad to hear you've removed the negative influence of your father from your life, though I can only imagine how difficult it is to cut off a parent completely. They're supposed to be there to support us, and it's hard not to keep trying and hope that somehow, they'll start doing what they should as parents.

You've come to the right place for the support you're not getting from family. This is a great place to talk about the whole, unvarnished (often ugly) truth, and know that other people will relate and sympathize. You'll find lots of awesome advice here to get back on track. And the best part is that you've lost 60 pounds before, so you know you can do it again!

Welcome. No reason to wait until the new year to get started. Make a good decision for yourself today, then make another one tomorrow. That's all there is to it.
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:45 AM   #3
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Wow lilith you sound just like me! I also lost a 65 lbs. a few years ago but lately I've been putting it back on (I'm up 23 lbs.) and it's SO HARD! When I lost that weight before I swore to myself I'd never get back up over 200 lbs. but SURPRISE here I am! It's so frustrating and I cry sometimes too

I'm back on the bandwagon after about 4 months of gorging myself on anything and everything (I've gained 15 pounds in that span of time) and it's hard but I'm ready to buckle down and do it. I specifically started yesterday because I didn't want the ever-popular New Years to be my big start, I didn't want to wait.

I feel your pain and I know that it's hard but I also know that you and I can do this. We did it the first time around right? So it's a fact that we're capable of it! Let the members here motivate you, let them inspire you, let them make you laugh and cheer and feel proud right along with them. This is a group that is entirely here for you and all they ask in return is that you be here for them as well. It's a great community and I'm glad to see that you've joined.

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Old 12-29-2009, 10:58 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by lilith38 View Post
. Then I had a run in with my father. He said some awful things about why he had abused me as a child.
There are NO REASONS for a father to abuse a child.

I hear your frustration and am sorry that you have to deal with this.

There's no magic (boy I wish there was). Try to plan and live a healthy day. Folks here are very supportive and helpful. I am glad you posted.

Move ticker, move!
Next Mini Goal - 214

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher

I can't lose 100 pounds....but, just maybe I can lose five pounds twenty times.
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Old 12-29-2009, 11:00 AM   #5
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I'm glad you found this site, it can be very uplifting and encouraging, seeing that others struggle with the same things you do, when in the past you thought you were alone. I'm sorry about your father, that's really awful. You can take control though, I know it. You're here, which is a great first step.

Don't wait until January 1st--start now! There's no time like the present. You'll have a few extra days to get used to it before the new year. Also, it puts less pressure on you--if you start Jan 1st, then it's this big looming resolution.

Come on over to the chicks in control part of the forum--there's a binge-free challenge every week that focuses on being binge-free one day at a time. It's suprisingly helpful, just to write down how you're doing, what you're feeling, and get encouragement from others struggling from the same problem.

Good luck!
No binge since 5/10/10
Mini-goal #1: 1st 10 lbs: 10/07/09
Mini-goal #2: 10% of body weight: 4/28/10 (Finally!)
Mini-goal #3: 211 lbs (my all-time adult low): 1/26/11
Mini-goal #4: 20% of SW (202lbs):
Mini-goal #5: Onederland!:

Overall goal
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Old 12-29-2009, 11:00 AM   #6
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You got it
Take it one day at a time

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Old 12-29-2009, 11:02 AM   #7
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Thumbs up I believe in you!!

Hi Lilith, I know exactly how you feel about losing control. About 8 years ago, I lost a lot of weight (too much weight, I was really skinny) and thought that I'd always have control over my body. Then I started to binge and I tried different ways of purging, but of course nothing worked. My weight doubled. I missed out on so many fun things that girls in high school do, like go to the beach, wear bikinis, go to fun parties, etc. because I let myself believe that I wasn't worth it because I was fat. Now I'm graduating college and while I have gained a lot of control back and lost about 30lbs, there are still some times when I just let myself go. Christmas was a disaster. The day after Christmas was 2x the disaster. I was constantly, constantly eating because I kept telling myself that the next day, I won't do it again. Every single time I binge I tell myself this, and every "next morning" I kick myself! It's so discouraging because I remember how great it feels to lose just one pound or to fit into one lower pants size, then I've let myself go and gained 5lbs (or more!).

Keep your chin up. We've all got things that tear us down, like abusive fathers or bad job situations etc, but look at it as your time to shine because you can! It's hard - nobody said it would be easy, but it's worth it. I don't even know you, but I believe in you. First, get a handle on your feelings and self-worth, and the weight will fall under your control too.

And of course, you have all my positive thoughts your way!
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Old 12-29-2009, 11:16 AM   #8
Back on Track 2 Healthy
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Wow what a welcome! This place is awesome! Keep coming back.
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:33 PM   #9
Calorie counter
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Welcome! I love it here and have found it to be a very supportive place with an unbelievable amount of wisdom. You've done it before and you can and will do it again.
Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)

My "goal" story: http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/goal...goal-post.html
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:47 PM   #10
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I'm really, really glad you're here. Lots of people here, including me, have struggled with issues from our past (probably the reason we self-medicate with food?), overeating, losing and regaining, feeling hopeless, and succeeding. STAY STRONG! We are all here for you and rooting for you. Remember, this is YOUR life. Don't let anyone else decide how you are going to feel.. it's something I still struggle with, but it's something that can be overcome.

I'm so sorry about what your father did and said to you... but I'm happy he's out of your life. Now it's time to focus on getting you better & happy . Hope to see you around!!

Mini goal -

Ultimate goal -

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Old 12-29-2009, 03:11 PM   #11
hot. like a curry.
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Welcome lilith! You came to the right place for support and encouragement and, as I've found, it doesn't matter what your situation might be...there's always going to be someone here who understands and is happy and willing to reach out a hand to you.

It all starts with the first day, the first hour, the first decision. The fact that you set your first goal -- a bing-free day -- is awesome. While it may sound or feel small to you, it's a huge step. Go you

Keep coming back here. It's good for the soul.
blogness: little blue ticket (like a golden ticket. only little. and blue.)

the long and winding road:
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Old 12-29-2009, 03:14 PM   #12
Finding Myself
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Thank you so much everyone. I can't tell you how much all this encouragement means to me!
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Old 12-29-2009, 03:22 PM   #13
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Welcome Lilith. I have found this place to be my inspiration. I have lost weight in the past but never have kept it off. Lean on us if you need to. We are here for you.
Goal- Getting to 199!!

Mini Goals - Getting down to GOAL!!!
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Old 12-29-2009, 03:49 PM   #14
NEVER EVER going back
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Well I am sending all of the most positive vibes that I can find. You CAN do this. You will. Despite the obstacles. Because you were MEANT to find your inner self and inner peace. I just know it.
On my own personal journey I started on September 27, 2008
Starting weight 377, Weight in spring of 2010 198, Weight in August 2011? In the 240's.
Still plugging along on this weight loss highway!
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Old 12-29-2009, 03:54 PM   #15
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You can do it! Just keep getting up, and getting up, and getting up from life's stumbles.

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