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06-28-2009, 09:39 AM
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#1
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Sheri
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 27
Height: 5'5"
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No support just makes me crazy!
I love my husband dearly, but he is driving me crazy with bringing me junk food! I specifically told him not to offer me junk food, and he went out yesterday to lunch with someone, and brought me home something! Even when I told him before he left I didn't want anything!
He got a bunch of candy in a gift bag from my mom for his birthday, and I know he doesn't like Milk Duds, but don't give them to me! For heaven's sake, just throw them away!
ARGH! Sorry, gals, it just make me crazy I go out of my way to explain very clearly I don't want him to offer me junk, and I'm getting onion rings and milk duds left and right!
Thanks for letting me vent. That is driving me nuts, and I don't know how to stop it!
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Summer weight challenge

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06-28-2009, 09:48 AM
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#2
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Kenosha, Wisconsin
Posts: 154
S/C/G: 280.0/205.8/100.0
Height: 5'2"
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When he brings you food you don't want, just say "I appreciate the thought but I don't want it", then ask him if he wants the item or if you should throw it away. If he says he won't eat it, throw it in the trash immediately or in the garbage disposal if you have one. It's hard enough to lose weight without loved ones helping us to extra food!
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06-28-2009, 09:56 AM
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#3
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Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Rural Kansas
Posts: 71
S/C/G: S 299/C 247/G 140
Height: 5'6"
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Tell him to bring you flowers instead, when he is in the giving mood. 
Candy
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06-28-2009, 10:10 AM
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#4
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Right foot, left foot ...
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 774
S/C/G: 285.4/262/170
Height: 5'11"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CamiToo
When he brings you food you don't want, just say "I appreciate the thought but I don't want it", then ask him if he wants the item or if you should throw it away. If he says he won't eat it, throw it in the trash immediately or in the garbage disposal if you have one. It's hard enough to lose weight without loved ones helping us to extra food!
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Great response.
I also think that you'll probably have to be dealing with this for a while. There's a reason he's not getting the message -- maybe a fear of you changing?
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"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." - Conan O'Brien
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06-28-2009, 10:58 AM
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#5
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3 + years maintaining
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 12,070
S/C/G: 287/120's
Height: 5 foot nuthin'
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Be ultra firm. Ultra. If he continues to bring the stuff - yup, I'd toss it each and every time. Better to throw it in the trash can then to be the trash can.
You're going to have to be tough. Real, real tough. Stick to your guns. Don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of your hopes and dreams and your future. Support is great, don't get me wrong, but I have found this to be the most *solo* act in the world. I'm the one making the right choices day in and day out all day long and avoiding the bad choices. It's me that does the shopping and the cooking and the planning and the preparing. I'm the one who gets myself up to exercise. I'm the one who avoids this temptation and that temptation. Me, me, me. Very solo act.
I can almost guarantee it though, that when he sees how serious you really are, he will stop doing this.
And don't forget - 3FC is here for you. We understand each and everything you are going through. Nothing is too small or too silly to ask or comment about. I know it's not the same as *at home* support, but it's a great outlet.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 06-28-2009 at 11:09 AM.
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06-28-2009, 11:04 AM
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#6
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Diane
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 5,330
S/C/G: 294/252.0/180
Height: 5'6"
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I agree with Robin (again). It is nice to have support, but we are all individually responsible for doing this ourselves. It is up to us. My family is supportive in words of encouragement, but not always in the food department. But that's when it is up to me to monitor what I put in MY mouth. It has gotten much easier over time and they are learning.
Hang in there, hang tough, and do what is right for you!
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This time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in. - Rudimental
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06-28-2009, 12:52 PM
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#7
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Starting over
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 922
S/C/G: 257.8/242.4/135
Height: 5' 5"
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Thanks for posting this.
Oh Robin, thanks very much for this.
Quote:
I'm the one making the right choices day in and day out all day long and avoiding the bad choices. It's me that does the shopping and the cooking and the planning and the preparing. I'm the one who gets myself up to exercise. I'm the one who avoids this temptation and that temptation. Me, me, me. Very solo act.
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I needed to hear it. I was starting to resent this and think "Poor me. Nobody "gets" it. Nobody "helps" me."
Wow. I hadn't even realised I was feeling resentful until I read your post. Thanks!
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my weight loss blog: http://mypsychemysoma.blogspot.com/
"Your best weight is whatever weight you reach, when you're living the healthiest life you actually enjoy." Yoni Freedhoff
Last edited by Alana in Canada; 06-28-2009 at 12:54 PM.
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06-28-2009, 03:21 PM
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#8
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 337
S/C/G: 288/seeticker/140
Height: 5'4"
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Wow, my husband does the same thing too. Yesterday he picked up chocolate covered donuts and candy bars. Course, he didn't force me to eat them... which I did 
Every time I start making my effort to rid my house of junk food is when he goes into overdrive with bringing the crap home. Candy bars, donuts, chips… etc. Then recently when I was talking to him about wanting desperately to lose weight he told me, “Yeah, you’ll lose a ton of weight, get hot, and leave me.” WOW!! What I heard myself say was I was unhappy with my weight and appearance and wanted to change. What he seems to be hearing me say is I want to look hot again to go New Husband shopping. It is so strange how differently men and women think about things.
I initially thought that my husband’s attempts to sabotage were in my head and it turns out, it really wasn’t.
He was feeling insecure about the changes I was wanting to make and about my motivations behind them.
I am pretty sure we are on the same page now. I point blank told him I wasn’t trying to lose weight to become better looking and leave him… I am doing it for ME. I’ve been reinforcing that idea with him by mentioning things I want us to do together when my weight starts getting lower; go on a cruise, take the kids to a theme park, plan a trip to the beach, etc. I feel like this works because 1) it reminds him I have a goal, 2) makes him part of that goal and 3) lets him know I want him in my “thinner” future.
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06-28-2009, 03:47 PM
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#9
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 165
S/C/G: 279.5/195.5/166
Height: 5' 11"
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I am following a fairly strict weight loss program and we call 'em 'feeders'. My menu is posted in plain sight on the fridge and I have told my husband exactly what I eat and when I eat it. And yet he was surprised when I turned down his offered off program snack, probably for all of those times in the past when I didn't turn that treat down.
My husband has always been able to manage portion control; he has a portion and then puts the rest away! I do not have his self-control, but I think he realized that.
Now that I have been on program for about 4 months and I am so committed to this, he is my biggest supporter. He will catch on EyeSing!
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06-28-2009, 07:22 PM
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#10
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Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 15
S/C/G: 216/197/130
Height: 5'2"
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Ask him if he's trying to sabotage your diet or your health for that matter and to please not offer you junk food anymore!
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Last edited by LitMiss; 06-28-2009 at 07:22 PM.
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06-28-2009, 07:56 PM
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#11
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Escape from my fat suit
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 447
S/C/G: 268/CW/125
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Can you emphasize that you are doing this so you can have a longer life with him instead of coming down from a chronic illness? I'd focus on the health aspects and how much more energy you'll have with him to engage in more fun activities and not get tired so fast. Good luck.
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06-28-2009, 08:26 PM
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#12
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One day at a time!
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The deep south
Posts: 4,349
S/C/G: 301/see ticker/160
Height: 5' 2"
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Quote:
Robin originally posted I can almost guarantee it though, that when he sees how serious you really are, he will stop doing this.
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Quote:
msim originally posted Now that I have been on program for about 4 months and I am so committed to this, he is my biggest supporter.
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I had this same experience. When I started DH just did not take me seriously and brought me junk all the time. I really could not blame him as I had started a diet so many times. Once he saw me sticking to my plan, he started trying to help. He is still not perfect but listens when I say I don't want or can't have something.
Stick with your plan and he will probably come around.
__________________
Cheryl
Persistence is more important than Perfection
Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential. - Winston Churchill
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06-28-2009, 08:30 PM
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#13
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 144
S/C/G: 226/158.2/137
Height: 5'6
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I agree with some of the other posters that it gets easier. My DH lives off of doritos and other junk and I pack his lunch. After awhile you lose the taste for it, just keep saying no and you'll get stronger and stronger!
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06-28-2009, 10:00 PM
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#14
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Waddle fast Flap hard FLY
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 5,354
S/C/G: Top 272~restart 255
Height: 5'7
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Its nice that your Hubby is thinking of you while he is away, but I agree that asking him to channel his gifts/affection to something un-edible will help you both.
If he's anything like my Hubby it will take a few months for him to remember!
Hang in there!
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06-28-2009, 10:14 PM
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#15
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Just Yr Everyday Chick
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,489
S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some
Height: 5'3"
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I guarantee that if you throw it in the garbage a few times, he will get the idea MUCH more clearly than if you keep telling him with words!
Jay
__________________
"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama
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