Crappy crappy weekend
 

and I don't even know why?!?

Friday night is pizza party night here with the kids and for these months that I have been dieting I just make myself a frozen pizza that I found that is only 280 calories for half of it and I make myself a big salad. Piece of cake!

Yesterday? I ate my supper and then had a bite of one of the kids slices of pizza. Then I had another. Then another. Then a slice all to myself. Then another!!! What the?!?

I was SO angry with myself!! :mad: Then today, I made some homemade granola bars for the kids and tried a small bite (new recipe, you know ;) had to TRY it), then I had a small slice, then another! Grrrr!!!

THEN, tonight, my hubby and I went out for a late evening "date" and we went to Montana's and I ordered a glass of red wine (which was within my daily allowance...not counting the granola bars I guess :() and then he ordered calamari and I had a piece...then another...then I ordered a chicken quesadilla (off the "healthy alternative menu...but STILL!!)

What is wrong with me?!?

I have been at this since March and have had my share of small "cheats" here and there but never an entire weekend with bad choice followed by bad choice followed by bad choice! Oh I am just feeling so frustrated!!

The scale hasn't really been moving this week when I was on plan so NOW what am I going to see?!?

Oy. I don't know why I needed to write this. I guess I was just looking to vent and for someone to kick my a** back on plan. I have come too far to not complete this journey. Help :o :dizzy: :o :dizzy:

My guess is because the scale hasn't been moving, just because that is the number one thing I have to deal with. That could have been the "trigger". I say to myself, "well, here I've been on plan and exercising and nothing is happening. It's not fair!! I may as well eat!" and then have a pity party and eat. Now, sometimes this isn't a conscious choice, but addiction is so clever at getting it's needs fulflled, you are eating before you know it. I picture this little evil devil laughing and celebrating when I overeat; that's the incarnation of my addiction.

The bottom line is what choice do we have? We can either fall back into the miserable, guilt-ridden, even sick life we had before or continue hanging in there and plugging away one day at a time. On my worse day of dieting I feel better physically and emotionally than on my best day of eating whatever I wanted.

You can go along for weeks, months, years and then it turns on a dime; but, by that time you have the power of habit behind you. You have all the positive things that you have experienced to support you. But, it is not a disease that can be ignored just because your body is thin; I believe it requires constant vilgilence for the rest of our lives. It sound bad, but in just doing it lies our strength. It is an addiction that can be managed. It is a matter of pespective: my best friend has myesthenia gravis and could suffocate from this disease if the muscles in her chest won't function. I don't want any disease, but if I had to choose, at least being obese can be reversed.

it's easy to go..."what the heck...it's just a few bites....or just one day"...

the problem is, once you start - as you see, it can be hard to stop.

Why not start fresh day and commit to no more sampling other unsafe foods. Why not write down what you're going to eat for the next few days...why not think harder on why you reached out and wanted theirs...

feeling deprived? upset with the scale? resentful they get regular pizza and you don't? wanted to "join in"? tired of your eating plan?

when you look at it honestly, you'll know the answer and then you can tackle it head on - make a plan!

Momof5k - Hope you're back on track now - if not - remember YOU are worth this. Dust yourself off & get back on track. I find if I get off plan, journaling helps me to get things back in perspective and makes me take accountability for what I'm eating.

Hang in there and just get back on track. I am sure we have all had our share of set backs and we just have to keep going forward!

Weekends are always harder for me and for hubby too (we are doing this together). I think most of that is because we aren't on a set schedule like we are during the week. Weekdays he is at work and has scheduled times to eat, I am home with the kids and there are (loosely) scheduled times that we eat and do school and such. On the weekends we just wonder the earth at will and eat when it fits in and munch when we are board.

I also notice when the scale isn't moving that I have a harder time controlling myself..I guess my subconscious thinks "What difference does it make, eating perfect isn't getting you anywhere anyway so just graze like a cow!"


Today is Monday.. time to move on, get back on plan and forgive yourself for the past. You can do this!!

Weekends are so hard for myself as well!! I am sorry you had a bad weekend, keep at it, keep going you will get there!!

Hey Momof5k,

I know what is happening, and it's probably the hardest part of the journey. I really hope you can pull it back together and reach you goal. Right around the time I entered the 190's and had lost a substantial amount of weight, for the first time in a LONG time I felt...well, normal. The obesity was gone, and just being "overweight" felt pretty darn good. I was looking normal, people around me gave me the thumbs up, and I was hearing the, "it's okay to splurge everyonce in awhile" song and dance (A LOT!). So I did what you did, I tested the waters. Unfortunately it was still too deep, and I wasn't able to handle eating like a normal person. I might have felt normal and looked (fairly) normal, but my relationship with food was still NOT normal. I doubt if I'll ever have a normal relationship with food, I've pretty much excepted that food will be a constant struggle until the day I leave this earth. That's life. It sucks, but it is what it is. Others in my family don't have the food issues. My sons might over-indulge one day and then for the next couple days they just naturally eat less. Thankfully they are wired differently than their Mom.

Get back on track NOW before any more damage is done and shake that booty...get fit! :hug:

Thanks!!
 

Thank you for the replies everyone! I am feeling a little more on track this morning. So many of the things you all wrote spoke to me.

I think that part of it is what you said, Lori Bell. Everyone is telling me how great I look that it subconciously seems harder to stay focused. One little cheat, or one little bite is easier to justify now that I feel like "a normal overweight person".

All of the great things (shopping in non-plus size clothing stores, feeling good in the clothes I wear, not feeling totally self conscious about my size) were also a big part of my motivation to stay on plan. Without those things, I have to find new motivation.

Hopefully, I have found that and it will carry through the next 40+ pounds.

Thank you everyone for your understanding and encouragment! It means so much to have a place to come where people "get it"! :hug::hug::hug: You chicks are awesome! :)

I'm glad you are feeling better this morning :)

Just remember that every day is a new day and it's up to you in which direction it will take. If you don't like the direction it's going in you can always change it.