a small thanksgiving gain and a diet buddy issue...
 

in nov/early dec (thanksgiving/birthday) I managed to only gain 3 lbs. I'm shocked by this.

it could be 6, my one scale is wonky.

but still, t hat's NOTHING in the grand scheme of things, I'll have it off in two weeks!

yay!

maybe you ladies can give me some advice to pass on to a friend.

she said "tracking calories doesnt work" yet when she WAS tracking she los 40 lbs and when sh e stopped, in about 5 months she gained 50 lbs!!!! she wants to figure somethign else out, but tracking has worked so good for her I want her to keep at it, she says she's gonna try "eyeballing" but I know how well that works from experience. ha. she didn't gain till she stopped tracking I really don't know how she can figure that tracking "Doesn't work" NO 'diet' or "lifestyle change" works if you don't work IT. augh. *Frustration*

anyhow, she DID get an iphone, and sparkpeople has an app so she is using that. but she waffles back and forth, and I just don't know what to say to motivate her anymore. I know it's up to her, I KNOW THAT, but she is my diet buddy, and I feel like I need to be there for her.

It sounds like classic denial to me. As hard as it is for us, you can't shake someone out of denial or make them want it for themselves. It sounds like she lacks the motivation right now.

I've been there! I have to be motivated to shake myself up. She may see you doing so well and eventually get jealous enough to ask questions or buddy up. Until then, though it's hard, in my opinion you just need to work on YOU.

I would also agree that it is a total denial issue. Many programs work--as long as you work THEM! Of course calorie counting works. I would not offer her any advice unless she asked for it. If she does, stick (tactfully) to your guns. I do not discuss weight related issues with hardly anyone--thats why I come to 3FC. I don't want to debate my methods. I don't want to stomp on anyone elses either.

Oh, hey. I must also urge you to rethink the diet buddy thing. It sounds like you two may be on different pages as far as commitment goes. It sounds as if you are well down the path where as she is deciding IF she wants to get on the path. Careful to not let anyone or anything trip you up. If a new diet partner is in order, seek one!

if by working, she means 'can't go back to eating whatever you want without gaining', she is right. It is definitely a lifestyle change

Think about how to say this to her very clearly. Such as, "The only thing that has worked for you is counting calories. You lost 40 pounds. When you stopped and went back to not paying attention, you gained. I hope you'll reconsider calorie tracking now that you have an iPhone."

Then deliver your message to her, face to face, very clearly, one time.

Don't argue with her about it.

That's the end of the discussion. You have delivered your message, and what she does now is up to her. You'll have to accept that.

If being diet buddies with her doesn't work because she's not tracking, then look for someone else as a backup or main buddy.

Good luck!

Jay

If she is interested in portion control she might try using a diet plate. They are specially sectioned for choosing the right amount of each food type.

Wish you lived nearby. I would be your diet buddy, lol.

The sad truth is, nobody can motivate us. We have to motivate ourselves. I have found calorie counting to be almost effortless, but then why didn't I do it TEN years ago? I wasn't ready emotionally, I suppose. Something just had to "click." Tell her your opinion, once and only once, don't harp on about it, and then let it drop. She needs to find her own sense of worth and her own drive.

thanks everyone. she has been tracking for about a week, I just dont' want her to fall off the wagon once she loses again. she tends to lose and regain large amoutns of weight very quickly. I once told her I've learnedmy lesson and wondered if she learned hers andshe said "probably not"

I guess that says it all.

You can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink.

She knows what to do- but for some reason she can't make it a life commitment- unfortunately there isn't much you can do.

Maybe if she has the app on her iphone she'll continue to stick with it?