Hello!!! Great question! I don't mean to be a buzzkill on this thread but here goes....
So I am currently battling with drug and alcohol addiction (actually 5 months sober on the 17th!!!) and recovery has made me take a good hard look at my life, my thinking patterns, my choices. And what I am realizing is that I AM AN ADDICT!
I don't do ANYTHING "just a little bit!" I have examined my life, my eating, my gambling, my sexual habits, all of it and it's like, wow! How did I not realize this!?
So what I am realizing is kind of existential, not so much diet focused but here goes.
I had a big fat void in my life, I was always looking for something MORE, something better, so I filled that void with food, pills, alcohol, well, a lot of things. Now I realize that some of that void was the lack of spirituality in my life. I am changing a lot on that front, going to church, getting in touch with that side of me. But I don't want to go too far down that road, I know religious discussions can get controversial.
But the big AHA realization for me...is that perfectionist attitude. Setting standards too high and feeling like a failure, hating myself, low self esteem, anger, sadness, drove me to medicate all those bad feelings. And with some counselling (and THIS was a huge revelation to me! I never, ever put this to a concrete thought until I met my current counsellor) I realized that my mom always held a resentment against me for having me so young (17) so she never went to college, never got a great job, etc...so she did that pageant mom thing, driving me to be the best, the smartest, whatever. So I set those standards to unattainable. So when I didnt reach those standards, I was a failure and, well, medicated. Here I am, all 250 pounds of me.
Was that too heavy for a light thread?
My life is so good today though! I LOVE LOVE LOVE going to AA. I love it. I love exploring the psyche, love getting in touch with my spiritual side. And in doing so, I've been walking in the woods to think, eating healthily, trying to get well in body, mind, spirit, and it's like, HEY. I think I finally got it. So I feel pretty confident that I will lose the weight this time. Because I am doing it the right way, because I'm not using a crutch if I don't make, because I don't have to have it NOW (<---the addict is all about the instant gratification!) Because I don't have to be alone, because my higher power wants me to be the best me I can be, because He forgives me for my past, because today I have the right people, places and things in place.
Holy crap, where did all that come from? LOL Thanks for letting me share. xo Michelle