Caution, post of a broken heart ahead.

So I ended a 2 year relationship today. It needed to be done and be done before we were so far into being unhappy that it turned to anger and resentment. At this point at least a friendship can become of it which is how it should be. It was not a mutual loving caring supportive relationship and it wasn't meant to be. The break up was also very civil in it's technicality. It was a mutual feeling, we are going different directions and want different things. We left it with the best hug I'd had from him in months and a good bye kiss. He waited in the doorway and watched as I pulled away. As much as I realize this and know that this was the right thing to do and that I will survive and things will be better in the long run, I am honestly just heart broken. I've taken today to just be sad. I've cleaned the apartment... the kind where you clean behind the furniture and scrub holes in the counter tops... therapeutic cleaning. I've packed up his things to be picked up, packed up our memories so I can start the moving on process but still, I am just heart broken. I'm terrified of having to at some point try all over again with someone else, I'm terrified of being alone.

I've got some incredibly supportive people on my side and that helps a little but I've still got a hole now that is gaping and sad and full of tears. A hole that despite how far apart we had grown apart only remembers the very clear good memories that I take with me. I suppose at least I'll probably lose a good 10lbs of sad weight... I admit I ordered a pizza today. Whatever, I'm sad and it's 90 degrees out with no ac in my apartment so who wants to cook. I put the whole thing in the fridge and it's still just sitting there. I don't think I could eat if I tried. Along with that, I'm happy that I also don't want to drink to help get through this... though I'm hitting the diet coke pretty hard. I'll probably just throw the pizza out tomorrow.

I want to get up tomorrow and start recovering. Work out, go to yoga, work in the garden, make a strategic plan... but for now I'm still just heartbroken and alone and scared. Alright, that's it. Thanks for listening, I had to get it out somewhere and I'm putting on the 'I'll be ok' face everywhere else.

I'm sorry for your sadness. I'm sure that breaking up a long-term relationship is much like going through a divorce, and there are stages to recovery from that life-altering event. Let yourself go through those stages of grief over the loss.

Wishing you peace and healing.

I've been there. It sucks. But it will get better and you will find the love you deserve, and have a sparkling clean apartment for a while.

It is always hard ending a relationship. Sounds like you're on the right track, it'll just take time to work through it. Hang in there.

Beth

Break ups do really suck, don't they? It's sometimes so hard to see how you will get to the other end of being OK -- but you will.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get up and get going again. There is nothing wrong with being sad and taking time to do it. Eating will take care of itself, one way or another, but battling the two things at once would be so overwhelming.

Hang in, hon. Each day will be one more step to coming out on the other side. And you should be so proud of yourself you recognized something that was not working and took action. That is not easy.

Yoga, let yourself be sad, it's OK. Then when you are ready, put positive energy towards deciding what kind of guy you really want--the Universe will send him to you when you are ready. It really will! Big hugs!

Oh. I'm sad for you *many soft hugs*

such good advice! Seriously, I just choose to move on and put positiveness out there myself for a great guy nd it's so exciting to see what it's bringing. lol I'm supressing my giddiness.

Big hugs, because although I know you know you Will feel better, it's horrible just now.

I know how horrible that feels. But as you and others have said, give yourself some time to hurt; that's part of the healing process.

i think youve made a huge stride by being brave enough to end a relationship that wasnt fulfilling....best wishes

Thank you everyone. Today is a new day and it's a bit better, despite the left over swollen and stinging eyes. Still have the gaping sad hole, and I think that will be a while but the tears are gone, at least for the morning. I will give myself time to recover and go through the stages of adjusting but I've decided not to do that by just sitting in my house feeling bad for myself.

Today is a beautiful day and I'm going to go to the gym for the first time in months, and spend some time outside maybe go for a walk. I'm planning for some upcoming work travel which will take me to the south and allow me to see some old friends. I've also got a lot of vacation days to use up so I'm going to plan on taking some time in the fall. I'm also working on a trip to Iceland next year and am very excited about that. Planning on keeping myself busy I guess, and planning some time by myself. All and all, I still know that this was the right thing to do because you really can't force something that isn't there. I will have a great friend out of this in the long run and now have the time to get to know myself and make the changes I've wanted to make in my life. When it's time, I'll absolutely be sending out the positive vibes on what I want into the pool again. For now though, it's just going to be day by day until I'm ready, which I will be someday.

your plans sound fantastic! you sound like a woman who knows how to take care of herself. good luck with everything!!