Just wondering? Do you think you're pretty?

CLCSC145 · 12-13-2009, 09:49 PM

I wish I did, because I so admire people who have good self-esteem and confidence in who they are. I think I look a whole lot better than I did 100 pounds ago, and I like myself more than I did then, but no, I don't feel particularly pretty or attractive. There are moments when I feel like I look my best and that feels good, but those moments are fairly few and far between.

DCHound · 12-13-2009, 09:51 PM

I spent my whole life thinking I was plain at best, usually butt-ugly.

I modelled in college (plus sized) and at the time thought it was because clothes hung well on me due to my good proportions.

I was in a bad marriage for a long time and after the first two years of our marriage never got a single compliment from my husband about my appearance.

My mother was strikingly beautiful (still is in an elegant, aged way) and my sister was utterly gorgeous when she was younger, still beautiful now. People used to get us confused, I never knew why. I thought it was because we had the same hair/eye color, same height, same last name.

(Do you see where this is going?)

Duh, body dysmorphic disorder. Now that I'm in my 40s I finally figured out, all those people in my teens and twenties and thirties, really until I gained 150 extra pounds, weren't being flatterers or liars or wanting something when they told me I was beautiful. I was. But I truly, truly did not see it.

I finally had to be able to see it myself, as part of the post-divorce post-depression healing process I went through in 2008, to be able to make this journey.

So, yes, I am beautiful. My features aren't classically perfect but I do have a striking and interesting face, with very unusual hair/eye coloring, and I take no credit for it, it's luck of the genetic draw.

All that said, I *truly* believe it's 'pretty is as pretty does.' There are many, many beautiful people in this world that do horrible things, and to me they are as ugly as decomposing garbage in a landfill. Seriously.

ubergirl · 12-13-2009, 11:15 PM

Thank you so much everybody for giving me your insights into this matter.

I'm 48 and so I don't spend a huge amount of time worrying about whether or not I'm pretty, but as I go along in this journey, I'm trying to excavate some old old feelings that I think still get in my way even though they're not relevant any more.

And the pretty thing is one of them. Objectively speaking, I'm probably average to above average attractiveness. I'm not a beauty, nor am I a dog.

But for some reason, I spent many years actively, almost aggressively neglecting my appearance. I walked around with frizzy hair with a skunk stripe, shapeless clothes that neither fit nor flattered.

And I was SUPER self-concious about my appearance-- worrying about meeting people, especially people who could help me in my career.

I mean, for a person who actually has achieved quite a lot in her life, I have a really super bad case of thinking I'm ugly and then just perpetuating it by not doing what it takes to look my best.

I think there are people who get overweight, and then it can affect their self-esteem, and then there are people who just have crappy self-esteem to start out with, and when the weight piles on it just reinforces the inner view of pre-existing suckage.

I'm DEFINITELY part of the latter group, and it's really good for me, really eye-opening and life affirming to see those of you who weigh just as much as me and say "I'm pretty"... which you are! For others, I can see that you can be pretty and overweight at the same time, so why not for me too?

JayEll · 12-13-2009, 11:32 PM

Hon, let me tell you, I am hot.

And I have been that way all my adult life. BUT, I was not so hot when I was obese.

I can say that I have been blessed with regular features and nice eyes and a nice smile (thanks to braces as a kid!

). But I think the difference for me is that I wasn't overweight as a younger person. I only gained weight after a certain age. So, in my mind's eye, I still think like a "normal" sized person, and for a long time, that is who I would see in the mirror, with my nice eyes etc.

One day I took a good look and saw that I was way above normal sized. And I didn't like that.

So, yeah, I guess I do think I'm "pretty"--and more so with less weight.

Jay

catherinef · 12-14-2009, 03:27 AM

I was pretty, really, really strikingly pretty, when I was younger, and just kinda-sorta big, and yes, I definitely got the "you have such a pretty face..." stuff. The fatter I got, the more my features blurred, but still, if you looked, I definitely had a very pretty face.

Ah, age, and as somebody said above, that fat was pretty kind to my face in terms of keeping it youthful. My husband was playing around with his camera the other night, and I asked him to take a couple of quick shots of me (my, how times have changed) and not to worry about making them flattering, I just wanted to see what I looked like now, in terms of size.

I had no idea my face is now so thin and angular. I mean, yes, of course I knew, I see it in the mirror every day, but this last 20 pounds...whoa. I do think it makes me look a bit older, but holy cow, I don't recognize my face without all that fat padding it out. It was really, really striking. And now I don't know if I'd say I'm pretty, but I also don't much care, because hey! You could hang a picture off those cheekbones, and look at how sharp that jawline is, and just look at those collarbones and those narrow shoulders and that slim neck...you get the idea.

Violet73 · 12-14-2009, 08:18 AM

when someone is truly happy....there is something that shines from within.....it makes that person beautiful whether they are physically beautiful or not. You can take a gorgeous supermodel with a scowl or an average-looking woman who shines and the average-looking woman is much more beautiful. That is my opinion anyway

sprklemajik · 12-14-2009, 10:24 AM

I think I'm pretty. Not 50 lbs ago, but now, still overweight I get a lot of compliments (from people who know me as well as strangers). As an overweight teen I looked boy-ish and was so very uncomfortable, but as I got older 18-now I've settled more into a womanly look. My weight shifted about that time to my hips and chest. I think with another 30 lbs or so off I'd be flat out gorgeous... (that sounds vain, but I truly feel it).

Kae · 12-14-2009, 10:34 AM

It depends on the day... and my mood. If I wake up and feel good then I feel more confident about myself. But usually I kinda stand in the blah middle ground.

emilydreaming · 12-14-2009, 11:49 AM

Most days, I feel pretty. I am not a knock-out at my current weight and I may not be at goal, but I'm pretty and I've never let my confidence drop enough to not at least see that - I hope I never will.

dandk0204 · 12-14-2009, 12:01 PM

You know its hard to say. On the days when I am eating right, I am beating my addiction I feel pretty. I don't care what anyone things because I believe it. Now on most days when my addiction is beating me I feel ugly & fat, I feel like my 300 pound self and that's all I can see. One day I hope to defeat it and just feel pretty and I am taking it one day at a time.

nelie · 12-14-2009, 01:48 PM

I don't think I'm pretty and I've become unhappier with my looks since I've lost weight. That is just the way it goes though.

Aclai4067 · 12-14-2009, 02:03 PM

I've always found it interesting that so many women complain about the "you have such a pretty face" compliment because I would LOVE for someone to tell me that! I'm only told I have pretty eyes, or occasionally pretty hair. I hate my hair most days, but agree about the eyes (they're my one point of vanity).

As far as overall, do I think I'm pretty? It depends on the day. Most days I look in the mirror and think "eh, hopefully you'll be average after weight loss." But occasionally I'll have days where I look and think "You really might be pretty someday!" I'd like to think I have the genetics for it. I come from a very atractive family (my sister and cousins are all beautiful, and I kind of have that ugly duckling feeling). I think it's hard to feel pretty growing up with "Wow, you're sister is soooo pretty... you look nothing like her!"
There are the very rare occasions where I feel like I'm pretty now (these occassions usually involve copious amount of alcohol). But these occassions are like a high, and when I come down I crash hard.

Dulce Vida · 12-14-2009, 02:32 PM

I do feel that I am pretty, when I was thinner I got a little too much attention. I feel awkward saying that, but that was the past. Now, I do get compliments, but I don't always feel pretty because of my weight. Since I've gained weight, I haven't cared as much about my physical appearance, which is a shame. I've been slowly returning to my old self little by little, buying a few pretty clothes even if I know they will be too big soon--I figure I can do good by donating them. I wish I would've felt this way a while ago. Now I don't want to wait until I get to goal to feel good about myself. Life is too short for that.

annie175 · 12-14-2009, 02:44 PM

I don't know that I am pretty but do feel at least attractive now. I just hope being as kind as possible to others makes up for the rest.

Mikayla · 12-14-2009, 04:52 PM

Most of the time I think I'm pretty and I'm overall pleased with my appearance. I wish my teeth were straight, and it would be nice to be a bit taller, but overall I don't look too bad. I do think I will be more attractive at my goal weight though, right now I'm still kinda round...I think people are prettier less round...LOL.