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It cant be a lifestyle change unless you change your life. Right?

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Old 09-28-2009, 09:10 AM   #1
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Default It cant be a lifestyle change unless you change your life. Right?

At least that's what I believe.

The beginning of August 2009 was the beginning of my lifestyle change. I knew I couldn't do everything at once so I just focused on getting the eating right then the beginning of September I added in some exercise. Now its the end of September and I've got the eating part down, I'm still working on getting better at the exercise part but I do get some exercise in every day.

Recently, I've been looking at the rest of my life. My relationships with my family could be better, My house could be cleaner, I could be more organized, I could be more dependable, these are just a few things off the top of my head.


I'm really unhappy with the way I have let my house go. I used to care about the way it looked but since I've gained weight I just didn't have the energy to take care of it and my family too. I did good to take my daughter to school, help her with her homework, and cook supper, which I half-assed did by the way. I was pretty depressed and I know I still am, I'm just not as depressed as I once was.

One of the problems I have now is my hubby and my daughter (who's 8) have gotten so used to everything being such a mess that they contribute to it and they don't care about it either. Yesterday I watched my daughter pick up a small piece of trash off the floor that the dog was playing with and instead of throwing it away, she tossed it up in the air and watched it fall back down.
I made her clean up her bathroom yesterday, I went behind her to make sure it was clean. There was toothpaste on the faucet that has probably been there for a while. I wiped it off and noticed the toothpaste stained the faucet. It's an expensive faucet too! Our house is only 4 years old. Later on in the day I went in there and she had the bathroom a mess again, clothes on the floor, toothpaste in the sink and trash on the floor.
This is typical behavior of hers. She learned this behavior because while I was busy being depressed about being heavy, she was allowed to get away with not cleaning up after herself.

This is going to change. I cant deal with it anymore. How can I begin to change it? I don't really know right now, but it is going to change. Suggestions would be nice.

Then there is my husband who doesn't do anything but watch tv when he's not working. We do have a deal that he works and takes the trash & recycling out, and takes care of all the budgeting and bills, that is his job. But he used to help if I asked him for help. But since I got depressed and heavier and I quit doing my job, he quit helping. Bless his heart, he still does his other jobs religiously, despite the fact that I quit doing mine.

He does make messes but they're little messes. He's not very high maintenance like my daughter is and I think once I start doing my job again he will start helping me more.

I'm probably the worst person in the world when it comes to being organized, I also procrastinate about procrastinating. I'm horrible with time management and I'm always late and busting *** to get there or just in the nick of time to any thing I do. I have ADD and it's so hard to stay focused sometimes. I try really hard to but then the next thing I know I have stopped what I was doing and have started doing something else or not doing anything at all before I even realize it. I don't take medication for it because I hate those side effects medicines. I basically just deal with it.
I also have Graves Disease which causes all sorts of ailments. I hate that too. But I have to deal with it.

I really don't know how to change any of these issues right now, I know I need to make a plan. Planning is essential! Any of your suggestions about anything would be appreciated.

On a more positive note, I weighed this morning and I'm down another pound and a half. But I saw 249 flicker on the scale for a second which probably means I'll be at 249 real soon. I cant wait till I can say goodbye to the 250's!
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:48 AM   #2
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Hey, I am so glad you posted this. I think it's something many people go through. It sounds like you are seriously ready to make a major change in your life--a shift towards a healthier, more productive and even more meaningful life.

There is a website called FlyLady. When my kids were young I was signed up. Throughout the day the website would send emails on what to clean up. I swear it worked. I couldn't always do it immediately (I was out or what not) but it helped. One of the things she emphasizes is not worrying about everything being perfect. Just simply running the vacuum through the center is better than not vacuuming at all. She also asks you to identify your "hot spot" areas that need to be dealt with frequently--places like the kitchen sink area, the bottom of the stairs, a frequently used bathroom, etc. By identifying and focusing on the worst areas, you can be mindful to check those places frequently so they don't "pile" up and bring you DOWN!

How old is your daughter? Maybe you could just sit down with her and explain what you are trying to do. Maybe she will be more mindful too. Or else, call a family meeting and discuss it with hubby and daughter at the same time.

I would strongly, strongly recommend DECLUTTERING! This is a gift I have given myself and I adore it. I have gotten rid of tons of items I just didn't need or didn't use. Forget hanging onto things because "so and so" gave it to you. Forget hanging onto things because, "I paid a lot for it." If it isn't going to contribute to your NEW, WONDERFUL LIFE then GOODBYE it goes!

Congrats on your loss. When I first began, cleaning house became one of my pastimes. It got me off the couch and I just felt SO much better having things straightened up.

eta: Flylady website was free when I did it. Hopefully, it still is!

eta: Another thing--make things as EASY as you can. I like the Windex wipes for QUICK CLEANING. I also LOVE Lysol wipes or the Clorox clean ups. I fought it for years because I only wanted to use organic cleaners and because of cost. Now, I think they are actually a BARGAIN. I have learned that if I have the wipes on countertops I am way more likely to stop and wipe down a counter when I am on the run--or wipe the mirrors and faucets (yep, windex is good on those too) in a bathroom I happen to be in.

Last edited by Thighs Be Gone : 09-28-2009 at 10:05 AM.
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:16 AM   #3
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hiya!
i dont really have a whole lot of advice, but i just wanted to say that i am exactly where you are right now. i had let the same things happen in my home. my son is only two so its gonna be alot easier to get him out of the habit, but i really feel i could have written your post.

what i have started to do is every morning i write a to do list. i started with only 2 things on the list. first was to work out. second was usually to wash the floor in ds play room. i didnt feel overwhelmed by that, and washing the floor usually ment putting the toys away too, so that got done. then i added another to the list and then another. so now i'm at 6 things on the list and the house is getting more and more in shape.
maybe of you write a list of chores for your daughter? nothing major, just things like if she makes a mess, tidy it and keep her room and bathroom clean. try a star chart, and every day her room and bathroom stay clean she gets a star, when she has 5, she gets a small treat. 10, a bigger one, and 20 maybe a day out with the family or something. a friend of mine is doing it with her 7 year old and it seems to be working wonders.

i hope someone else has some better advice for you, but i just wanted to let you know that you arent alone in feeling like this! also, huge huge huge congrats on the pound and a half! thats really great!!!
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:23 AM   #4
I'm on a Low Crap Diet
 
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Thanks, those are some great tips. Especially about the wipes.

I actually signed up for Flylady a few years ago in a desperate attempt to clean my house but I just don't think I was ready or in the right frame of mind to deal with it. I'll try it out again and see how I do with it this time.

I really am just sick and tired of this old lifestyle dragging me down. We cant even seem to get any nice things because they get ruined. I WANT NICE THINGS DANGIT! I had strongly considered hiring a professional organizer but we really cant afford it right now. The other thing is I really think it would be just a bandaid, I think I should learn how to deal with this myself.
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:41 AM   #5
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I think that it is great that you are working on taking charge in all aspects of your life... this new lifestyle is about so much more than losing weight. You've got the right idea!
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:50 AM   #6
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Flylady also gives you strategies for flykids! Perfect for your situation, I do believe.

Remember to keep taking small steps. I always used to try to quit smoking, eat right, exercise, transform into a neat-freak, and nine other hefty tasks all at one time. This time around I quit smoking first, got my eating under control next, then started exercising, and periodically throughout, I've just tried to be better about my housecleaning here and there. Eventually I'll get it all together at the same time. I won't be perfect, but I'll be better. And better is what we're aiming for.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 09-28-2009, 10:55 AM   #7
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Hey...also wanted to mention...it helps me to get some light and air in the house...can you open to blinds and pull them up all the way??? if not, turn on some lights in the house...that makes me feel better too...also, if you can and weather permitting open your windows and doors and let the outdoors IN...sometimes just doing that lifts me out of the dungeon
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Old 09-28-2009, 11:35 AM   #8
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My sister got into Flylady when her children were younger and had something she wanted from that website on her Christmas list so I checked it out, even though I'm single and childless cause I always like finding ways to do anything better. One thing I picked up from that website was putting on tie on shoes first thing in the morning. That one habit changed my day! I don't do it all the time (I prefer not wearing shoes in the house), but if I feel myself getting slothful just lacing up my athletic shoes gives me an energy burst and stops me from curling up under the afghan with a book instead of getting the housework done.
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Old 09-28-2009, 11:48 AM   #9
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I'm all about the "don't go crazy all at once" mentality, as it more than likely will lead to failure-- same with weightloss, we don't expect to lose 100 lbs overnight, neither can we expect huge sweeping (heh) changes in our housekeeping abilities. I say PLAN! The same with your food for the day, plan your activities - use housecleaning as a form of exercise, that's what I do! if you go at it hardcore (speedy wheels I call it LOL) you can really work up a sweat, especially if there are stairs involved! Maybe until you can get things into a routine, you can use the major clean up as your exercise for the next while -- make a list of your most important spots you want cleaned, see how much you can do in an hour, and plan the rest! Make a few bins for "throw away" "donate" and "Keep" just so you know what's what, and go full out!
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Old 09-28-2009, 11:51 AM   #10
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Gosh.. did I write that?

I did flylady last year... when I was taking control of myself and my life then.. and it did work.. This time I haven't been able to get on the ball with it all. I do love flylady and need to get moving with her plan again. In fact last week I set her emails to individual instead of daily digest.... maybe today I should go read what she sent and find my timer and set it for 15 minutes.

One thing I can not do though is put shoes on in the morning... but I did find that getting a shower and dressed first thing in the morning after I exercised did put me into the straighten up the house mode.
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Old 09-28-2009, 02:52 PM   #11
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You've gotten lots of good suggestions on this thread, and I just wanted to toss out one more. Your daughter may not really recognize what a clean bathroom looks like. If you've been struggling with depression than she may not realize that tossing trash around is disrespectful of your home, that sort of thing. She just needs to be taught a new way of looking at things. So when you tell her to clean her bathroom, instead of going behind her and fixing/finishing the job, maybe go through it with her and show her - this needs to be wiped down too, etc. She probably doesn't even notice those toothpaste spatters on the mirror. At her age she'll probably be excited to help after she learns what it is you expect of her.
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Old 09-28-2009, 03:32 PM   #12
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Matafleur is right, I think.

I have a nine year old daughter--so I know what you are talking about!

She has a job to clean the bathroom, too, but I have to tell her each and every step. It's also best if I inspect her efforts after she's completed each step so she can fix it without getting overwhelmed.

Sit down and speak to both your hubby and daughter. Tell them you'd like to have a better home environment, and ask them what ONE thing each of them will do to make sure it is better this week.

That's one way to do it. The other is to simply pick one thing. (Mine is the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher, so they can really pile up when I'm in neglectful mode.) My goal is to have everything washed up by bed-time. That usually involves doing them 4x a day.

You have to train the children in what you expect. Spell it out for them. Even write out the steps if you want to keep it "neutral."

So, here's ours, for example:

Pick up all the clothes and put them in the hamper.
Squirt the tub with cleanser. Let it sit for a minute.
Flush the toilet and put in cleaner. Let it sit for a bit.
Pick up bathmat carefully. Go and shake it outside.
Sweep the floor.
Wipe out the tub.
Wipe out the sink.
Use the cloth and wipe the toilet. Start at the top of the tank, the handle, the porcelain part of the seat. Refold the cloth to a new part and wipe the outside, sides and bottom. Put the cloth in the hamper.
Take the toilet brush and scrub the inside of the bowl.
Flush.
Get some paper towels and windex the mirror.
Remove everything on the floor from the bathroom: Toilet brush, Plunger, Trashcan and stool.
Empty trash.
Wash the floor.
Come and see me.

I really like Flylady, but for many reasons her method stopped working for me. I use the Motivated Moms housekeeping List, now and I really like it. Look under products.
http://www.motivatedmoms.com/
It's 1/2 off now, too!
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Old 09-28-2009, 03:55 PM   #13
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Flylady is great. I started with that about 7 years ago, maybe 8, I can't remember. I never could stand that many emails, took too much time to check them, but what I did was just read through the site... all the info is there for getting started, and I just picked and chose what seemed helpful to me. Sounds like it would be a good match for you right now, since it is also a program of "one step at a time". Best of luck to you!
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