Just wondering? Do you think you're pretty?

[ubergirl]

This might seem like a weird question, but it's one I've been pondering a little bit lately.

I've noticed from looking at 3FC pictures how many people here are strikingly pretty-- both before and after weight loss.

That got me thinking about myself, and I had a realization.

I was looking at a picture of myself, seeing how much thinner my face is, and I had this thought lurking in the back of my mind, something like "OK, thinner, but still not pretty..."

And it occurs to me that even if I get very slim, I probably won't match "pretty" in my mind.... but I guess I finally got SO SICK AND TIRED of being fat that I really wanted to get the weight off even if it didn't make me pretty.

I might add that objectively speaking, I'm not unnattractive at all and aside from the weight most people would think I was good-looking.

So, I was just wondering.... do you think of yourself as pretty but needing to lose weight, or do you think of yourself as not that pretty in general.

For me-- it's always been FAT and UGLY. Hand in hand.

[cathydoe]

Oh my...I have heard all my life..."Oh what a pretty face you have" And then a pause...which meant "if only you would lose weight" Makes me want to scream! So, of course I am not answering your question. Do I think I am pretty? Yes, BUT it comes with negative connatations for me. And I feel arrogant saying I am pretty.

[ANewCreation]

No, I've never been pretty. Even when I was size 3 in high school, I was not pretty. This is not a pity party, it's just an objective truth. It is what it is.

But, I clean up pretty good! I know how to make myself attractive regardless of my weight. I do think of myself as attractive, I've never thought of myself as fat and ugly.

And, I'm okay with that.

[RomanceDiva]

I'm gonna sound conceited but I do think I was/am pretty

[Lori259]

I think I am pretty But I always see flaws....But only after My mother points them out to me ...then I can not get them outta of my mind. For instance when I was fitting into a size 11 (now in a size 8) I was feeling happy & feeling sexyfied!Anyways I saw my mother in town and she says you look great BUT you need to do some exercises to lose that big belly & you need to get your teeth fixed & oh my your hair is so thin...You need a hair do to your always so outdated ( i have long all the same length of hair! I don't think that ever goes out of style.)....ughhhh~What an "a double ss" That woman can be! Anyways, No one is ugly In my opinion Everyone has something pretty about them. Sometimes just attitudes are beautful. Skin complections. Finger nails. Ears....Eyes....Shapes...teeth....hands...Legs...T he list goes on. So everyone just needs to find what it is that makes them pretty & focus on it...I know it's hard to do~I have trouble with it myself....But So worth it for our self esteem. (OH And ignore that ones that help us have issues LIke For me My Mother!)

[JulieJ08]

No. I'm not ugly, but pretty isn't one of my strengths either. Nobody *ever* said to me, "You'd be so pretty if you only lost weight." I suppose I'd be rather miserable if after 40 years in this body that still bothered me.

[kaplods]

I've been fat since kindergarten, so "fat" has always been part of my identity, though not always with negative connotation. For as long as I can remember, my dad's nicknames for me have been fat kaplods, fat jammers (or jammer juicekins), and you'd think I would hate the ones that include "fat" - but it's hard to hate something with so much love in it (though as a preteen and teen, I was always terrified that he would "slip" and call me that in front of my friends - and I don't think he ever did, except the one or two "bestest, best," friends who would understand. Not sure how he knew when it was ok).

I always like my face, and always thought of faces as being the source of "pretty" (beautiful required a nice body to match, but fat did not erase prettiness), so I usually felt pretty (except when I had pimples).

Recently, I've been feeling a lot less pretty. I'm allergic to most makeup, I'm getting spider veins along my nose and cheeks (probably caused by the steroid creams I have to use to control seborrheic dermatitis) and the seborrheic dermatitis, which depending on the weather, and the severity of the flare can range from looking like slightly dry, flaky skin or eyebrow dandruff, to swollen, bright red "orange peel" skin (looking like orange peel because the skin around the pores is so swollen) to blisters and open sores oozing clear or yellow fluid with white and yellow crusts forming from the fluid drying (which burns and inches like a son of an expletive).

Yeah, don't feel pretty with (as my husband loves to call it) "face rot."

Feeling pretty one day, and hideous the next is an adjustment, to say the least.

I'll tell you though, having a husband who can make me feel beautiful, even WITH face rot, really is a blessing I never would have planned on. Unfortunately the magical spell only works in the apartment when other people aren't around - the bubble bursts as soon as I see someone with that "OMG, what's wrong with her face," stare.

Most of the year, I can keep the seb derm under control, but winter is seb derm season for me. Let's just say, I'm feeling kind of ugly today.

[PinkyPie]

My grandmother always said "Pretty is as pretty does". It doesn't matter if a person looks "pretty" on the outside if they treat people badly. I'd rather be ugly on the outside and have everyone love me for who I am.

Pretty is truly objective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you really think you are ugly on the outside I bet you there will be people out there who would totally disagree.

BE a beautiful person. That's all that matters. That's all I want to be. Sure I want to lose weight and look sexy and fit. One day my packaging will not be as it is now but at least I will still be as pretty as I can be to others (from the inside).

[Lackie]

I think I am pretty and I think that it is just a confidence factor for me. I also think that when I am happy and excited I feel like I am prettier. My attitude on how I look for me is directly correlated to how I *feel*. I think my face is prettier when I am a little fuller in the face.

[cfmama]

Huh. I dunno! I FEEL pretty. I feel I look okay. AM I pretty? I don't know! But I am happy with the way that I look at any rate

[kuhrisuh]

I've always felt both fat & ugly.. but I think I feel like I'm ugly because I'm overweight. I have my days where I feel like I'm the cutest, prettiest girl there is (a lot of that is thanks to my sweetheart of a boyfriend :]) and then there are others where I can't see past my weight. So it def. has to do with my mood as well.. & with not wanting to sound conceited... once I get comfortable in my body, I think I'll be a lot more comfortable saying that I am pretty.

[Lizzyg]

I've always been called fat AND ugly. So its hard for me to think I'm pretty, since I've had it drilled into my head that I'm ugly on top of being fat.

I think that sometimes I can look kind of pretty in pictures. I've had days where I've felt pretty.

Though, I'm starting to have more days where I feel pretty.

But overall, I dont think I'm that pretty.

I have no idea if I made any sense.

[starfishkitty]

I'm with Kuhrisuh on that one... some days I feel like a million bucks... that I have pretty good looks, different in that I don't think I've got typical "pretty" looks.... which is easy to do because I'm mixed races... and some days I feel like complete sh*t on a stick. I wonder how in the world so many guys can be hitting on me lately... even calling me "beautiful". *shakes head*

And the funny thing is that weight wise, typically there will be no difference on Day A, when I feel gorgeous, from Day B, when I feel like crapola. Don't get how that works.

*sigh* Well, in all... I'd have to say I'm not bad... I definitely thank god for what I have been given, so to speak... and as someone who suffers from similar problems like Kaplods (extreme eczema, steroid creams, etc)... I appreciate every good day as much as I can! On top of that... my sweetheart is a definite appreciator. He definitely is my biggest cheerleader sometimes.

[redreine]

I KNOW I'm pretty! I'm downright BEAUTIFUL. Does that make me conceited? NO. It makes me confident, and honest.

How many times have I heard, "You'd be really pretty if you lost some weight!"? Too many times to count. How many times did I care? NONE.

Know why? Because first of all, I look in the mirror and see a damn gorgeous girl, inside and out. Not only that, but it takes someone with a pretty FUGLY personality to tell someone they're ugly because they're fat. DUDE. YOU'RE UGLY BECAUSE YOUR PERSONALITY SUCKS.

*steps down from soapbox*
*bows*

[raebeaR]

Originally Posted by PinkyPie

My grandmother always said "Pretty is as pretty does". It doesn't matter if a person looks "pretty" on the outside if they treat people badly. I'd rather be ugly on the outside and have everyone love me for who I am.

Pretty is truly objective. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you really think you are ugly on the outside I bet you there will be people out there who would totally disagree.

BE a beautiful person. That's all that matters. That's all I want to be. Sure I want to lose weight and look sexy and fit. One day my packaging will not be as it is now but at least I will still be as pretty as I can be to others (from the inside).

PinkyPie, well said!! I am in complete agreement. Beauty really IS in the eye of the beholder, and nothing can overcome one person's poor treatment of another.

As for feeling pretty, well... it's complicated, isn't it? When I was young, and at various times in my early middle age, I was a knock-out. The sort of woman who turned every head when she walked in the room. I apologize for sounding vain, but it's just a point of fact. I always thought it was the most interesting phenomenon, and at various times I have attempted to parse out what exactly made me attractive in that way.

One part was, without a doubt, being an "acceptable" weight. Whenever I gained, I noticed that people's attention more readily turned elsewhere -- even though that was the ONLY thing that had changed.

Another part was youth. Can't do much about that.

Yet another part was pure personality. Even at my heaviest weight, I've never been the sort of person others can ignore (for better or worse). People are seldom indifferent to me -- they are either very attracted to me as a person, or they can't stand me. I guess I just take up a lot of room in every respect.

In the end, who you are inside is all you've got. Eventually the looks slide on down the road... you start doing battle with body hair virtually non-stop... as they say, getting old ain't for the faint of heart. So I've focused on the "pretty" part of me that comes from within. I still have days when I feel pretty on the outside, when the make up is good and the hair looks decent, but I understand that I can never compete with true "pretty" anymore. I am grateful that there are people in my life who still see me as pretty no matter what fresh hell time visits upon my appearance... and those are the ones to hold onto, aren't they? The ones who see inside.