I have a friend who is coming to visit next weekend. She will be in town for a wedding and would like to spend an evening with us. All great and good until I remembered that I'd lost weight and it will be the first thing out of her mouth. Okay, but she is the type that obsesses about every little flaw in herself and others. I can not ever recall a conversation with her where she didn't either start obsessing about one of her flaws or someone else's. She can go on forever! And here's the kicker, she's in perfect physical shape. Of course we all have something we'd like to change, I get that, but she is just over the top. Only in this one area, when you get her off that topic she is a hoot!
Arggg! I just do not want to go there! I do not want to spend the evening discussing how I lost my weight. Or her weight or her neighbors weight or the brides weight, etc.
How can I politely cut her off before she goes there? I mean, I know she's going to notice and what can you do about that. I just want to be able to redirect her at a certain point, you know what I mean?
Anyone ever dealt with someone like this? What do you do? Advice needed and appreciated please!
My Mother is also obsessed with talking about her weight, the weight of others, dieting, etc. !
Unfortunately, I feel she passed that obsession onto me. I have to be cautious that I don't act exactly like my Mother.
Instead of avoiding talking about weight and diet altogether, just talk about weight and diet in a more constructive way.... don't criticize the bodies of others, instead talk about healthy techniques, recipes, good exercises to do, etc.
One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. - Virginia Woolf
You could call her ahead of the visit and explain that you're really looking forward to seeing her, that you've lost weight and she's sure to notice - but it's not a topic you enjoy discussing. Just say that you'd like to spend this special time with her talking about other things. If she's a good friend, she should understand.
(Or, that phone call could end up being the "weight conversation" and you wouldn't need to discuss it when she came!)
If that doesn't work, when she comes you can try to cut off the health talk. I've said "Well enough of that! What else is going on with you?" when I wanted a conversation to take a different turn.
Last edited by peaches09 : 12-12-2009 at 05:04 AM.
When dealing with friends or family who share this personality trait with your friend, sometimes I simply resort to saying, as gently and kindly as possible, that I have spent so much time thinking obsessively about all this diet and weight-loss stuff that I'm pretty burned out on the topic, so would they mind terribly if we talked about something else for a while? It can be hard to do that, because it might make you feel rude, or be afraid you're going to offend your friend, but at the same time, you shouldn't feel obliged to continue discussing a topic that makes you feel uncomfortable, and there's nothing wrong with saying so.
When my mother and her friend visited me from America last summer, there were times when I hit the wall with all the weight-loss-type talk and finally started saying that, and it was SUCH a relief.
Began 14 August 2008
Initial goal of 175 reached 5 July 2010
Goal reset to 160
Maintaining 160-165 since November 2010
Just change the subject! After you've had enough, direct the conversation to something else--your choice of colors for the living room, the trees you want to plant, the plumbing repairs you had to have done, anything! And then repeat as needed. You're going to have to take things in hand this way--just telling her you don't want to talk about it anymore isn't going to be useful.
The time to tell her that is if she asks why you're always changing the subject!
__________________ "My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama
This is good advice-- I think I can change the topic. I especially like "Well enough of that!" Maybe I can get her to talk about the wedding!
BTW, in the past I just don't engage in any negative conversation. I have just let her talk herself out and then we move on to something else. But, she is really long winded so cutting her off at the pass will have to be quick and premptive, because once she starts it's going to be awhile before she stops. Maybe, I can excuse myself to get coffee, go to the bathroom, something like that.....:0
I love hearing that I am not the only one to have a person like this in their lives. I want to enjoy our visit and advice really pumps me up. I'm inspired to believe I can do this!
I have one friend who pushed it to the point where I had to say something. I can't remember what it was, but I kept it polite and probably made a joke about it, and she seemed to take it ok. I also shut people down generally by joking that whilst I love the results, talking about going to the gym and counting calories is even more boring than going to the gym and counting calories.
Oh, here's the bandwagon, right where I left it
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