No support just makes me crazy!

EyeSing · 06-28-2009, 10:39 AM

I love my husband dearly, but he is driving me crazy with bringing me junk food! I specifically told him not to offer me junk food, and he went out yesterday to lunch with someone, and brought me home something! Even when I told him before he left I didn't want anything!

He got a bunch of candy in a gift bag from my mom for his birthday, and I know he doesn't like Milk Duds, but don't give them to me! For heaven's sake, just throw them away!

ARGH! Sorry, gals, it just make me crazy I go out of my way to explain very clearly I don't want him to offer me junk, and I'm getting onion rings and milk duds left and right!

Thanks for letting me vent. That is driving me nuts, and I don't know how to stop it!

CamiToo · 06-28-2009, 10:48 AM

When he brings you food you don't want, just say "I appreciate the thought but I don't want it", then ask him if he wants the item or if you should throw it away. If he says he won't eat it, throw it in the trash immediately or in the garbage disposal if you have one. It's hard enough to lose weight without loved ones helping us to extra food!

CandaceG · 06-28-2009, 10:56 AM

Tell him to bring you flowers instead, when he is in the giving mood.

Candy

chickiegirl · 06-28-2009, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CamiToo

When he brings you food you don't want, just say "I appreciate the thought but I don't want it", then ask him if he wants the item or if you should throw it away. If he says he won't eat it, throw it in the trash immediately or in the garbage disposal if you have one. It's hard enough to lose weight without loved ones helping us to extra food!

Great response.

I also think that you'll probably have to be dealing with this for a while. There's a reason he's not getting the message -- maybe a fear of you changing?

rockinrobin · 06-28-2009, 11:58 AM

Be ultra firm. Ultra. If he continues to bring the stuff - yup, I'd toss it each and every time. Better to throw it in the trash can then to be the trash can.

You're going to have to be tough. Real, real tough. Stick to your guns. Don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of your hopes and dreams and your future. Support is great, don't get me wrong, but I have found this to be the most *solo* act in the world. I'm the one making the right choices day in and day out all day long and avoiding the bad choices. It's me that does the shopping and the cooking and the planning and the preparing. I'm the one who gets myself up to exercise. I'm the one who avoids this temptation and that temptation. Me, me, me. Very solo act.

I can almost guarantee it though, that when he sees how serious you really are, he will stop doing this.

And don't forget - 3FC is here for you. We understand each and everything you are going through. Nothing is too small or too silly to ask or comment about. I know it's not the same as *at home* support, but it's a great outlet.

Slashnl · 06-28-2009, 12:04 PM

I agree with Robin (again). It is nice to have support, but we are all individually responsible for doing this ourselves. It is up to us. My family is supportive in words of encouragement, but not always in the food department. But that's when it is up to me to monitor what I put in MY mouth. It has gotten much easier over time and they are learning.

Hang in there, hang tough, and do what is right for you!

Alana in Canada · 06-28-2009, 01:52 PM

Thanks for posting this.
Oh Robin, thanks very much for this.

Quote:

I'm the one making the right choices day in and day out all day long and avoiding the bad choices. It's me that does the shopping and the cooking and the planning and the preparing. I'm the one who gets myself up to exercise. I'm the one who avoids this temptation and that temptation. Me, me, me. Very solo act.

I needed to hear it. I was starting to resent this and think "Poor me. Nobody "gets" it. Nobody "helps" me."

Wow. I hadn't even realised I was feeling resentful until I read your post. Thanks!

TaraLee · 06-28-2009, 04:21 PM

Wow, my husband does the same thing too. Yesterday he picked up chocolate covered donuts and candy bars. Course, he didn't force me to eat them... which I did

Every time I start making my effort to rid my house of junk food is when he goes into overdrive with bringing the crap home. Candy bars, donuts, chips… etc. Then recently when I was talking to him about wanting desperately to lose weight he told me, “Yeah, you’ll lose a ton of weight, get hot, and leave me.” WOW!! What I heard myself say was I was unhappy with my weight and appearance and wanted to change. What he seems to be hearing me say is I want to look hot again to go New Husband shopping. It is so strange how differently men and women think about things.
I initially thought that my husband’s attempts to sabotage were in my head and it turns out, it really wasn’t.
He was feeling insecure about the changes I was wanting to make and about my motivations behind them.
I am pretty sure we are on the same page now. I point blank told him I wasn’t trying to lose weight to become better looking and leave him… I am doing it for ME. I’ve been reinforcing that idea with him by mentioning things I want us to do together when my weight starts getting lower; go on a cruise, take the kids to a theme park, plan a trip to the beach, etc. I feel like this works because 1) it reminds him I have a goal, 2) makes him part of that goal and 3) lets him know I want him in my “thinner” future.

msim · 06-28-2009, 04:47 PM

I am following a fairly strict weight loss program and we call 'em 'feeders'. My menu is posted in plain sight on the fridge and I have told my husband exactly what I eat and when I eat it. And yet he was surprised when I turned down his offered off program snack, probably for all of those times in the past when I didn't turn that treat down.
My husband has always been able to manage portion control; he has a portion and then puts the rest away! I do not have his self-control, but I think he realized that.

Now that I have been on program for about 4 months and I am so committed to this, he is my biggest supporter. He will catch on EyeSing!

LitMiss · 06-28-2009, 08:22 PM

Ask him if he's trying to sabotage your diet or your health for that matter and to please not offer you junk food anymore!

better health3 · 06-28-2009, 08:56 PM

Can you emphasize that you are doing this so you can have a longer life with him instead of coming down from a chronic illness? I'd focus on the health aspects and how much more energy you'll have with him to engage in more fun activities and not get tired so fast. Good luck.

time2lose · 06-28-2009, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Robin originally posted I can almost guarantee it though, that when he sees how serious you really are, he will stop doing this.

Quote:

msim originally posted Now that I have been on program for about 4 months and I am so committed to this, he is my biggest supporter.

I had this same experience. When I started DH just did not take me seriously and brought me junk all the time. I really could not blame him as I had started a diet so many times. Once he saw me sticking to my plan, he started trying to help. He is still not perfect but listens when I say I don't want or can't have something.

Stick with your plan and he will probably come around.

nineoceansaway · 06-28-2009, 09:30 PM

I agree with some of the other posters that it gets easier. My DH lives off of doritos and other junk and I pack his lunch. After awhile you lose the taste for it, just keep saying no and you'll get stronger and stronger!

patchworkpenguin · 06-28-2009, 11:00 PM

Its nice that your Hubby is thinking of you while he is away, but I agree that asking him to channel his gifts/affection to something un-edible will help you both.

If he's anything like my Hubby it will take a few months for him to remember!

Hang in there!

JayEll · 06-28-2009, 11:14 PM

I guarantee that if you throw it in the garbage a few times, he will get the idea MUCH more clearly than if you keep telling him with words!

Jay