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I feel like running and crying....

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Old 10-05-2009, 10:45 AM   #1
Trying so hard....
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Thumbs down I feel like running and crying....

I dont know what else to do, I just really dont.

Ive lost over 100 lbs and feel I am going on a downward spiral.

Monday through Friday I do excellent:

Walking & Jogging=check
Calorie Consumption=check

Saturday & Sunday I do HORRIBLY!

Walking & Jogging=check
Calorie Consumption=check, until night time, then it all goes out the door and I binge like a freaking maniac on crack!

Seriously I just feel so horrible today. So ashamed and defeated, like all my eforts have been flushed down the drain. Guilty, and just sick of myself. Ive tried the self pep talk, Ive tried the journaling, Ive tried the "you know how you are gonna feel tomorrow" thing........its just like I am a drug addict and food is the drug. Why? Even support from people on the weekends online doesnt stop me. I have sooooo much more weight to lose and Im sabatoging myself every damn weekend. Its like a compulsion, like I have OCD or something, that causes me to binge on the weekend, negating all my perfect work I do during the week.

I have gotten great advice and support here before, and each Monday or Tuesday I am stoked and pumped up and ready to concquer the world......do perfectly until Saturday and Sunday and then, well UGH!!!!!!!!!

I just dont know what else to do except keep posting here and begging for advice, and keep on trying and not giving up. I just dont know what else to do.
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Old 10-05-2009, 10:57 AM   #2
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Aw hun, I'm so sorry you feel like that. I understand for sure! Weekends are the hardest part for me too.
But omg 100 lbs that's amazing I'm so jealous!
This food being an addiction thing is rough! I have the same problem, I do great during the day, then 8 o'clock comes around and I want to eat everything, just weekend nights though!
The only thing I could do is make sure I didn't have any food in my kitchen to munch on that I knew I'd regret. I stocked my fridge with veggies that won't make me feel do guilty and stuff that takes PREP time!
If it takes too long to make my brain has time to stop me!
Any food that comes conveniently = bad news for me.
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Old 10-05-2009, 10:59 AM   #3
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There is the quote that I have taped at my office and at my mirror at home (I got it from someone here, I'm just not sure who).

Courage doesn't roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow".

You can't beat yourself up for failure. It happens. Just try again tomorrow and you will notice it will get easier.
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:00 AM   #4
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Maybe you could go some where and be around people during that time.
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:06 AM   #5
I'm listening...
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Mug, I don't know what to say. But I want you to know that you are not alone. I have the same problem, except I'm not a night eater. I have good days and bad days too. (((Hugs)))
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:10 AM   #6
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One or more thoughts happen just before you start to eat. Have you noticed what they are? Pay attention next time. It could be, "I'm hungry now." It could be, "I deserve a treat." It could be, "I've been so good and it's not fair!"

Find out what that thought(s) is, or are. Then you can work to counter those thoughts. For example, "Wait--I'm not really hungry--I ate a big dinner." Or, "I don't deserve a food treat--that's just breaking my diet! I should have a non-food treat." Or, "I've been good and I should continue to be good--fair doesn't matter."

"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Old 10-05-2009, 11:21 AM   #7
Eyes on the Prize
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I agree with JustBecky. You need to replace the negative habit with something else. If you have any sort of hobby, make it something you do on the weekend nights. For me, I need to go through a lot of things in this house and get it decluttered. It's too small to have all the things we have right now. So, if I feel a little weak determination-wise, I plan during the day something to do that night. Set a goal for myself that night - like, by the time I go to bed, I want to have the boxes in the downstairs closet gone through and items boxed and labeled to take to good will. Then, I do not work on it until about an hour after dinner.

A night goal can be set for just about anything that needs to be done or any hobby - you just have to pick something and make yourself start it at a certain time. This is how I broke my night eating habits. Now I rarely think about eating at night, unless I really am hungry.

Good luck to you - I know how it feels!
My Blog: Hot Wings & Other Things

Current Mini-Goal Progress:

1st mini goal: Below 300, Achieved 12/2/2009
2nd mini goal: 279, Achieved 3/15/2010
3rd mini goal: 250 (100 lbs lost)
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:29 AM   #8
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I think it could be there is an emotional reason you are afraid to lose anymore weight.

At least, that was my experience. It took me a year to figure out that I was AFRAID to get under 200 pounds. Excited about it, of course! I wanted it. But in the back of my head, it was all so unfamilar I was started to get anxiety about it. The clothing choices, the attention, the lack of excuses for *not* doing things in my life. I was afraid of things that might happen if I kept losing weight. And my shield was disappearing.

So, I could be way off here, but maybe the next time you get the compulsion, lock yourself in your room or drive to a park or somewhere there is no food and just make yourself feel the feelings. And think about why you MIGHT feel more safe and/or comfortable NOT losing more weight. Once you understand it you can work through it and move forward.
Lost 103 pounds, regained 60+, taking it off again.
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*Never Give Up!*
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:32 AM   #9
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I am sorry you are going through this. I can feel your struggle through you post.

Is there anyway to remove the "bad" food from the house?
Is it early enough to make yourself go outside for a walk or something to keep busy while it passes?
Is there anyone around "physically" that you can talk to at this time, to help you get pass it. Just until you can control it.

I hope it works out for you. Continue doing what you are doing, coming to the boards and receiving all the help it can offer. Hopefully something will snap soon. 100lbs is FABULOUS and you should be proud!
264/184.0/145 80.0lbs GONE!!!
Why?....Because in '10, I CAN
Goal~500miles in 2010...Actual~455.52miles

Began 1/2 Marathon Training 7/27/10

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Old 10-05-2009, 11:52 AM   #10
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No advice - I stay out the kitchen when I'm feeling like that. I' m a similar weight to you and lost nearly the same amount but despite that have felt like binging all weekend. It started when I was out at a dance event for my daughter's dance school - everyone was having cake and making a big thing about how good it was but I couldn't have as I knew I was havign a high calorie meal at my parents' house that evening. On Sunday my husband wouldn't shut up about food and that didn't help at all. It never really seems to get any easer to fight the urge to binge

Do keep trying. Do keep going. You don't lose weight by giving up, only by persisting even when you're not managed to stick to plan. 100lb is an amazing amount of weight to lose (can't wait until I'm there after 5lb more loss). You've already prooved you can lose weight.
By the end of May????

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Old 10-05-2009, 12:04 PM   #11
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Well ... first off ... you have done BEAUTIFULLY with your weight loss, so I sort of feel like who am I to recommend something to someone who is sooooo far ahead of me!

But ... oh well ... here's my ideas:
1. Write a list of positive affirmations specifically regarding the weekend and read them twice a day so your unconscious mind starts to believe them. Make sure they are specific and in the present tense, because that is apparently what your unconscious brain can understand. Possible example, or make up more of your own.

On Saturday, October 10, I am eating 1600 calories in 6 small meals. I am feeling full and satisfied.

Saturday evening, I am enjoying myself watching a movie and having several cups of popcorn.

I love the feeling of the fat shedding off my body.

On Saturday, my final snack is done at 9 p.m. and I have no desire to eat anything further.

2. On weekends, eat very frequently during the day so you are always full and never hungry. Eat super high volume foods.

3. Up your calorie consumption goals on weekends a little so you don't always feel like you're failing. If you have very good control on weekdays, you could maybe "save" a hundred or two calories a day and move them to the weekends so your overall consumption is the same.

4. Do ONE THING on weekends that makes you feel like you're in control -- for example, "Stop eating at 9 p.m." or whatever is a reasonable time for you. Or pick something else that is more meaningful to you. That ONE THING might get you off the downward spiral because, I'm sure you know, it's mostly mental. You will prove to yourself you've got it.

Don't know if any of these things resonates with you, but they have helped me. I'll be thinking of you this weekend! CJ
Keeping the win at my back!

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Old 10-05-2009, 01:32 PM   #12
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First - you've lost 102 lbs and that is AWESOME! You KNOW you can do it, because you've been doing it successfully.

Second - I tend to agree with Lyn2007. It's time to try to figure out the "why" - the reason behind these weekend binges. There's something about being overweight that feels safe to you, or like what you deserve or should be, and until you figure out what that is and start fighting it, you'll continue with this struggle.

Now, one look at my ticker will tell you that I'm not speaking from some exalted position here. This is my struggle too. Not so much that being fat feels safe, but that when I'm down I do something that I call "I hate you" eating. I buy foods that I know better than to buy, and then I eat them without pleasure because in that moment I hate myself and I need to show myself exactly how MUCH I hate myself. So it's all "I hate you a pint of ice cream," or "I hate you a bag of potato chips," or whatever. And yeah, it's exactly as scary and sick as it sounds.
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Old 10-05-2009, 01:58 PM   #13
Escape from my fat suit
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Can you plan activities that are out of the house on Sat. or Sun. evening? Perhaps, you could have some company over by playing games or watching a movie.

Honestly, I think it happens to most of us every once in awhile. Please keep a list of activities you can do when you feel like bingeing on your refrigerator.

Please know that we do understand, many of us have been there.

Last edited by better health3 : 10-05-2009 at 01:59 PM.
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Old 10-05-2009, 01:58 PM   #14
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100lbs! AWESOME You are a true inspiration. You are doing great.

I can totally relate to the food addiction. Don't beat yourself up. Just remember you are doing great, and if you slip up it doesn't mean you are a horrible person. As long as you are doing your best then you are doing great.

I too suffer from bingefests on the weekends... My drug of choice is velveeta cheese dip with ruffles followed by chocolate pie, but I had to give that up

Of course I still miss it, but now I have picante sauce with a few tortilla chips, and strawberries drizzled with chocolate. If I do want to eat on the weekends I try to come up with a healthier alternative.

I'm definitely trying to stop the weekend treats, but it is hard since I've been doing it for the majority of my life...it will take time. In the mean time, I will have smaller and healthier options for those moments of weakness.
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Old 10-05-2009, 02:05 PM   #15
Never want to go back!
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Mug, I remember you struggled with this early on before you found your groove and lost 100 pounds. Do you remember what you did before to stop this pattern?

You are strong enough to stop as you've shown before. I know you can do it again!

Last edited by CLCSC145 : 10-05-2009 at 02:05 PM.
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