I've been wading for the last few months just maintaining and going up and down a bit after my initial quit smoking and 10lb weight gain and of course started smoking again within a month. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it and I went to the doctor and got Champix and just have to set a quit date and stop smoking.
But it's been about four days now with counting calories and just trying to get moving again.
The depression/anxiety and whatever else feelings I've been having the last four months have taken there toll on me. I wasn't able to concentrate on much and I stopped blogging for awhile, stopped being interested in anything beside getting lost in my books or taking care of the boys.
Things are way better with my husband, I'm still having a lot of trust issues but he's doing great with helping me build that again. Next month we'll start visitation with his daughter, I'm not as emotional about it anymore and I can see how much he wants to be a part of her life and maybe someday I will love her too!
Frankly though, once I've taken off a good chunk of this weight, I'm going to approach my doctor about getting my tubes reversed.
The last month or so the weight has been fluctuating between 295 and 299 and I'm sick of it so I started watching what I ate, stopped the snacking and am giving up the soda again. It's amazing to me how easy it is to get back into the old way of eating.
I've lost all my muscle from all the lifting and cardio this past summer and I'm ready to have it back. I'm ready to get back to it and change my life and not wallow in my despair. I've had not stopped thinking about it and visiting here everyday, I just felt like I was floundering and I have got to stop.
I can't change the past but I can change the future and I can make a better me by making these changes and I'll be a better mother and wife and friend for it.