It’s something, anyway.
Yesterday, I may have done either the stupidest or the smartest thing ever in my whole life. The result remains to be seen. I’m nervous yet optimistic. Very optimistic. (Can’t say what it is right now, but y’all wish me luck.)
So, long about 10:00 last night, I had A LOT of stress and nervous energy to burn.
Before, I would have smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes, drank between a six-pack and a case of beer, took a Klonopin, eaten like a 4-piece with fries from Popeyes then half a birthday cake or whatever, then eventually crashed into a food/beer inducted coma. This is how I dealt with stress and nervous energy up until now. This is how I gained back all this weight after I lost it the first time.
Stress = stupid behaviors = gaining 100 lbs in less than six months.
Before, for example:
Time to do your taxes? Beer/smokes/food.
Fighting with someone? Beer/smokes/food.
Prepping for an interview? Beer/smokes/food.
BUT… last night, instead of beer/smokes/food, I walked around outside, up and down the block, for 10 minutes. That didn’t cut it. So I changed clothes and went to the gym.
I went to the gym.
I ran on the elliptical for 30 minutes.
I ran. Me. Not walked, ran.
I have never run more than 10 steps before in my entire life. Last time I remember entering a footrace was first grade, and I came in last.
I ran until I was literally pouring sweat, HR consistently between 150-170, then I got down on the floor and did pushups, situps, then jackknifes on the Swiss ball. Then my legs were shaky, so I packed it up and walked back home. (This is after walking my normal 3 miles a day, BTW.)
Then I took a shower, and went to bed.
No booze. No cigarettes. No food.
I’m 40 years old. This is not how my life has worked up to this point.
Does this mean I finally got it?
Does this mean it’s finally sunk in, it’s a permanent change? Does it?? I think so. I wish I knew.
Edited to add: And as a positive bonus, I was down 3 lbs on the scale this morning...haven't had that happen since October 2008.
A lil' update 7/7 ~ the really stressful thing (that I still can't talk about...yet)? Well, so far so good! If y'all could send some positive energy my way though, I sure would appreciate it.