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new ticker and myself

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Old 07-27-2009, 03:56 PM   #1
no more hiding
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Default new ticker and myself

I started throwing myself into a weightloss program because I found out I had diabetes. Losing weight has forced me to look at the reasons I weighted so much in the first place. It pretty must cames down to, in some twisted way, I thought I was hiding behind all this fat. As the fat is slowly going away, I have had to deal with the emotional issues that got me here- not something I was planning to do!

Long story short I have been keeping two logs going in my journal, one for my highest weight and one starting at the wieght I was at the Dr. off which I was diagnosed. Anyhow, it was just another way of "hiding" who I really am. So, today I am going to stop all that silliness of 2 starting weights. I was HUGE I admit it- I weighted 298 pounds. I ate and ate to stuff my stress down and I blew up and up. Today however, I now weight 228.4 according to the scale this morning and thus I am half way in my journey to my goal weight of 160. I doubt however, that I am halfway in my journey to discovering who I really am. Not only did the fat hide who I was from everybody else, I think I was hiding from myself.

.... now back to the regularly scheduled program.........
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:15 PM   #2
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When I started losing weight I never gave a thought to all the emotional work I was going to have to do along with the physical. I was quite shocked by it, but it's been a really good thing. I think I've grown up a lot this last year and a half. You are doing so well! This place is great for helping to deal with the emotional part as well. So many of us have been through it. As for the hiding, I can totally relate. When my kids were little I loved to stay home with them and not have to go out and face the world. It's hard to force yourself out of that, but so much better for your emotional well being.

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins... Not through strength, but through Persistence.
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:31 PM   #3
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Eating (or overeating) happens because food taste good. Food is comforting and reminds us of good times. Most of us enjoy the celebration of good friends and sharing food. For me, the problem arises when I eat alone or late at night. This is when I am at my weakest strength and most likely to overeat on the wrong kinds of food. So, like you, I have been trying to understand my behaviors.
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Old 07-27-2009, 04:41 PM   #4
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Congrats! Good for you!

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Old 07-27-2009, 04:58 PM   #5
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Congratulations on getting half way already! And on seeing the emotional stuff on the horizon. It is weird but true that we hide behind our fat. Well, not so weird, I suppose: people - all of us, sometimes - think in cliches, and when they see a fat person, they know what we are like. Sure, I know we all have the choice not to buy into that and to be big and gorgeous and individual and memorable - but lots of us don't. Have you seen that episode of Scrubs when all the women become invisible to JD when they put their wedding rings on? That's what fat women are like, especially to men but to women too. Obviously not to those who love us but in the general world we do cease to exist, we really can hide behind the pounds.

When we lose the weight or a significant part of it, that camouflage is no longer there. At the minute, I've seen no sign of being more visible to others (maybe I'm just too old for hubba hubba comments any more lol!) but I am becoming more visible to me, and it's not always easy.

Well done on recognizing your Stuff, and good luck in dealing with it!

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Old 07-27-2009, 05:00 PM   #6
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When I lost down to my lowest adult weight I was in my mid 20's and the attention I started to receive was nice but uncomfortable also. I am hoping that I have done enough work on myself over the last 15 yrs, that this time when the attention starts and I feels stressful, I can atleast acknowledge it and get help.
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:28 PM   #7
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I really relate to this concept of hiding behind the weight.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.--Winston Churchill
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Old 08-12-2009, 05:33 PM   #8
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Stopped smoking October 21, 2008
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Disclaimer: I am not a registered dietitian, nutritionist, any kind of health professional or fitness expert...I'm just a woman who's lost 161.5 pounds so far with a lot of hard work.
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