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Need help getting hubby to not worry

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Old 10-06-2009, 10:43 PM   #1
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Default Need help getting hubby to not worry

My dh gets quite worried sometimes because he thinks I'm not eating enough. He supports me in losing weight (even though he has a thing for larger women and the smallest woman he's ever been with was a 14 or 16, though he was apparently ONCE interested in one who might have been an 8). He worries though.

He has a very high metabolism and eats quite a lot. His ex-wife and his daughter also eat massive amounts (though they were not blessed with a metabolism like his and his poor daughter's clothing size is lrger than her age). I have never, even at my worst, eaten half as much as the 3 of them. When I was seriously overeating my whole day was probably as much food as he spent 20 years watching his ex eat at one meal. These days I eat maybe 1/4-1/3 the amount per meal that I once did, occasionally even as much as half. So, to him the amounts I eat now are seriously tiny. I am having to teach him what proper portions are because he really quite literally has no clue. At first he would be very shocked when I told him how many calories were in my meals, but he is getting pretty good at guessing now. He still doesn't think it's enough though. He didn't have much food as a kid, so it is a big issue with him.

He wants me to be happy and healthy, it's just that due to his childhood, the way his ex and daughter are, and his ability to eat plate after plate and keep a 31 inch waist have given him some funny ideas about food and portions. I don't want him to be worried all the time about me, it's sweet of him to worry, but that's not good for him. How do I convince him that the amounts I'm eating now are appropriate amounts of food? Anybody have any ideas?
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Old 10-06-2009, 10:51 PM   #2
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I think you need to convince him that the amounts of food you eat how are appropriate FOR YOU. If he eats the way he does and can maintain his weight and has no health issues associated with his eating, then that amount is right FOR HIM. Every single body in this world is different. There are a few consistencies, but NO body is exactly like another. You're doing what works for you. Keep repeating yourself.
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Old 10-07-2009, 12:14 AM   #3
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They sell plates that have pictures of proper portion sizes on them, maybe he can SEE what a portion should be every meal, he might get it!!! They are about $15 from Amazon, but I bet if you have a local pottery place you could make your own for much cheaper!
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Old 10-07-2009, 12:31 AM   #4
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You're 5'2", how tall is your husband? Along with his great metabolism, does he have an active job? Workout?

My hubby has goofy ideas about losing weight too. LOL, he thinks it's totally tied to how many BM's you have a day.

He is totally convinced heavy people don't poo enough.

ANyway, WW says a serving of meat should be about the size of a deck of cards, potato about the size of a light bulb, apples/oranges, etc., the size of a tennis ball. Maybe that will help a bit.
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Old 10-07-2009, 12:39 AM   #5
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sidhe is spot on!
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Old 10-07-2009, 01:21 AM   #6
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Actually, if he chooses to worry, there isn't much you can do about it. It sounds like he definitely has his own issues and there may be nothing you can do to ease his fears except eat what YOU know is right for you--and make sure you don't vanish into thin air!

Good luck. Realise that down the road you may have to ask him not to talk to you about it: you don't want his anxieties influencing how much (or how you feel about how little) you eat.

PS: You are eating over 12-1300 calories/day, right?
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Old 10-07-2009, 03:10 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FitGirlyGirl View Post
My dh gets quite worried sometimes because he thinks I'm not eating enough. He supports me in losing weight (even though he has a thing for larger women and the smallest woman he's ever been with was a 14 or 16, though he was apparently ONCE interested in one who might have been an 8). He worries though.

He has a very high metabolism and eats quite a lot. His ex-wife and his daughter also eat massive amounts (though they were not blessed with a metabolism like his and his poor daughter's clothing size is lrger than her age). I have never, even at my worst, eaten half as much as the 3 of them. When I was seriously overeating my whole day was probably as much food as he spent 20 years watching his ex eat at one meal. These days I eat maybe 1/4-1/3 the amount per meal that I once did, occasionally even as much as half. So, to him the amounts I eat now are seriously tiny. I am having to teach him what proper portions are because he really quite literally has no clue. At first he would be very shocked when I told him how many calories were in my meals, but he is getting pretty good at guessing now. He still doesn't think it's enough though. He didn't have much food as a kid, so it is a big issue with him.

He wants me to be happy and healthy, it's just that due to his childhood, the way his ex and daughter are, and his ability to eat plate after plate and keep a 31 inch waist have given him some funny ideas about food and portions. I don't want him to be worried all the time about me, it's sweet of him to worry, but that's not good for him. How do I convince him that the amounts I'm eating now are appropriate amounts of food? Anybody have any ideas?
My mother is from Arkansas and she is weird about food too. She was poor growing up and when you had food you ate as much as you could. As an adult this manifested itself in her eating a lot of sugar. It was a rare treat as a child. She also won't eat anything she wasn't exposed to when she was a child, like any seafood or mushrooms; actually what she will eat is very limited; and she's now 88 and has been living in CA for 65 years. She's never been fat. To her food is very emotionally charged and it's probably the same for your husband. Maybe you could try to talk to him and see if you can find out what food represents to him, for example, survival, or maybe there's a religious aspect, like not wasting food, a sin, when it's available. Not that you will be able to talk him out of it, but it helps to understand what's going on with him and being able to reassure him. To let you know how crafty my mother was, I never realized any of this until I was in my 40's. She hides candy in the buffet and in her purse and eats it in the car. She also moves anything she doesn't like around her plate like she's eating it, and no one notices.
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Old 10-07-2009, 03:21 AM   #8
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You could google stuff on the internet - studies, etc. and show them to him, or you could plan a trip to the doc and let the doc talk to him. You can often just make an appointment for a consult. Journal your food for a week (if you don't already) and show the doctor with him there. I'm sure a medical opinion might help ease some of his worry. GL!
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Old 10-07-2009, 07:53 AM   #9
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Well, how much are you eating now?

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Old 10-07-2009, 01:58 PM   #10
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shcirerf - he's 5'8", currently driving a desk, though he is supposed to be an airplane engine mechanic and they will probably be switching him back to it soon (he's in the air force). He only works out when they make him, so maybe once every few months he goes for a run and then for about a month before his yearly fit test he will prep for it.

Suezeeque - He's from Brooklyn, but he did grow up with VERY little food, partly lack of money partly being raised by people who should not have been allowed to have him. He doesn't mind wasting food any more than any average person minds it and it is definitley not a religious thing. He's just always hungry. I do think it is probably part psychological - making up for his childhood, he thinks so too. He maintains his weight with no effort though, so it has to also be physical, his body needs the calories.

Alana - I know I have to be careful not to let his issues cause me issues. I think the last 40 pounds or so that I put on were partly due to his issues. I have talked to him about that and told him I can't let that happen anymore. He doesn't try to force me to eat more or anything and sometimes he doesn't even say anything, but I can see and feel him worrying. Not to worry, I am not going to let his worry make me overeat.

JayEll - I usually eat 1200-1300 calories a day. Some days go as high as 1400 and there have been a few occasions that were under 1200, usually around 1100 on those days (about 700 once - the next day was not a fun day), but they are very rare and not something I did on purpose. I am certainly eating enough.

Everyone - Thanks for the responses and advice. I know the boy has issues. He thinks EVERYONE should eat more. We have 3 fat stray cats that live in our backyard - he has managed to make stray cats fat. He even made the fish fat. I figure the outside cats being fat going into winter is not exactly a bad thing, but I have forced him to put the poor fish on a diet. I hate making him worry about me, but not enough to return to the way I used to eat. So I hope I can make him not worry while I still eat healthy because I plan to eat properly if he worries or not.
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Old 10-07-2009, 02:20 PM   #11
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Maybe to him food MEANS healthy. He sounds like my husband. To him being stuffed is ideal. It means he's not wanting for anything in some way in his mind. He's only recently working through that issue and is ok with being "Full" but not stuffed to the gills. Stay strong with what you're doing and just make him aware of the fact that you're being healthy for YOU.
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Old 10-07-2009, 02:34 PM   #12
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Actually for your current weight and activity, I would say you are NOT eating enough. So maybe that's why he's worried.

Jay
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