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Anyone else with this problem?

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Old 10-02-2009, 05:44 PM   #1
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Default Anyone else with this problem?

Ok, there is no way to sugar coat so here it goes.....my husband won't have sex with me because of my weight. Yeah, I do have just over 100 I need to lose and I am going to do it because and only because I want to do it for me. He's never been really sexual and I have a much much stronger desire for sex than he does. In all honesty it has been a turbulous marriage at times, just not getting along in general and I do know that these difficulties have certainly played a part in my weight. So that is how he feels, oh well. Anyone else with this problem? Thx!!
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:16 PM   #2
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Has your hubby actually came out and said that to you? Or are you just speculating?

I'm not asking this to be mean or anything, I'm just curious because it might be in your head. I too, have a higher desire for sex than my husband and at times I get paranoid thinking that he just can't bare to look at me because of my weight. He has never said anything of the sort to me, and when I ask him he just says he is not in the mood. With all my friends, I'm the only one who has a husband who wants it less than I do. I feel like an outcast

But I just keep telling myself that it's all in my head and I keep plugging forward with my workouts.

I dunno if my reply was any help, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone!
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Old 10-02-2009, 09:54 PM   #3
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That's a rotten feeling. My husband didn't like dtd when I was in the last few months of pregnancy. It was so hard to go months feeling like that. It's better now, but I know that he would prefer if I lost a little. He actually prefers women with a little weight on.

I'm sorry that your husband feels that way. That would be the kind of problem that I would go to counseling over. It could be that there are other reasons that he doesn't want to do it. He could be depressed or have medical issues that you don't know about.
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:11 PM   #4
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I also would want to know if he's said this outright, because that might be a different problem than if you are picking up on signals. I only say this because I have some personal experience with a critical husband (he's now an ex) and he would say things about my weight to distance himself for reasons of his own. It's definitely something you need to talk about if he hasn't said anything, and if he has, it's still important to clear the air a bit about what he really means.

For what it's worth, a man having a problem with a woman's weight, sexually, doesn't necessarily mean he has a problem with you. My husband now has always been very supportive and loving, even when I was at my heaviest. Now that I've lost nearly 70 lbs, though, he's fessed up that sex is better now, for a few mechanical reasons. After all, that was 70 more pounds, almost a whole 'nother adult, on top of him sometimes, or getting between us.

Maybe your husband is just a communicative sort, and let it slip?

Last edited by DiverGal : 10-02-2009 at 11:13 PM. Reason: tweaking a thought
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:28 AM   #5
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I've been feeling the exact same way lately.
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Old 10-03-2009, 11:53 AM   #6
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Did he come out and say that or is that the reason you think he won't have sex with you? Esp since you have said he's never really been sexual.

I have a feeling it's more of your self esteem and I have lots to say on the subject but I'll hold off to not overwhelm you
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