Suffice it to say that my mom and I have a long complicated weight history together.
My mom was a very pretty and petite woman who gained weight (maybe 30 pounds) in middle age. My very tall, very slender dad, gave her a very hard time about it.
My mom, feeling bad about herself, and probably hoping to save me the pain, facilitated every bad thing in me-- starvation diets, unrealistic weight goals, terrible self-image, even a breast reduction. To top it off, I participated in one of those sports where body image is very important, and my mom was emotionally invested in it.
Basically, a toxic mess, from which I emerged with a horrible body image and a lifetime battle with eating issues.
Long story short, my mom, now elderly is now slim again, but she still tells me every five minutes how she wants to lose ten pounds "for her health..."
But she still makes me really uncomfortable about weight issues. For example, she has never been able to refer to plus size clothing as anything other than "your size"... as in "they have that in 'your size'" indicating that it's practically a miracle. I might add that I'm the only obese person in my entire extended family.
She knows I'm losing weight, and saw me when I had lost about 20 pounds. Now, whenever she talks to me, she asks me in this little worried voice, if I'm still exercising or dieting or if I "just got too busy..."
About a month ago, she asked what size I wore, and did I wear "normal sizes now..." (I am still firmly an 18-20/2X) Last night, she wanted to know how much I had lost, and when I said "53 pounds" she said "oh, so you really slowed down, didn't you?"
So, here's the kicker. She is coming to stay with me for a month. I'm delighted because I get along with her well except for the weight thing and my kids love her.
But, I'm scared that all of her weird little comments and advice and desire to talk obsessively about food and weight loss and how fat she is (she has a BMI of 22) is going to trigger old demons in me.... I think, deep down, I used to have a reaction to eat more just to get back at her... (this is a woman who used to pack me a tiny container of tuna fish with no mayo, or half a sandwich and nothing else for lunch when I was growing, and exercising five hours a day...I have memories of being starving all the time and waiting until I could sneak into the kitchen late at night to secretly shove slices of bread into my mouth...)
Also, when she comes, she usually cooks for me. Now she's told me that she's excited about coming because she's going to lose weight since we'll all be dieting. She also has a weird annoying habit of adopting whatever healthy thing I'm eating and eating exactly the same thing, only she always modifies it in some way to make it somehow healthier and lower in calories... like now I eat peanut butter, wheat bread, and banana for breakfast... she'll find some other kind of bread that has ten less calories, swap out the peanut butter for sugar free, eat exactly one slice of banana and sprinkle splenda on it...Ok... I think you all get the picture!!!
Advice, insights on how to prevent old baggage from affecting my new lifestyle?