Random thought...
 

I just finished posting a reply to the XX Rated post. It really had me thinking for a bit. When Matt mentioned reading other peoples facial expressions as they walked past him it really hit home. I am horrible about this. I assume that everyone is thinking how overweight I am, how lazy I must be, how ugly I am, etc. I am sure the list could go on and on. I never pay attention to someone's appearance on the street so why do I assume someone else is looking at me like that? I am sure that SOME are, but why do I think EVERYONE is?

I don't think I have always been this way. I honestly don't think it started until I went into the 200's. I don't know what made me start feeling this way. I use to always make eye contact with whoever passed me on the street, but now I look at my feet. It is like I have lost all confidence in myself. How can you lose your personality, self worth, and confidence by gaining weight? I don't know but I know that I have.

With each pound that I have lost I gain a little bit of "me" back.

I know exactly how what you mean.... I feel the same way.

I have the same problem and I think it has gotten to the point where people think that I am stuck up or judging them because I don't want to talk to anyone or make eye contact. My husband has to tell people all the the time that I'm 'shy' so they won't think that I'm rude or stuck up!

I'm looking forward to feeling comfortable around others because I'll feel like I'm included and not being constantly judged because of my weight.

I know what you mean. :) You are a very pretty woman and I would guess that is a lot of what people are looking at, but we would prefer to think the negative because we feel that way about the weight. :dizzy:

Sadly, I did this when I was in the 160's too, but it's gotten worse since I went into the 200's. I think working on having a positive attitude about yourself is as important as dieting itself - so it should be worked into the plan. Haha - which is WAY easier said than done. In either case {insert project I <3 me!} ... and begin! :hug:

Often it only takes one or two people who you trust, or who are supposed to love you to really screw up your head. My sister and brother were very overweight when I grew up (I was rather thin). My mother was also obese.

My father constantly harassed and punished them for their weight. He hated my mother because she was not small and dainty (why he married her is the stuff of ledgend). He constantly degraded and mocked anyone overweight. Even the last time I saw him...

He was in his 70's. We were walking on a beach on the gulf of Mexico. A very overweight woman was sitting by herself in a black one-piece. I didn't even pay any attention to her. I mean, she was ust a tourist, possibly a secretary, or a store clerk who got some time off and was enoying the pretty view and the lovely day.

So, we are walking by and my father says (very loud) "look at the whale!"

I could have punched him out. What nerve! What a pathetic low life! And yet, he is just like all the other shallow looks oriented people who somehow are the rudest and loudest.

He didn't realize how much I hated him for the abuse and **** he gave my mother, sister, and brother.

Did he think it was his duity to communicate society's disregard for overweight people?


Most people don't really "look" at you all that hard, I have learned. I know the guy with a green mohawk from the dog park, and say hey. The mohawk changes color occasionally-- blue one week, pink.

Truthfully, if he did not have the mohawk, I would not be able to find him, and I'd probably never think of him again.

I did this when I was at my heaviest... but I can honestly tell you that I look "average" now and only really turn heads because of my funky chest tattoo and my boobs... I have a great rack ;) lol!

I'm an outgoing person, so walking thru the neighbourhood i always say "good morning" and I always get one back, and now they're doing it first, it's great! it's not just a fat person thing - so many people nowadays are shut up in their own little world and never smile or say HI to anyone! geez! I stop and pet a few dogs, a few little pleasantries here and there, a fun start to the day! I never assume anyone's looking at me or thinking this or that - I'm interesting but I'm not THAT interesting that people are spending their free time thinking about ME lol

I don't think you lose anything... I think it just gets hidden under the layers. I know it's that way for me. Each pound I lose is like shedding another layer, learning a bit more about myself. I think a lot of us build up this wall around us until we quite literally can't see anything else. It will take time but you'll get back to your happy place. Just keep focusing on the day to day goals!

I was hyper self conscious when I was younger and now I have a daughter who is the same way.

I thought that my self-consciousness was due to my weight (even though I was normal weight) My daughter thinks people stare at other things, like her "weird hair" and she is happy with her body, even though she's built about like I was at her age.

Now I think that the feelings of inadequacy may trigger the weight problems, not visa versa... at least I think that was true in my case.

I agree with what the others said-- I bet you look great right now!

When we do that, think about what others are thinking about us, for them, I think its really just a relfection of how we precieve ourselves. Yeah, some people are probably just thinking "She's SOOO fat," when they see me, and it is, in general, used as a common refrence for my discription, but I can't fault them for either. I am fat. And since I've started here and dieting/exercising I still get those thoughts too but *I* KNOW what I'm doing to make myself better and to me, its all that matters right now!!
Besides, girl, you look Smokin' Hot now anyways, so breath, relax and strut your inner diva.

I just made a post about how I went to the gym for the first time today. I had avoided it for these reasons. I did not want to have everyone looking at me at the gym and wondering what the fat girl was doing there.

When we are out places my husband will tell me someone who looked at me is "checking you out", but I wonder. And since he is so thin and fit looking I always think they are wondering what he's doing with such a lard butt. I'm getting better, but it's still there.

I only look down at my feet, too.

There was some magazine mocking celebrities with the worst beach bodies -- there was one I was surprised at -- she had been a model and a newspresenter at one time and now was "a whale" at 180 (and me, praying for 180). But what struck me was the change her face and it made me wonder about how my face had changed -- I don't see it, but I realized my girls have never seen me below my current weight and most of their lives I've been above 320 lbs. It has been 18 years since I was close to 200 lbs and 23 since I was "normal" (160). Makes me wonder what I "really" look like.

Any way, random thought..

I totally feel like I am reading something I would post myself! I was overweight my whole life... made fun of ALOT as a kid for being heavy... oddly enough I wasn't the largest kid in my class... but for some reason the kids insisted I was and would say I was larger than the other kids who were bigger. Definately took a major toll on my self-esteem. I had lost weight in college, 70lbs.. and once I reached a size 12.. a size I hadnt seen since the 6th grade... it was amazing to me. I went from staring at the ground, wondering what the world thought of me to a confident young woman who didnt care what anyone thought (for the most part anyway)... of course I was still nervous that men would find me fat cause of the boys teasing me as a kid... and at times I would forget I lost the weight I did... but overall losing that weight brought on a whole new person.. the person i always wanted to be! Sadly.. due to my pregnancy with my 15 mo old son... I gained everyting back plus some (bedrest + all the crazy meds I was on...) and its very hard to deal with. I have 100lbs to lose to get to an ideal weight for me and I am noticing that I am acting like the old me.. the kid version of me... rather than the confident young woman I once was. And I know its my weight... without a doubt.

I am sure you will get it back soon! You seem to have been doing a great job on your weight loss and from what I can tell in your picture, you are a beautiful woman and have no reason to really feel that way! But it is understandable... until we see the person we want to see, its hard to see ourselves as beautiful... at least thats the case for me.

Hm. No, I've never thought of people's attitudes to me showing on their faces, I've always just felt invisible.