...I'm that infamous blind guy stumbling round a dark room looking for a black dog that isn't there.
My weight's been creeping up this week - I probably shouldn't weigh myself so often, I know. I've been semi-tracking my calories and have discovered that it's really hard
to get to about 1500-1600 calories a day. I've ended up zigzagging, pretty much unintentionally, and yet I "feel" heavy.
I know zilch about nutrition and am completely overwhelmed by the idea of having to put healthy meal plans together (hence my attempt today to construct a fixed evening meal plan for the week
, but I'm stuck on thinking of something for the weekend
). I don't know what protein- and carb-rich but low-fat foods are. I don't know how to put things together. Drat it, I don't even know which flavours
might taste good combined. I feel like I've missed out on some big chunk of Life Knowledge that to everyone else is just "well, DUH!"
In terms of exercise, other than cycling to and from town and choir practise and the like (at least 5 miles there and back together), I haven't been doing anything since Sunday. I need to hear from my gym, as the PT was going to call me two weeks ago but didn't - I rang them on Monday to find out what was going on and need to ring back as I've still heard nothing
from them about it.
In my first month I've lost 16lbs. I know that's good. But honestly? I didn't lose that weight because I was eating sensibly. It went because I'm sick and had no appetite and couldn't finish a slice of bread! I had no energy.
So now I'm trying to get better, trying to exercise, trying to eat properly - and I can feel myself getting heavier. It's horrid and I don't like it. It's like I'm once again losing control over something which, if people on 3fc are to be believed, is can be controlled by my own force of will. So why the heck isn't it working?
I'm sorry to rant, but thanks for letting me do so. At the moment it feels like - just with me and trying to pass the driving test - I'll never succeed at this; I'll never be at a healthy weight; I'll never be slim. And that's a horrid horrid feeling