Hi ladies,
I don't know what to say. Thank you, thank you,
thank you for all you've written.
This is a really hard time at the moment. I'm at a point in therapy where I've begun digging up some things about my past. It's both incredibly difficult and immensely relieving and uplifting. My family (where I think many of my problems come from) are spectacular at not keeping in touch and it's hard for me to trust either of my parents. There are some lovely friends around me, but not many close enough that I can really talk to.
The early sunsets suck royally, but today I got myself out for an hour-long walk in the afternoon, which helped a lot. I'm thinking about dragging myself out for a run early in the morning, even if it is pitch black out there. The sunrises are worth it and the fresh air has got to help in kicking my systems into gear.
As for food: about an hour ago I took a big bowl and poured lots of yummy dessert into it. Took a couple of (tea)spoonfuls, there's tons left, and...nope, dessert is not going to make me feel better. This isn't the stuff you can pour back into the carton, so down the sink it'll go.
<warning: religion stuff coming up>
So I find myself in a position where I don't feel I can completely trust those around me. But because I do feel the need to completely open up, I guess the answer is to turn to Christ (I've been a Catholic since I was tiny). Only, ack, when you've trusted people who have hurt you, and you've never really had a personal relationship with God, the idea of making yourself vulnerable
again, and to someone who you can't see, to boot, is terrifying. But, uh, Scripture says over and over I should trust Christ more than I actually would any other person, so I guess my fears (whilst real) are me seeing things in a mirror.
If that made sense. Gah.
<end religion stuff>
Ok, I'm going to stop waffling now. Hand on heart, I can't say that I'm out of whatever hole it was on Friday that had me in a tizz. But I think things are looking up. Thanks again for your support. It's good, so good to know that you guys are here to encourage me take control of what I can and let go of the rest. You're very special folks