It's a shield for me, too. I've spoken about this with my therapist. It's like I told her, I know me like this. I know what to expect from other people. I don't know what it feels like to be a normal weight or having people notice me. I got to the point where I didn't want to hear compliments. About 4 mths ago, I lost 78lbs. I've gained 50 of those pounds back. It's weird I feel more comfortable. I'm back to being invisible. I'm in my comfort zone. I also think a part of me didn't want to deal with the pressure of keeping the weight off. I am working on making connections with people. It's hard. I still see myself as being inside of a house with people on the other side and looking at them though a peek hole.
That's EXACTLY how I felt when I lost a lot of weight a few years ago! I had NO idea how to shop for myself, and I think I was even MORE self-concious than I was before. Even though I COULD buy clothes in a "regular" shop, I was terrified to go in because I just KNEW someone was going to give me "the look".
I've thought about it a lot in the years since then and I believe that if I had maintained that weight/size, I would have eventually become accustomed to myself at that weight/size...I just didn't give myself the chance.
Not this time...
Sherry
Last edited by sherrybwc; 10-03-2009 at 11:15 PM.
Reason: typo
I felt uncomfortable when I first began wearing fitted clothes. Before I always wore longer, flowing type pieces and in dark colors. This past Spring I began to wear low-rise jeans and more fitted tops. (Not tight, just fitted to my body) I really love colors now too. I also started wearing shorts. I felt naked almost as I walked down the street--especially when others eyes met me--people that knew me BEFORE. I am becoming comfortable with it though. The compliments and talk and questions have died down quite a bit and I am almost glad for that. I have also met a couple of new friends that didn't know me before. I feel very comfortable around them I have noticed.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 10-03-2009 at 11:49 PM.
I too can relate to many on this thread. I am highly suspicious that I used my weight to unconsciously keep male attention at bay. I am an adult survivor of sexual abuse. But I used, and sometimes still do,food to soothe and calm myself. I'm still working on it.
There was a period on this journey, about 40 lbs down, that I was super panicky. My clothes were no longer fitting and I needed to go shopping but just couldn't actually leave a store with any purchased items. I hated discussing my weight with anyone and I'm sure that I came off as really rude to people. I didn't want any compliments or questions about my weight in any way. It just was not the kind of attention that I wanted. I felt like I was going crazy and super anxious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone
I am becoming comfortable with it though. The compliments and talk and questions have died down quite a bit and I am almost glad for that. I have also met a couple of new friends that didn't know me before. I feel very comfortable around them I have noticed.
Thighs, how long did it take for you for the comments/questions to die down? I'm still not comfortable with all the attention, even though I am an out-going person in general.
Last edited by losermom; 10-04-2009 at 10:16 AM.
Reason: more info
Thank you! I thought I was just a big oddball. I too am struggling. I hated being invisible when I was heavier, (ie when I was with my thinner friends people woudl always address them, even if I participated in the conversation)
but now that I've lost alot of weight, I find that the attention I'm gettig uncomfortable. I've come to the conclusion this is an adjustment phase for others and for myself.
I am actually the opposite. I had/have terrible anxiety issues and along with my weightloss, I am dealing with all my other health issue including the anxiety, so I don't have a lot to add to that part, but I do have some suggestions for feeling a little more secure. Build muscle, and not just lifting weights, but running/walking/biking, etc., anything to make you stronger overall, and faster. Also, look into self-defense courses in your area. Many areas have self-defense classes specifically for women. A lot of times you not only get a great workout, but knowing how to protect yourself should you ever need to goes a very long way to boosting your confidence and self-image.
Thighs, how long did it take for you for the comments/questions to die down? I'm still not comfortable with all the attention, even though I am an out-going person in general.
Every now and again, I see someone I haven't seen in several months or years and they comment. Last Spring the comments were at an all time high--several times daily. Then summer came. When we returned to school, it seemed like people were accustomed to me by then. I have questions and compliments from time to time but nothing like before. I still think many people (especially the haters) assume I had bariatric surgery. I know what you mean about feeling uncomfortable--I was too and somewhat still am. I make a practice NOT to discuss weightloss with anyone--well, except a very, very select couple of friends that are very focused on it. I find a way to "get out of" discussing my plan or whatever--I don't want the comments.
That being said, I have had a couple people that I really like ask me specifics--and they themselves have serious weight issues. Now, with those people (if they approach me alone) I tell them anything they want to know. I have even offered to let them read through my food journals and offered to let them come to my house to look at my food.
I have felt uncomfortable with more attention. I didn't gain weight to build a shield, but since I had it anyway, I used it . Those problems pre-date my obesity problem. At some point, you realize you don't want to be that person anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by better health3
Does the oddness or anxiety go away as you slim down? Did you find anything to make it easier when people moved into your personal space that used to be covered by the fat?
I think the key is practice. I just recognize that of course it will feel uncomfortable at first. Of course, sometimes it won't go great. But I believed that if I just refused to let myself hide out, those feeling would start to change. I would start to get used to things. And you do.
So...I guess after reading all these posts you realize you aren't crazy when you feel the fat is protecting you from something!
Maybe if we can face life and learn to deal with it successfully, we won't need this anymore. If you need help, what about a counseling or a weight loss group like OA?
Now that I'm old and those expectations and male attentions aren't out there I feel this relief, like I can finally shed the protection and feel safe. Don't wait like I did.
I've been living away from home for almost a year, and I've lost 95% of the weight I've lost since I've been gone. I'm headed home in 8 weeks, and I am really, really anxious about it. I've been big for as long as I can remember, and while I don't really see the changes, I know intellectually that I'm considerably smaller now.
When I was heavier, it was never a big issue for me. I did all the things I wanted to do, I dated, I was active and healthy, I had lots of confidence and friends... but now I'm worried that the changes to my outwards appearance are going to be the focus, and I'm really uncomfortable with that. I just want to go home and be the same person I was when I left, but in a cuter pair of jeans! In my head, I know it's silly, but it's a big change and I'm concerned it'll be a big shock to the system when I get back.
Of course, I'm going home to Canada in winter.... with all the sweaters and coats, maybe no one will notice until spring? lol
. Those problems pre-date my obesity problem. At some point, you realize you don't want to be that person anymore. 
