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How do you respond to your friend's plea?

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Old 12-28-2009, 04:25 PM   #1
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Default How do you respond to your friend's plea?

As we all lose weight, I'm sure we've all been asked how we do it? When asked, I say I'm counting calories. I have two girlfriends who could each lose about 150 lbs, and I love them just the way they are!! They both want to lose weight. But one of them has weird food allergies that limits what she can eat. (No raw veggies, fruit, garlic or soy product of any kind) The other is a meat and potatoes kind of girl who will not eat any veggies but salad and broccoli and will not eat any fruit. So they both say they can't calorie count.

Part of me, a big part of me really, just wants to say that gosh, that's really too bad. And another part of me wants to tell them to stop making excuses!

I don't push them or even bring it up, but when they ask, I like to say the right thing. They have to want it bad enough to overcome these excuses, right? It seems like they do. They both have health problems all related to the weight and they're both miserable. One of them joined a gym, taking the exercise route, and then her trainer quit on her!! I was so peeved at the trainer! Now she hasn't been back. The other can't afford a gym, but works out at her home to no avail.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:32 PM   #2
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Can u ask them if they really want you to be honest?

And then something along the lines of what you said...they have to want it bad enough to overcome these excuses, right?

This is a hard one. I hope what I said helps. Good Luck!
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:32 PM   #3
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Other than being there to be a support and lead by example there really isn't anything else you can do.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them though....I'm really blunt and realistic with my best friend. She knows I'm there for her when she finally wants to lose the weight but I will not coddle her when she starts the "I really want to lost weight but...blah, blah, blah" whine. In fact I think I told her that first quote in my signature
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:38 PM   #4
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Hmm. That's tough. Sometimes I think when people ask us things like that, they don't really want to know the answer, hence the excuses for why whatever works for us won't work for them. The great thing about calorie counting is that you can can count whatever you eat, whether or not it includes a lot of veggies or fruit. So their response doesn't make much sense. If they're eating, they can count it and eat within a specific range. That said, there is no one right way to do this. We're all different and what works for each of us can be just as unique. It brings to mind the old saying, "where there's a will, there's a way." If they want to lose weight badly enough, they'll find a path that works for them.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:39 PM   #5
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All you have to say, with a smile and a hug, is "Where there's a will, there's a way!" And let them know you care for them. Don't buy into the excuses, because no matter how challenged someone is, they can do something to improve what they are doing. Plenty of folks on 3FC have food allergies, but manage to work it out. Plenty of folks started out hating vegetables, but learned how to work with that. Plenty of folks had their trainers quit, or got a bad trainer, but kept on exercising. So... There you have it!

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Old 12-28-2009, 04:39 PM   #6
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All you can do is tell them your experience and give them encouragement when they ask advice. You already know if you preach it at them, nothing will happen. It'll kick in one day that it is possible to lose weight, even with a limited range of food, and it'll work for them.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:40 PM   #7
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Other than being there to be a support and lead by example there really isn't anything else you can do.

I like this and agree completely.

We all have to find what works for us. Its great that you can be there to offer encouragement and be an example, but there is no real magic bullet that works for everyone.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:43 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CLCSC145 View Post
Hmm. That's tough. Sometimes I think when people ask us things like that, they don't really want to know the answer, hence the excuses for why whatever works for us won't work for them. The great thing about calorie counting is that you can can count whatever you eat, whether or not it includes a lot of veggies or fruit. So their response doesn't make much sense. If they're eating, they can count it and eat within a specific range. That said, there is no one right way to do this. We're all different and what works for each of us can be just as unique. It brings to mind the old saying, "where there's a will, there's a way." If they want to lose weight badly enough, they'll find a path that works for them.
I agree with this.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:44 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanceDiva View Post
Other than being there to be a support and lead by example there really isn't anything else you can do.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them though....I'm really blunt and realistic with my best friend. She knows I'm there for her when she finally wants to lose the weight but I will not coddle her when she starts the "I really want to lost weight but...blah, blah, blah" whine. In fact I think I told her that first quote in my signature
Oh, I like that quote! LOL! My friends are very blunt with me...but it's not in my personality to dish it back. So yes, we're that close...but...
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mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






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Old 12-28-2009, 04:46 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CLCSC145 View Post
. The great thing about calorie counting is that you can can count whatever you eat, whether or not it includes a lot of veggies or fruit. So their response doesn't make much sense. If they're eating, they can count it and eat within a specific range.
That's what I thought too, and it seems like I said something along those lines, but the one friend had an excuse for that too. In which case, yep, there's not much I can do.
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Long term goal: To still be calorie counting 11/9/2010
mini goals: ~211-10% lost;12/24/09 ~203 class I obesity 1/28/10; ~199 Onederland/15% 2/19/10; ~188-20%; ~185 half way 5/14/10; 179-bye 180's 6/12/10; ~174 overweight 7/3/2010;169-bye 170's 8/13/10;~164-30% 10/23/2010159-bye 160's~11/1/10; 153-35%~12/23/10; 149-bye 150's~2/11/11; 145 normal~2/14/2011; ~141-40%; 139-bye 140's ~135 GOAL! (129-45%; 117.5-50%)






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Old 12-28-2009, 05:11 PM   #11
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Weird food allergies... May be something which may improve /go away with better general health? This can happen...

If she`s allergic and wants it that badly, would she try a formula program?
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Old 12-28-2009, 05:21 PM   #12
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Of course they can count calories. You can count calories for anything you eat. The meat and potatoes girl might do well on Atkins since she doesn't like carbs anyway.
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Old 12-28-2009, 05:57 PM   #13
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I made the same dang excuses. "I can eat what I want... I just need to go to the gym more."

Yeah. Didn't work.

Went to the gym for like 3 months at least 4 to 5 times a week and all I lost was about 5lbs and gained a bit of flexibility. Until I started counting calories and watching what I ate... and cut out the bad stuff and added the good stuff... until THEN I started seeing real improvement. And fast.
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Old 12-28-2009, 06:03 PM   #14
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I know whenever I have asked people how they lost weight, I think I'm secretly trying to find some easy way to lose all the weight. When in reality, it's all will power.
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Old 12-28-2009, 06:08 PM   #15
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I tell my friends the truth when they ask, whether they want to hear it or not (they know better than to ask if they don't want to hear it at this point!) I mean, come on, there are still calories in the foods your friends *are* eating, so they can calorie count. That's what I'd say if a friend used that excuse with me. But I've heard I am sometimes hard to be friends with.
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