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Taking the f-word out of the dictionary

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Old 10-06-2009, 09:03 AM   #1
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Default Taking the f-word out of the dictionary

Warning: long!

For many people losing weight it seems that the biggest obstacle is "between the ears": the realisation that we're not destined to fail in re-forming our lives, that we're not hopeless cases, and that if we really are determined to get there, then golly by gobshums, we are going to get there. When you've perhaps spent years subconsciously telling yourself that you can't be anything other than fat, this can be something of a revelation. What you thought was unattainable...is perfectly possible! There are so many stories in the successes section here on 3fc which include something like, "I never thought I could do it until I just did...if I can do it, anyone can."

This thread by thistoo got me thinking. She says she had filed her attempt at karate into her "failures" file, but wants to take up martial arts again.

My weight loss is showing me that there's nothing I can't do if I really want it and am committed enough to putting the effort in. There's no excuse for the "failures" file to have anything in it.

One issue for me that's been sitting there and festering for years is driving - years ago I took lessons but never managed to pass the test. Now I'm looking at my finances and want to save up money for lessons, to start afresh and learn to drive.

My logic is this: I always thought, "I'll never be slim," and here I am, having lost almost as much weight as my backpack this Summer weighed. I have a good food plan, I exercise most days, and my body is doing its thing.

After not passing the driving test, I eventually started saying to myself, "I'll never be a driver. I'm not cut out for that." Well...I'm not prepared to put up with that from my negative side anymore. I want the independence that being able to drive will give me. I want that self-confidence. And I will go out and get it.

So - after a very long post - what are the things in YOUR "failures" file that you want to take out and make into a SUCCESS?
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Old 10-06-2009, 12:50 PM   #2
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I really want to play roller derby but I dont' drive (never will!) and I can't get out to the practices and bouts.

but also, I would like to do kickboxing someday I think. I have always wanted to do that but felt kind of ridiculous, like I would topple and fall over. :P maybe someday!
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:33 PM   #3
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I really want to become a burlesque dancer After I'm at goal and (just being honest) had my "nips and tucks" it's on my list of things to do
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Old 10-06-2009, 03:32 PM   #4
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That's a toughie.

I try not to have any regrets--so I don't know if I don't have any--or if I've just repressed them really well!
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Old 10-06-2009, 06:51 PM   #5
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I really want to join a beach volleyball team. I just never did because of my size. Id also love to take a self defense class.
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Old 10-06-2009, 07:02 PM   #6
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Well obviously I have already put one of mine out there, but here's another:

I have been afraid of relationships nearly my entire life. It's really the *cause* of my tremendous weight gain, but I certainly think of my single status as a sort of 'failure', because I know if I'd just loved *myself* more, my weight wouldn't have mattered to anyone I'd been interested in in the past.

Well, I've come into quite a bit of self-esteem these days, not so much because of how I look, but because I've stuck with this incredibly slow weight loss process for three plus years without ever throwing in the towel. So I've got more confidence, and I know I have more to offer people than I ever gave myself credit for in the past, and I've been making strides toward letting someone else into my life. We're taking baby steps, but I'm optimistic.

(And really, if I can put myself out there in that way, walking into a martial arts studio shouldn't even make me blink.)

Feeling hopeful is such a new thing for me! I kind of like it.
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Old 10-06-2009, 07:08 PM   #7
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Thanks for this helpful post. It is making me think...
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Old 10-06-2009, 07:17 PM   #8
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Wow...I'm not sure. I guess my failure is that I've told myself that I can't or I'm not worthy of things. So I guess I would like to believe that I am worthy of doing the things I've always wanted to do... When I was taking a weight training class in high school, the coach told the whole class "If you say you can't, it means you don't want to." I want to, and I am going to...in every thing I want to accomplish in my life. So, I can...and I am...thanks for this post... its really helpful.
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Old 10-06-2009, 07:29 PM   #9
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I kind of see where you're coming from... I think. One stumbling block for me has always been insecurity about my looks. Lots of reasons for that, but I've come to see that being fat (I used to shy away from calling myself that, but let's face it, that's what I am) served as a kind of shield. I couldn't be the "less pretty" sister, or wife, if I was also the "fat" one. Being fat could then be the problem, not that I wasn't pretty enough, or successful enough, or whatever my insecurity was. My weight became a kind of blanket excuse.

So... I'm not sure if that kind of introspection is what you were thinking of with this post. It did get me to think about why this weight loss is different from, and more successful than, other times I've tried. Lots of support, for sure, but also realizing that I put that weight on in the first place, whether from laziness or neglect, I did it myself, and what the heck was I thinking? By taking the position that "I built the wall, I will be the one to knock it down," I'm taking ownership of all of me. And that's pretty empowering.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:54 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DiverGal View Post
By taking the position that "I built the wall, I will be the one to knock it down," I'm taking ownership of all of me. And that's pretty empowering.
This is really inspiring to read. Thank you so much!
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Old 10-07-2009, 07:39 AM   #11
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I think I will horrify my daughter and take up belly dancing when I get to goal, lol!
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Old 10-07-2009, 03:42 PM   #12
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I am physically unable to have a baby, so that is at the tip top of my list. My list also includes belly dance, hiking the grand canyon, possibly vacationing at a nudist resort, maybe bungee jumping, running a marathon, and letting dh pick me up.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:33 PM   #13
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It's been recently revealed to me that I have agoraphobia, which possibly explains a lot of the "can'ts" I've had in my life.

My most recent can't was driving, but I now have my own car and am having a much easier time with it as it's an automatic (I can drive a stick but it makes me paranoid). I've been exploring the city very slowly in the past couple of days, and I'm hoping that driving will soon be as easy to me as it used to be a few years back, before I was having so many issues.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:55 PM   #14
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I'm working on taking running out of the "fail" file, and would eventually like to take rock climbing out of the "too afraid to try" file
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