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Old 07-28-2009, 06:35 PM   #1
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Default New to your forum & I'm a weenie

First I'd like to say hello to all of you. After lurking around the edges of this for a while it seems like this is the place I've been looking for. Having said that - this is the third time on SB lost big the other two, but never quite finished the job and gained it all back plus some.
Anyhoo - after an extremely clean P1 and about a week into P2, I go to lunch and have a salad and order oil and red wine vinegar. The girl puts on oil and FF red wine vinaigrette (loaded with sugar)- but did I say anything - nooo - I sat there and ate it like a good little (well not so little) girl. I been disgusted with myself ever since because I didnn't stand up for myself. I guess I'll have to get over the embarassment of making a scene to get what I want. Any thoughts on how to be more assertive?
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Old 07-28-2009, 06:42 PM   #2
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I wanted to say Welcome! I have no thoughts on being assertive because I know I'm not and I don't know how to be to the general public. I'm pretty assertive with my family and friends but I'm a hider, I had conflict and shy away from it completely and it's tough. I'm sure there will be lot's of pointers but again Welcome to the board we are happy to have you.
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Old 07-28-2009, 07:12 PM   #3
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If I am eating out, I will say something. I refuse to eat something if I am not happy with it. I have turned back many steaks. I like my red meat, rare, very rare. I will not eat it if it is pink. I have no problem speaking up. Especially if your paying for it.
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Old 07-28-2009, 08:15 PM   #4
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WELCOME!! Glad your here!
I've been a server in a couple of jobs. I never thought twice about bringing the customer a different dressing, side or anything else they needed. That was my job and that was what I was getting paid/tipped for so never fear asking the server for what you need, as long as you're not rude about it (ya know, avoid calling the server names or shouting) the server is generally happy to oblige. If they're snappy, or attitude-ish, remember tips are discrentionary.
With all other issues of assertiveness... its a matter of self worth. I used to do EXACTLY what you did. I never complained, never made a scene, never spoke up. After years of being treated like a door mat it finally occured to me that I had no reason to be afraid of speaking up. It wasn't like the server/sales clerk/whomever was going to grow fangs and eat me or anything. Worse case scenerio they may get upset, but oh well, they'd get over it. Just remember YOU ARE WORTH IT and there is nothing wrong with speaking up for what you need.
And quit beating yourself up over the dressing... you'll hear that a lot on here. You make a slip/error in judgement, acknowledge it, learn from it, move on. That's what I'm working on now. I did really well week 1, awful 2 and 3 and thanks to the awesome people here I'm pulling myself up and working on an awesome week 4 now!
Again, really glad to "meet" you and
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Old 07-28-2009, 09:52 PM   #5
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If you were a diabetic, you would have had no problem asking for a different dressing. If you were an alcoholic, you wouldn't accept a margarita if you'd ordered a Shirley Temple. Look at your weight loss as a medical condition that you must control through diet. Maybe that will help you be more assertive.
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Old 07-28-2009, 09:53 PM   #6
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No thoughts on being more assertive, but if you figure out the secret let me know
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Old 07-28-2009, 10:38 PM   #7
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Welcome! Like others said, don't beat yourself up about the dressing incident. It sounds like you've learned from the experience and will do things differently next time.

On the subject of assertiveness, I was interested that you wrote:

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Originally Posted by waquilter View Post
I guess I'll have to get over the embarassment of making a scene to get what I want. Any thoughts on how to be more assertive?
Being assertive doesn't mean making a scene, and I think it will help if you mentally separate the two. Most people really don't want to make a scene, and no one wants to be on the receiving end of one. It's much more effective to be calmly, politely, quietly assertive. I've always found that a genuine smile and thank you goes a long way.

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Old 07-28-2009, 10:56 PM   #8
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Just wanted to welcome you to the group and back to South Beach! Wishing you the best of luck!
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:56 AM   #9
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Hey, wecome! I am also a quilter from Washington.
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:11 AM   #10
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Welcome

As for being assertive just do it...it's hard at first but worth it. What is really the worst they could do? Get an attitude? As long as you assert yourself with tact and grace people will respect you and you will get minimal attitude from them.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:04 AM   #11
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Welcome! Yes, I think the Dressing Incident can be used as a spur to try to do it differently next time. I don't do assertiveness well ~ I can stand up on behalf of others but it's harder if it's about me. I think the answer is to plan strategies for it, the same as you would about your eating and your exercising - this is part of your successful weightloss scheme after all. It takes work, it takes practice, and it does mean that one time you have to take a deep breath and just do it; with civility but determination.

It's just one dmn learning curve after another, isn't it? :wink:
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Old 07-29-2009, 08:08 AM   #12
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Old 07-29-2009, 09:07 AM   #13
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Welcome!!!
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Old 07-29-2009, 10:55 AM   #14
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hey, welcome to the board and good luck!

I've had problems with assertiveness, and I agree it just takes practice. It's perfectly reasonable for you to ask for any dressing (or whatever) you need. And you certainly deserve to take care of yourself.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:25 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennelle View Post
If you were a diabetic, you would have had no problem asking for a different dressing. If you were an alcoholic, you wouldn't accept a margarita if you'd ordered a Shirley Temple. Look at your weight loss as a medical condition that you must control through diet. Maybe that will help you be more assertive.
That is an excellent suggestion, Jennelle. I often use the "my doctor recommends..." phrasing to turn aside the well-meaning but misdirected attempts of my MIL to get me to eat food that is unhealthy for me. I never considered using the same thinking on myself when in a restaurant situation. Thank you!
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