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I am feeling weary...

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Old 09-24-2009, 07:37 AM   #1
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Default I am feeling weary...

But, I know I must push on towards health.

I guess I woke up having a 'pity party'. I feel weary of facing foods that are hard to resist, trying to do what it takes to be healthy (food, exercise, etc), measuring, thinking about what I can and can't eat, staying away from trigger foods and all the rest.

I am 57 years young and have been fighting this battle for 50 years. Sometimes I feel weary of trying to make it happen. I am proud that I recovered from bulimia (33 years ago since). I even did that on my own - heck people didn't even talk about in the sixties. But, I still can't seem to get that food thing right in my head.

Yesterday was a healthy day until the evening. I had a gathering at my house. I put out a huge bowl of strawberries. My friend brought things including brownies. I resisted the brownies - but, it was all that I could think about all evening - the brownies. I ate my strawberries and resisted the brownies. But, I was so, so stressed out from NOT eating the brownies that I overate when she left. It was like a was shaking - waiting for a food fix. Good grief.

To you young people. NOW is your time - you don't want to be my age and still wondering how to make it happen.

Yes, I've had patches of food sanity, lost many pounds recently - but, gained some of it back (although my ticker is accurate) when I injured my foot, got sick with anemia, and DH was laid off.

I will push on and keep trying. But, sometimes I feel weary of it all.
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Last edited by Beverlyjoy : 09-24-2009 at 07:55 AM.
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Old 09-24-2009, 08:51 AM   #2
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I wish that I had wonderful words of wisdom but I don't so I am sending hugs your way. Hang in there.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:12 AM   #3
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I feel that way too sometimes, and I'm sure that people with drug or alcohol additctions feel the same way on a daily basis. I feel like I have to look at eating as a necessity, not as something that I can take pleasure from. Where a drug or alcohol addict can walk away and choose not to be around drugs or alcohol, food is always around. I have changed my thinking to note that I am addicted, not to food, but to overeating. It's very daunting to think about battling that addiction for the rest of my life. I really do have to break it down into "just for today" and not think about it too much. I hope that you're feeling better about things today. Don't beat yourself up, just move on
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:14 AM   #4
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I'm struggling myself when in similar situations - what to do when there is temptation? and I'm really not sure whether the answer is to completely resist, all the time - or to allow myself to have some of the "forbidden" food without feeling guilty about it. I'm just really not sure what would work better in the long run (like most people here, I'm not interested in just a quick fix).

At the moment, I'm leaning towards allowing myself treats - in particular when they are right under my nose! To completely resist, all the time, feels like I'm being cruel to myself somehow. I'll have to see how that works for me, though. If I see that weight loss is stalled, I'll have to rethink this...

Beverly, do you think that eating one brownie would have helped you not overeat later - or would it have been a slippery slope kind of thing?
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:30 AM   #5
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Thanks, everyone.

Naana - yes, I suppose I could have eaten a brownie. I didn't want to go over my calories for the day. It probably been better if I had. It might have been a trigger, too. I am not sure. I do have treats very often - but, usually I plan for them.

As the day progresses and I am back to my healthy plan - I am feeling a bit better. I guess I wish I wasn't an overeating addict. I will never give up trying and being grateful for patches of sane, healthful eating.
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:32 AM   #6
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Hugs to you!! I totally relate to the weariness and stress of always having to resist, plan, and make smart choices. Congratulations on your successes and know you're not alone We constantly have lunches, pastries and cookies, etc. at work and it's so hard to pass by these temptations all day long and the stress... it's so hard!
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Old 09-24-2009, 09:35 AM   #7
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Hugs, hugs, hugs......I've been there. And done the same thing. And it feels so stupid to have resisted one thing, just to succumb to something else not nearly as good. There was a study on willpower (and I can't remember the link) that gave the psychological reasons for doing just what we have done.
So, dang, I guess we're human (to steal someone's tagline).

Sometimes when I am feeling weary, what I really am is restless. Then I know it's time to change something. New exercise routine, new recipes, new hobby or class or support group or something.
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Old 09-24-2009, 10:35 AM   #8
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I was a big time candy junkie since age 11 (I will be 50 next month) Finally, finally, quit eating candy entirely in April 2005. But crave it nearly every day still and can think of almost nothing else for hours after just seeing candy in one of those lucite box displays.

This week I caught one of the Dr. Oz shows and there was a woman with a candy habit that he had a plan to stop her "addcition" in 28 days. Yeah right. I may have stopped eating it, but the addiction lingers.
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Old 09-24-2009, 03:39 PM   #9
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I quit smoking a year ago this October. The other day, my mother was over and had a cigarette. I looked over at it and actually thought, "I wonder what that would taste like?" and for a brief flash, I wanted one again.

But it was just a brief flash--and the desire is truly no longer there at all. I'm proud of being smoke-free after a 20+ year habit.

But in the beginning? I asked my mom to smoke outside. She actually wouldn't stay long when she visited because it's cold outside, here.

It is your house. You get to say what people bring into it, don't you? The next time you have a little get together can you ask your friends, individually and gently, not to bring sweets? Maybe organize the appetizers around a theme, like "fruit night" or something.

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Old 09-24-2009, 04:25 PM   #10
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!!! Warm hugs from a fellow ex-bulimic !

I really like Alana's suggestion... tell friends to bring healthier snacks (or that you're providing the food) when they come over. I hadn't thought of it and will try it too!

I hear that giving yourself permission to have ONE bite, one slice, one scoop etc is a good thing, especially if you've tried not to think about it but it's driving you crazy. Finding the balance is tough! I struggle with it sometimes more than other times. Right now I'm in a similar boat as you so your post really spoke to me.

BUT, we're all here and it's great we can share our misery and triumphs with one another. Hang in there, Beverly... you're doing great!
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Old 09-24-2009, 05:48 PM   #11
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hi beverly, i don't have any wisdom for you, but can i just say as someone who is new around here you're so inspiring to me - you've lost 40lb!! don't forget how much of an achievement that is.

i've just started on my mission and i'm not sure if this works for everyone, but if i'm feeling like overreating after dinner - i do something that takes my mind off it. i physically remove myself from the kitchen and i go and de-clutter something - like my jewellry collection, christmas decorations, sock drawer, whatever. i work on it until it's super neat, organised and clean. i find it kind of kicks me out of my urge. i am a neat freak and this appeals to my need for order. i'm not sure if this would work for everyone, but i feel like if i keep the environment around me super organised it seems to help other parts of my life stay on track.

best wishes.
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Old 09-24-2009, 11:39 PM   #12
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*mega hugs* I think we all get weary one time or another. You are doing SO WELL and if you never lose another pound you have done so much already for your health. *more hugs*
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Old 09-25-2009, 07:36 AM   #13
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I hope today brings you a bit more sunshine in your heart !!!!
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Old 09-25-2009, 08:46 AM   #14
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Beverly, I understand. Keep going, girlfriend. You are so worth it.
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Old 09-25-2009, 08:50 AM   #15
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Thanks so each and everyone of you for helping me when I was feeling so, so down and frustrated. It helps to have people understand and care about my/our life long struggle of living with food in a healthy manner.

Every day is a brand new day with all the possibilities that come with a new day.

I will keep on trying. Thanks again. Hugs to you all.
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I can't lose 100 pounds....but, just maybe I can lose five pounds twenty times.
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