This afternoon I went for my first session with the personal trainer. He had me doing all this weird stuff on balls, half-balls, with balls and with dumbbells in front of this enormous mirror.

It's to check your posture, he said.

I grimaced and looked at myself.

Dangit, my arms are disgusting. My upper arms have stretchmarks. And when I sit on that ball, my saddlebags just ruin the picture even more (not that they're pretty when I'm standing up, mind). For a brief and all-too-fleeting moment I pictured the line of my arms and thighs without the extra blubber that would stand me in good stead in the North Atlantic...and then PUFF there I was again, a beached whale trying to do weird things with a 2kg ball whilst trying to keep my balance on a ball-type thing.

And hip/thigh fat is the last to go, isn't it? Being womanly and evolution being convinced that I need padding to successfully give birth. News flash, evolution: the guys have moved on. The thigh fat is a turn-off, not just to them, but to me. Get with the freakin' program.

Trying to see it positively, however...I guess it's an nsv that I've now started with a personal trainer. Which doesn't do much to erase that awful image from my mind, but all right.

Ok, that was my brain dump/whinge for the day. Back to your regular scheduled programming

Oh boy, if we would have only known what we know now when we were sitting in line at Mickey D's!

Keep up the great work.

Happy to be of amusing service, I guess!

those mirrors can be tough at first, I still have blech moments when I look up and see myself. But when I'm checking my form doing the lat pulls, I get a kick out of seeing the better shape my body is in now. much better shape.

PS I suffer over my upper arms and my thighs too. I carry a lot of weight in my legs. It sucks, but we're working on it.

Hi ANC!
To be honest, it wasn't that bad. Of the PTs at my gym, he's the one who "specialises" in helping people lose weight, so I'm sure he's seen it all before. He was definitely really positive about me starting working with him, for instance, when I told him about my fitness goals and the way I'm trying to improve my diet, he was very supportive.

Everyone else at the gym when I was there were middle-aged ladies and gents. Who, whilst wrinklier, were still in better thigh-shape than me!

My PT is one of two or three who are "attached" to my gym - but they're freelancers, so they probably work at other gyms too. When I signed up there I already had PT'ing in mind, because I've been at gyms before, but am too good at making excuses about going to work out. I reasoned that if there were someone else - someone I'm paying and who thus won't accept my excuses - waiting for me to get there, then I would indeed have to get my sorry behind down there.

I bought a "triple pack": a package of three meetings to try it out. There's a nifty deal that if you get those done and work out another four times within a certain amount of time (something like four weeks!), you get the cost of the triple pack back as credits on your gym card, which you can use on things like time on the sunbeds

The exercises seemed to be focussed on posture, balance and strength. We're meeting again this coming Friday and Monday next week, and then we'll talk about *gulp* the options for carrying on. But I'm already pretty sure I want to, because this 1-2-1 contact with a pro is something I want to take advantage of. I don't know what the financial commitment is going to be, but I expect it'll be quite hefty - to me that's an incentive to invest in myself (gosh, doesn't that sound like management faff-speak!), something I haven't done for much too long.

I really hope that my PT sessions, along with weight training and running, combined with my changed diet, will give me a sparkly new gorgeous body My main problem will be patience. As in I have none *snort*

Going for a shower in my house is TORMENT for me, because there's a great big whopping mirror in the bathroom! Arrgh!

Getting used to it though....slooooooowly arrgh

Oh btw, do you remember me mentioning filling up my time with good activities, partly to reduce my "Nothing else to do but sit on the coach and pig out" time? I joined a choir last week and am enjoying it very much! (well, not that it's full of Irish people drinking, but the smiley is meant to convey the yay-ness of finding something I really enjoy doing )

I walk home and take my shower, ha! it's only about 5 short blocks (NYC, we have short and long blocks)

that's very cool about the choir. I love to sing. I was hymning it up on Sunday at church, and the lady in front of me kept turning around. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I think some of my notes might have been a bit, ahem, piercing, heh heh. at least I have the spirit. Have fun!

Yea, recently I've been daring to sing out at church too (I used to be in the choir there, but didn't like how "being in the choir" distracted me from "being at church" if you get me) - I know I'm in tune, so what if the old grizzlies next to me glare? Muahahaha

The choir I've joined sings English cathedral music, and I have a ton of experience in that. So it's all good stuff. Can't wait for the next rehearsal!

Hi there! You know the hardest thing I ever did in my life was start to do yoga when I was 192 lbs. Yup, revealing clothes! HAVING to look at yourself in the mirror! NO ESCAPE!! HOLY. REALITY. CHECK!

But you know something? The more I did it, the more I realized that "hey, it isn't SO bad" you know? I mean, I may have extra padding and flabby arms and a cellulite farm on my legs, but dang it, I can lift things with my arms! My legs take me everywheres! And every single class, our Yoga instructor asks us to THANK our bodies for what they do for us. That really resonated with me.

I'll never be a swimsuit model (well, maybe for the "before" shots ), but I can tell you that I am WAY more comfortable with myself and I attribute this to being FORCED to actually see myself in the mirror every day. And I make a point of finding just ONE thing I like about my body every morning, because I spent far too many years criticizing the way I looked.

Keep us updated on the personal training!!! And congrats on joining a choir -- that sounds like an amazing opportunity especially to those of us who just can't sing in tune!

Kira

You faced your demons and you'll tell them to back off. No matter WHAT your arms and thighs look like YOU are getting more fit and healthy every single darn day and THAT is so admired greatly.