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Rosebuds again, a tad OT. Oh and a bit long.

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Old 11-03-2009, 04:18 AM   #1
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Default Rosebuds again, a tad OT. Oh and a bit long.

Remember back in July I got to the 'more painful to stay in bud than to flower into a full rose' stage? As a consequence of which the long-time, former best friend of 12 years has not voluntarily spoken to me, 4 months ffs! Still, after the initial upset, apart from a couple of times when I've thought, "I'll just ring G." but then don't, as he's made his mind games very clear, I've been fine: sorry that something can just explode like that but no regrets.

Well, I've had another one! One of my officers at the church has been a pain the btm since I arrived in January. One of those guys who yes, does quite a lot for the church but is very unsupportive of me: I've heard him stirring it; he has a robed role on a Sunday, and he takes every opportunity to strut about during worship to draw attention to himself when I'm speaking; he writes up the minutes of the church council meeting and adds snide comments. I've had a meeting with him and the other officer - nothing changed. I had a big Conversation with him 2 Sundays ago, letting him know that others have noticed his attitude to me and it has to stop. We had a huge service Sunday night, and I gave him particular instructions for the ceremony: he did the exact oppostie. We get to our big service last night - and he just didn't turn up. It's his job to lay everything up for services; he was also down to read one of the lessons; he just didn't show.

Does it matter to salvation? Of course not but his unremitting, niggling undermining is detrimental to my mental health and is not helpful to the church - if you have a role to play you should do it right, and if one of the 'up front' guys is doing it very obviously half-heartedly, it spreads.

So my rosebud rustled again last night and I came straight home and rang him. 'O, I've got a cold coming'. (OK, fair enough, in these days of swine flu, I keep telling people to stay home if they're sick and not pass things on - but he couldn't have had the courtesy to let me know instead of just not showing?) So I used words that made it very clear that his attitude has to stop. Now. He was stunned. I told him not to come next Sunday, if his cold developed, but to do me the courtesy of letting me know. When we next met, he must bring his diary and we'll put a date in to have a meeting and sort this out because it can't go on.

It ended amicably enough, and I'm only slightly still strung out this morning, 12 hours on..... but pop, there goes another petal, blooming. I have taken due time, given the FBF's attitude to me standing up for myself, to consider whether it's just me being snotty but I think not.

Oh yes, and today I'm back OP eating wise. 19 weeks to Paris mark 2. Ambition to be 163 - that's 1lb within 'overweight'. No fat roses here.
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Old 11-03-2009, 04:48 AM   #2
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Oh my - you have my admiration. Over the past few years I've been trying to not avoid "confrontations" with people: not in an adversarial way, you know, but sitting down and talking about things when they need to be talked about. It's so exhausting and I've made plenty of mistakes along the way and I'm not even half of the way there.... Kudos to you for taking appropriate action.

I think there are characters like that in any church situation. There are plenty in my parish (heck, I'm sure I've been that person myself). You're right in that when someone's got a cassock and cotta on, they have to think of how they appear to the folks in the pew more than their personal preferences at that moment. I really, really, really don't envy the clergy - the people who sometimes need to take all the difficult bulls by the horns.

Well done you! I hope I can follow your example
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Old 11-03-2009, 06:22 AM   #3
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We have one of those at our church. He's apparently just left our church as someone else is getting at him (they weren't really they were just at breaking point and couldn't take his behaviour any longer). Don't know if he'll be back or not but he certainly caused everyone a lot of stress and tension especially our poor church warden who's trying to hold everything together while we have no vicar. The tension definatly spills over to other people (and scares other people away) so you did the right thing I'm sure. Hope you get it sorted out with him peacefully without any more stress.

Glad you're back on plan
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Old 11-03-2009, 07:33 AM   #4
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Good for you for standing up for yourself!!
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Old 11-03-2009, 08:40 AM   #5
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Good for you, and it's good to see you. I was just wondering about you last night and hoping you hadn't left us!
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Old 11-03-2009, 11:14 AM   #6
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that would seriously stress me out. Good for you in taking steps to resolve it with this guy; hopefully he'll embrace his maturer side sooner rather than later(!).
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