Yesterday (or early today) my uncle died. He'd been in hospital, having tests for cancer, then he needed an operation but because he didn't have insurance the hospital demanded an obscene amount of money from his family up front
...which my family couldn't afford.
I really want to go to his funeral but it's in another country and I would be a burden to my relatives there (they've got Big Flooding Problems) and to have an overseas cousin around who'd need looking after...it's not such a good idea. I'm planning to make a trip over there in a few months' time when (hopefully) things are less hectic and I won't be in the way so much.
My aunt, well, I don't know how she's doing, but they were always just so into each other that I can't imagine she's anything other than devastated (whilst holding it together because that's what society expects). They have two teenage boys, not much money at all, and making ends meet is always so tough. I feel guilty because I live in a relatively affluent country and have seemingly wittered away some of my earning years on travel and endless studying when people over there can't get a degree because they have to work. And even now I can't spare any funds for my family because my bills and living costs swallow up everything. I feel helpless and I hate it.
As for the weight loss...I have no idea. I haven't eaten much today, but much of what I have eaten wasn't particularly healthy. The scary thing is that whilst I don't binge - I've never had those urges to eat out the entire kitchen - I just don't care right now. I'm not eating the whole pack of chocolate mint biscuits (I normally let myself have one a day if I want it), but today I had three, just like that. I've planned what I'm eating tomorrow only because someone's coming round for dinner (sms: "I need to cook for someone, so if you want to eat here this weekend, that would be good."). It's not that I'm losing control, more like I'm tossing the reins away. Gah.
I know life does this to you. I know life is an unfair b*tch. I know it doesn't just happen to people who are trying to control their weight. But ffs...why my uncle? He's one of the hardest working people out there, for little pay, and now he's gone his family is in uncertain circumstances. He's one of the kindest men I've ever met. He adores
my aunt, they're such a fantastic couple. I just don't get it. Bleh.
Ok, thanks for letting me moan/rant/emotionally dump here